3AM
Tonight's not different from any other nights that I usually have. Spending so late up until I heard the cackling sounds of the roosters.
Holding my phone while scrolling down the memes that endlessly popping out of my newsfeed. Trying to stifle my laugh. Afraid of waking the dawn's growing serenity.
There were lots of things that keep going on my mind. But every time I am trying to say it out loud, it's just making me so damn frustrated coz it seems like I couldn't find the right words to say. I can't find a better way to say it.
I don't know. But then, I can still remember how good I was in communicating with other people. But then, as the time hastily flies, the supposed ripened maturity that I have thought that I should be getting seemed to be so out of my reach.
Instead of growing positively and attain greater improvements and good progress even just a little bit at a time, there's nothing. I just can't see it nor feel it. I feel nothing. So fucking nothing that then lead again to my endless self-blaming, cursing the so hell out of me. Lashing almost the same knives of words every fucking time. In every lash out, their edges also getting sharper and more cruel.
I'm sick.
So sick.
I know that instead of drowning myself from all these suffocating thoughts and cruel words, I should learn how to shed my own light upon my musky sky. Yet it's just, I can't understand myself anymore. I wanted to take a break. But I just can't. Everything is getting narrower yet at the same time, it's also getting so out of my hand. They're slipping off too damn quick that I'm just asking for some seconds of break, then poof. It's already worth lightyears cost of wasted time just for something irrelevant.
Why? There are so lots of it that I might just get swiftly get older before I could even done dropping all of 'em.
Why's. They're just why's that keep on playing tricks with you. And dang! They play so good that you'd just be wanting to keep on asking as if trying to dig up on their answers.
Lots of questions.
But only some could answer.
Lots of questions but only a few of them has an answer.
It's just a matter of picking up the relevant ones that are worth seeking for their supposed damn answers.
Some are just there and meant to stay that way. Hanging as a question that would just let you think of ways to find answers for the other questions.
Will leave you deeply thinking and wondering.
But then, sometimes, in the end, they will just lead you to another loads of fucking questions. Leading you to a journey of wondering. Taking a quest that might lead you to the path of nothingness.
But yeah. It's 3AM anyway.
