What I Should Have Done ✓

Chapter 21

The food was delicious, as expected, and Marianne's corn bread was mouth-watering, John hadn't made empty promises. I was glad I had gotten to know Laura better. She was an ally here, the only other non-original family member at the party, even if she was marrying into it soon.

Although everyone was happy and enjoying themselves, I couldn't entirely shake my heavy heart. The Jays were a wonderful family, but they weren't my family. I had mentioned something about it to Laura earlier and she now made a special effort to incorporate me into the conversation. John and I were seated opposite Laura and Andrew, with Mr. and Mrs. Jay at the heads of the massive oak dining table. It was a beautiful piece. The wood was of great quality, the carvings along the edges and legs were imaginative and the finishing was professional. It had to have cost a small fortune.

"So, Grace, what's your family doing today? How come we are so lucky to have you for Thanksgiving?" asked Andrew. Laura shot him a glare and, I was fairly certain, kicked him under the table. "Ouch!" he hissed quietly. "Sorry, you don't have to answer."

"No, it's fine," I quickly said. I didn't want to seem rude or oversensitive. "Um, I think my dad and Grampa accepted a neighbor's invitation for dinner. She's a great cook and her family lives too far away to join her for Thanksgiving, so she likes to have people over. Neither my dad nor my Grampa are world-class chefs, so I know they're grateful to get a nice meal. Although it won't beat this," I said and sent a smile Marianne's way.

Marianne smiled back humbly. I was thankful no one asked about my mom and why I wasn't with her.

"You're majoring in psychology, aren't you?" asked Mr. Jay.

"Yes, sir."

"No 'sirs' at this table, please," he scolded in a good-natured way.

John placed his hand on the back of my chair. Even though I was sitting on the edge of the seat—it made me sit up straighter—my skin burned as if he were touching me. I didn't think I could have focused on the conversation if he had. Damn it. My infatuation was becoming a problem. A problem that was only getting worse with each hour I spent with John. Jessica's words floated into my head: 'Does he have a reason to be jealous?'

Maybe he does.

Thankfully, Mr. Jay swooped in and unknowingly saved me from the dizzying speed of my thought carousel. "So why psychology? Do you have any family background in psychology?"

I cleared my throat. "Not at all. I wanted to understand people better, but also myself, which is many people's motivation for studying psychology. And these people are disappointed when they find out that's not what happens. But I still enjoy it now that I know better."

"Grace wants to be a child psychologist," John offered and sent me a smile. My ears grew hot. It wasn't one of his prom king smiles. This one was more intimate. It wasn't for the audience. It was reserved for me. In my chest, my heart palpitated to the rhythm of his name playing over and over in my mind. John-John-John.

"That sounds challenging." Andrew sounded impressed.

"But rewarding," added Laura, and shot a sideways grin at her fiancé.

Marianne beamed at her daughter-in-law. "Oh, yes, Laura would know."

"As cliché as it sounds, I believe I can do a lot of good in that field, and I usually connect easily with kids." Mr. Jay nodded in approval which made me sit up straighter. I bet he could make or break his sons' good moods simply by virtue of granting or denying his approval.

What I didn't say was, after my parents had divorced, I should have had a therapist to talk to and was lucky enough to at least have had Grammy and Grampa, but no one needed all of my family issues sprawled out over Thanksgiving dinner. Truthfully, any question they could have asked me would have been a question about my family in some way. They had made me the person I was. With that in mind, I couldn't blame them for touching on a tender spot, because I seemed to be nothing but one big tender spot.