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Text Messages

"I, uh, I'm sorry about everything, Santiago," I practically whisper into the cool night air. After Santiago finally got dressed and celebrated with his mom, he told me he would walk me home. Ms. DeRosa congratulated both of us on our acceptance and gave both of us a hug. She offered me dinner again, and I unfortunately told her that I already ate, so instead she gave me a giant Tupperware of orange rice and sent me on my way. So now, I'm walking the same path home with Santiago, wearing his hoodie that he didn't let me give back. I don't even need it for warmth, because his fingers that are intertwined into mine are able to keep my whole body warm.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he says, turning to look at me. My heart has been going crazy once I finally processed the fact that Santiago has kissed me, multiple times at this point. Everything happened so quickly, so now I'm backpedaling to the things I wanted to say before he stopped me with a kiss.

"Yes, I do." I release my hand from his in order to turn to face Santiago. "What I did was, for lack of a better word, bullshit." I wish I had better things to say, but if I pause too long to say it, nothing is going to come out of my mouth. I just need to let my thoughts flow for once. No filter. "I literally ran away from you when something didn't go my way, that's a fucking bullshit move. I blocked your number and went out of my way to avoid you. I stopped going to Roger's just because I couldn't bear to see you. It's a dick move; it was all a stupid fucking move. So, I'm sorry for all that." I can tell he wants to talk, but I keep speaking. I can't stop now. "I just- I never had anything remotely close to this happen in my life before. It's like I'm living in a rom-com, and I'm not the main character type. And, I only have one other friend, and I thought I ruined our friendship, and I just wanted to run away. And now I'm making myself the victim which isn't what I mean to do. I just care about you, care about our relationship. And-" I finally feel the tears swelling in my eyes when Santiago cuts me off. Can you ever talk without crying, Darrion? Your eyes are like an agricultural drip system.

"Darrion, it's okay. Knowing how stressed you are, saying 'no' to your question probably wasn't the smartest move on my part," he laughs, trying to lighten the situation. "And making me wait for three weeks only made me realize how much I like you." He cups my face. How is he able to calm me down so much? "But blocking me was definitely a dick move." He starts to run away from me jokingly, and I have to sprint to catch up before he continues talking. "I poured my heart and soul into some of my texts, so maybe you should just delete them once you unblock me. My texts at 2 AM are not my proudest moments." He laughs.

He was texting me for this whole time. For the whole time I was selfishly trying my best to forget about him. For the whole time I was stupidly convincing myself that he didn't care, he was showing it. And, I ignored it. I fucking ignored it.

"I'm so sorry, Santiago." His response is silent. A simple movement of his hand to grab my own.

---

We get to the front of my house, my heart and mind and body still racing. He stays at the front of the pathway, as I walk forward to the front door. His smile illuminating the night, as he watches me reach the door. "Thank you for everything," I say, reaching for the door handle.

"Don't mention it." And with that, he turns on his heels and walks away, waving bye to me. I open the door, walk inside, run up to my room, and collapse onto the floor as soon as the door closes. Did that really happen? There's no way. No, no, no, no, way. I must be dreaming or something, right? I pinch my forearm, and pinch it again, and a third time just to be sure. And, I don't wake up. But that doesn't mean I'm not dreaming right? Wait, I read somewhere that clocks don't work in dreams. Like you can't ever know the time when you're dreaming. I pull out my phone. 8:30. I guess I'm not dreaming.