Secrets Within - Carol x Mildred

Chapter 13

Mildred Ratched 

Normally, Mildred suffered from nightmares on a daily bases but this night was an exception. She didn't remember when the last time was that she had slept this peacefully.
The first beams of the morning sun woke her from her slumber. It took her a few seconds until she realized that she wasn't alone in her bed. Carol's warm body was pressed against hers, just the look of her next to Mildred let shivers run over her whole body. It was hopeless to suppress the smile that crept onto her face.
She watched Carol sleep, slowly letting her fingers run up and down her bare side, following her soft curves. It felt like there was nothing wrong in the entire world. Like it was just them.

"Good morning, Beautiful." Carol's low muffles filled the room, her voice was even more sensual in the morning. She slowly turned around in Mildred's arms, so that she was able to look into her face. Her face was only inches away and Mildred was captivated by her bright shining eyes.

"Can I kiss you?", she whispered, asking for consent.

"You don't need to ask, Dummy", Carol answered, visibly amused.
Mildred moved her hand up to Carol's face, letting her fingers trace along her cheekbone, down to her lips, before she leaned in. As soon as their lips locked, that feeling inside her arose again. It felt like paradise on earth. When they broke away, a smile was plastered on both their faces.
"I want to take a shower. Would you care the join me?"

Carol's words took Mildred completely aback and she couldn't bring out one single word. She may had already shared a night with the blonde, that that was while she was secured by the darkness and anonymity of the night. This was going to fast for her. She quickly sat up, covering her bare chest with the blanket and just shook her head. She didn't want to disappoint Carol in any way, but she just couldn't.
"Don't worry, Darling. That's totally alright. You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable with it", she assured her and pressed a kiss on her cheek." Mildred could feel the bed move, when Carol got up and walked to the bathroom. She turned around one more time, catching how Mildred's eyes roamed around her body. "Don't run away while I'm in there", she winked at her.

As soon as Carol was out of sight, Mildred sank back into the soft covers and let out a sigh. Closing her eyes, she allowed her mind to wander freely for the first time in days. Being in Carol's presence felt amazing, even if amazing was still an understatement. There were perhaps no words to describe this feeling perfectly. She didn't need a word to describe it though, it was there and it was real and that was all that mattered.
Nevertheless, Mildred wasn't able to silence that tiny voice inside her head, whispering to her with its dark and raspy tone, planting uncertainty like a seed, letting it grow with every passing moment.
She wanted to be truthful to Carol so desperately, but revealing her secrets could ruin this. Not only could, but would most likely do ruin it.

It felt like time was passing in slow motion, as Mildred laid there, pondering about what to do.
When she heard the door of the bathroom open, she shot up, taking the blanket with her to cover up her bare chest. Carol entered the room, only wrapped in a white towel that was barely long enough to fully cover her up. Her wet hair hung in soft curls, water still slightly dripping from the tips. She looked at Mildred with a smile, but it quickly faded when she saw the expression on the redhead's face. "Is there something wrong, Darling?", she asked, her voice ever so softly.

Mildred knew that what she was about to say had potential to ruin everything that they had. Nonetheless, she needed to tell Carol. The blonde deserved the truth and Mildred couldn't stand the thought of lying to her about who she was any longer.
"I wasn't truthful with you. You were right on our first walk", she said in a lowered voice, without any further evaluation.

"What are you talking about?" Carol did not understand what the redhead was referring to. Sitting down at the foot of the bed, she waited patiently for Mildred to continue and evaluate.

"You said I could be lying to you about everything I told you about me and you wouldn't even know. You were right, I was lying. I'm not even a real nurse. I lied myself into that job."
Carol did not say anything, but the look on her face was loud enough. She stared at her in utter disbelieve, scared what would be said next.
"There is more dark inside me than you know. I have done terrible things that I do not regret."

Carol slowly backed away from her, knowing that she did not like where this conversation was going. In order to think clear, she felt the need to get some distance between them. "If you're not a nurse, what are you doing here then?"

It took a while until Mildred explained herself. "My brother is Edmund Tolleson and I won't let him die."

Carol stayed silent again, staring at the redhead in utter disbelieve. Then, she slowly grabbed her clothes, put them on and headed towards the door.
"No", Mildred blurted out, jumping up from the bed. "Please. Don't go now. Let me explain myself!"
Carol did not even turn around to her one more time. She just opened the door and left her standing there alone, her nudity just adding to the fact that she never had felt more vulnerable in her life.

In a rush, Mildred pulled the dress next to her over her head, sprinting out of the room, she could not let Carol go, not like this. This wasn't the end of their story. She would not let that happen.

The dark hallway was empty, no sign of anyone. She did not hear a door closing, so Carol had to be outside. She ran down the hallway, the flickering lights casting unsettling shadows on the walls. She had to talk to her. Had to explain herself. But perhaps it would not do anything. Perhaps she already had ruined everything with the truth.

Mildred harshly pushed the double winged door open, just on time to see Carol walking towards her car, ready to bring as much distance between them as possible, not caring that all her stuff still was in the hotel room.
Mildred jumped down the three steps, sprinting toward the tall blonde, the stones painfully digging into her bare feet.

Carol had just opened the car door, when Mildred forcefully slammed it close again. Completely in shock, Carol looked up. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she had not even realized that Mildred was right there next to her. "Please, don't go", she begged. "Let me explain myself."

Carol just shook her head, desperately trying to hold her tears in. "There is nothing you cou-"

"I cannot let him die this painfully, not after all we've been through", Mildred cried out. She didn't care that Carol wasn't willing to listen, she would talk to her anyway.

"Your brother is a sociopath and he is sick. And as it appears to be, you are too", the blonde spat out. Her words cut deeper than a knife and Mildred felt her heart sink. A single tear rolled down her left cheek.

"I cannot let you go."

"If you don't back away from my car, I swear I will-"
Mildred interrupted her again. Her slim fingers still pressed against the window of the car. A desperate try to make Carol stay.

"I can't let you go because I am in love with you." As those words left Mildred's lips, the world froze for a moment. Words that she never said to anyone before hung heavy in the air.

"You don't even know what love is", Carol hissed back after she composed herself.

Completely defeated Mildred let her hand slide down the door and looked down and surveyed her bare feet. "Please", she whispered one more time, already knowing that it wouldn't do anything, so she just backed away.
Carol opened the door and within three seconds she was driving away.