Nothing but Heartbreak

14. A wedding invitation

My week had been long enough. I felt drained as I dragged myself home. I had been avoiding looking at my phone. I knew what would be on there. I had one missed call. I was usually one to call people back quickly if I missed a call but seeing Harlan's name in red did nothing but make me want to throw my phone across the room.

After drinks with Liz I felt even more conflicted. I knew I had been hurting myself over the years. It was something the voice in the back of my head told me but I usually ignored it. If I had told Harlan about my feelings years ago and he told me he didn't feel the same way I would've been able to move on. It would've hurt a lot but it would have ended the what if's I spun in my head to keep myself from moving on from him. I hurt myself by taking every conversation we had and analyzing it to prove to me that maybe he felt the same way I did and then to have him jump into bed with someone else and immediately feel my heart break a tiny bit more.

I had been doing that to myself all these years. Harlan had no clue what he was doing. The truth hurt more than I was willing to admit.

So I had done what I did with most of my problems and just ignored it. I pushed it away and threw myself into working and I started up jogging. I was having trouble sleeping so I spent most of my morning before work literally trying to run away from my issues.

I made my way to the my mailbox to grab whatever bills and junk mail was dropped off today and then finally be able to lay out on my couch and probably order in delivery from somewhere. The energy I had was running very low and I couldn't get myself to want to cook tonight.

I unlocked my mailbox and threw it open carelessly grabbing at the small stack of envelopes inside. I closed my box and slowly flipped through my mail as I walked towards my apartment.

Bill.

Junk mail.

Bill.

I stopped at the next envelope. I couldn't say I was expecting a letter from my father. I did not even know he knew where I lived in order to send me a letter. But there was no denying the fact that his name was written in neat handwriting right above the return address. I was half tempted to rip it up or just send it back to him unopened.

I wanted to push him away. To ignore him like he did me my whole life. But I couldn't.

I was already opening it up even as I shouted at myself what a terrible idea it was to read whatever was in this envelope. I wanted to just add this to the growing list of problems I'd try to run away from. But this one was here staring at me in the face.

Of all the things I had expected this to be it was not a wedding invitation.

My father was getting married to a women I never met. A women I hadn't even known he was dating.

My life really sucked.

I shoved the invitation back into the envelope roughly and threw the rest of the mail into my bag. I didn't want to deal with anything at the moment. I was sick of having the rug ripped out from under me.

I was pulling out my phone and dialing up the number I knew by heart even before I walked into my apartment.

"Hey sweetheart what's up?" My mother's voice poured into my ear.

Usually the sound of her voice would calm me but today I felt the panic continue to spread through my body, the anger filled my head even as I tried to fight it away.

"I got a letter from dad." I said.

"Oh." She replied softly.

"Did you know he was getting married? He wants me to come to the wedding." My grip on my phone tightened, if I was stronger I would've been scared of breaking it in my hand.

"I didn't know that's what he was going to send you. He called a few weeks ago, he said he tried to call you but you didn't answer. He only told me he wanted to send you something but he wanted to confirm an address so it actually got to you."

"Don't you think that's something you should've mentioned to me? I had no clue he was even going to send me anything and now I'm blindsided with this stupid invitation." My voice raised slightly.

I hadn't meant to yell at my mom but I was mad. I was mad this meant I was going to have to see my father for the first time in years. I was going to have to do this at a public event where even if I wanted to I couldn't make any type of scene or even try to be mad at him. He walked out of my life and now I was going to have to pretend like everything was ok.

I wanted to burn that stupid invitation.

"I'm sorry I should've told you. I know how you feel about him and I know how he is. I honestly didn't think he'd actually reach out and then by the time I saw you again I kinda forgot about it. But just because he sent you an invitation doesn't meant you have to go." My mom said apologetically.

"You know I have to." I muttered.

I hated my father for the way he hurt me. He left me when I was young and never bothered to try to stay in my life for more than one or two phone calls a year. He'd call on my birthday and pretend like everything was good that he was dad of year because he remembered it was my birthday. He decided to do bare minimum one day a year and expected our relationship to just be fine. I hated him for making me feel unworthy for making me try to figure out what I did to make him not want me in his life.

I hated him for a lot of reasons but mainly because no matter what I am never able to turn my back on him. There is still a part of me that loves my dad and if I didn't go that part of me would regret it forever.

I couldn't even think as I hung up on my mom. I let myself collapse in my own bed as I cried until exhaustion hit and I finally fell asleep.

A/n:

Ok so I'm going back to twice a week uploads. I've been writing a bit lately and I have plenty of prewritten chapters. So I might end up changing the days I upload but I haven't made the decision yet on exactly which two days I'll be posting.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!

-Cora Leigh