In His Shadow (Shikamaru x reader)

10. Self Destructive

As fall disappeared and winter rolled in, I found myself spending less and less time outside, and more time inside, with Sasuke of course. He was practically always at my house nowadays since my dad didn't let me go to his place. He thought we needed to be supervised. Sasuke and I would sit in the living room watching TV sitting on different ends of the couch as to not upset my father. Sometimes my dad would even sit between us, making annoying commentary on whatever we were trying to watch.

Initially, all of this was annoying until we came up with a plan– Sasuke would come over around the time my dad would have to go to work. Or he'd come over when my dad was already gone (which completely went against his rules).

"Did you go the long way?" I asked, opening the door for my boyfriend. By long way, I meant the way that didn't pass the Hokage's office so my dad wouldn't see him. Knowing my father, he'd probably send a shadow clone to track him.

"Mhmm," he hummed as he stepped inside.

"Good." I closed the door behind him. "So what do you wanna do? I baked some cake if you want a slice."

"I'd rather have a slice of your cake," he chuckled, giving me a hard slap on the behind.

"Mmm... we probably shouldn't," I sighed, going to sit on the couch.

He plopped down next to me. "Why do you always say that?"

"You know why."

"I'll wear two condoms and pull out," he said.

Pregnancy wasn't even what I was scared of. I'm sure I wouldn't get pregnant again, but just the thought of laying there and faking an orgasm seemed excruciating. Maybe he got better in the time we were apart, I don't know.

Wait, that would mean he's been with someone else. I didn't like the thought of that.

"I haven't hung out with my friends in a while," I said, ignoring him, pretending to be thinking out loud.

"I saw Ino today," he said.

"You did?"

"Yeah, on my way here. She was with Tenten and Sakura. They all rolled their eyes at me. Tenten even gave me the middle finger."

"Oh." I knew they were still mad at me for being with Sasuke. They made a point of not inviting me to hangouts. And when I was able to talk to Ino alone, she always seemed slightly annoyed with me or anxious that someone would see us together. So I stopped trying to talk to her. But it was surprisingly easy not to talk to Sakura during training, or talk to anyone else when I saw them. If they couldn't be happy for me, did I even need them in my life?

"But you don't need them anyway. You have me, and that's enough," he whispered, putting his hand behind my head and leaning in for a kiss.

"Yeah," I mumbled, breaking the kiss. "But I miss them."

"Am I not enough for you?" He glared.

Here we go again. He was always starting arguments with me.

"That's not what I'm saying, Sasuke."

"Well that's what it sounds like." He was getting upset, I could tell.

"Shhh, that's not what I'm saying." I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "You mean a lot to me."

"You wanna show me how much I mean to you?" He asked, giving a suggestive glance to my room down the hall.

"Ughhh, you know we can't."

"Come on, I'll be extra careful."

I knew if I kept denying him he'd get really angry and I didn't feel like dealing with that at the moment.

"Fine, but you better be careful."

When we finished– or rather, Sasuke finished, and I faked– we lay tired and panting under the covers. As expected, there was no cuddling afterwards or any aftercare. Sasuke just closed his eyes and rolled over. He just wasn't a touchy feely guy. I couldn't force him to change. I looked over at Sasuke who seemed to be falling asleep. I myself wasn't tired, so I rolled over onto my side facing him and watched him to go to sleep.

Sometimes I just looked at him and wondered why he chose me. He could have any girl he wanted, but chose me. I felt lucky and like I owed him. Just being in his presence made me feel like I was in eternal debt to him. I was the one that the Sasuke Uchiha flaunted when we went out. I was the one who gave the word 'girlfriend' a meaning for him.

As I stared at him deep in thought, I didn't pay attention to the time. Worst mistake of my life.

During the time I watched Sasuke sleep, my father came home. I heard the front door open and close and immediately knew I was in trouble.

"Sasuke, wake up." I whispered, nudging him a little. Tears welled in my eyes as my dad's foot steps got closer and closer. "Sasuke, please," I whispered, attempting to wake him again.

There was a knock at my bedroom door.

Shit.

I scrambled out of bed to put my clothes back on.

My dad called my name a few times, scaring the ever living shit out of me. "(Y/n)? What are you doing in there? Open the door right now."

"Daddy, I'm getting dressed in here, just wait."

"You know I told you no closed doors anymore. Open it right now or I'm coming in."

Sasuke was still sleeping soundly. I never took him for such a deep sleeper, especially with this much noise.

Right as I got my pants on, the knob started to twist and the door opened, revealing my dad. He looked first at me, then saw clothes scattered on the floor everywhere, and then looked to the bed with Sasuke in it.

I could already hear him yelling at me before the words even left his mouth.

"(Y/N) RIYE SARUTOBI!" He bellowed.

Sasuke woke up in an instant after that.

My dad pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I'm gone to work to keep a roof over your head and food on the table, and you're here whoring around-"

"Excuse me? Whoring around? Sasuke is my boyfriend. Dad, I'm sorry you had to see this but I'm not 'whoring around'."

"I'm sorry, too." He shuddered in disgust. "You have to go. You can't stay here."

"What?!"

"You went against my rules. I already don't like that you're dating this boy, but you had him over while I wasn't here, and then you had sex with him in my house? You have to go."

"Dad! I'm sorry, okay?" I said, trying not to cry.

"Leave. Now! Pack your things and go. We will not be discussing this further." And with that he shut the door and left my room.

Fuck.

"That's okay, you can stay with me," Sasuke spoke. "We can do all the 'whoring around' that we want."

As nice as he was trying to be (for Sasuke, these were supposed to be words of comfort) I didn't feel any better. I spent pretty much my whole life living in this room, and now I was being forced to leave again.
Sasuke got dressed and he helped me pack up and carry my bags. I didn't see my dad before I left.

Everything reminded me of the day I left after finding out I was pregnant; the yelling, the slammed doors, my dad shunning me and forcing me to leave, me holding back tears at the fact that he didn't even say goodbye.

I wondered how long he'd make me stay away this time. Or if I'd ever be allowed to come back.

Once we got to Sasuke's place, he put all my bags in his room and we sat on the bed.

He looked at me, his expression unreadable, and caressed my face. "Don't worry about your father. He seems like such an asshole. This is your home now. Feel free to whore around any time." He winked.

My heart was heavy and I felt sick. This was my home now, huh?