Beginnings Are Ends

Chapter 7: Time

I was beginning to think that hadn't happened. Thinking back on it now, almost two weeks later, it felt like I had just imagined that moment of rejection.

But no, it had happened. And everyone knew about it.

Stan had texted me after school a few days after I had asked Cartman out, he was shocked when I told him those words had actual come out of my mouth. He seemed almost angry, it was to be expected with a guy like Stan but for some reason after I talked to him I just went into a state of despair. I didn't feel like I was alone and I wasn't exactly depressed. Everything just felt awkward. Weeks of me trying to act like the red head Jewish boy everyone had known since we were kids went by, Cartman wasn't really hanging out with us anymore. Stan, Kenny and I didn't see him after school. He didn't sit with us at lunch, his reasoning is beyond me. I never know what that fatass is up to.

After about a month, things started getting worse, my brain almost felt broken. My once perfect grades were beginning to go down to B's and C's in most of my subjects. I was stressing about everything. My mom began getting harder on me about not trying enough, telling me I was lying when I would retort with the fact that I was trying my absolute best to bring my grades back up. I wasn't me. After everyone knew Kyle Broflovski wanted to be with Eric Cartman, I couldn't be me.

Aside from the grades Stan was beginning to find the dumbest reasons to bicker with me. He'd start up the most pointless fights I have ever seen between best friends. The worst part of the fights with Stan was that after they were done each night, I let them get to me. And I didn't have anyone I could talk to about this. I didn't want Ike to see me like this and I had usual found myself going to Stan back in middle school when I needed to talk.

But that was all over, it was almost like I was alone despite still having Kenny and maybe even Butters. I had stooped down a couple of levels due to the humiliation of the past few months. Butters was still nice to me and he'd pity me every now and then, which to be honest I needed every once and a while. But he wasn't really a close friend. He wasn't someone that made me feel a whole lot better.

Kenny. I'm not sure what his deal was. It was almost like he was mocking me. Whenever my eyes would even go over Cartman while looking over the students in the cafeteria the blond would give me a look like he was telling me, yeah I know. And everyone else does too.

Don't take this like I think my friends are horrible, because I don't. I'm only in a negative state. Most things seem dull to me lately.

But one night, and I'm not sure why, I decided to text Cartman when one of the power struggles between Stan and I had gone too far. He answered, and to my shock he gave me some helpful advice. I considered that maybe Kenny was over at his house, pretending to be Cartman on his phone. I began ranting, and found myself on the subject us.

I'm sorry dude, I'm bothering your ass. Ill let you get some sleep.

Wait

I paused just before I set my phone on the wooden bedside table in my room. I held the phone with two hands once more and began to type.

What?

What if I told you....

There was a long pause. A pause long enough for me to think he was teasing me. I tossed the phone to the end of my bed and lay down on my side. I bit my lip, my body wanting me to let tears from my eyes, but I wouldn't allow it.

Minutes went by before I felt the phone vibrate. I sprang up, a little too desperate as I reached for the device and stared at the words on the screen.

What if I told you the Nazi loves the Jew boy back?

It was a stupid analogy, I should've yelled at him for it... But I found myself overwhelmed with happiness. I didn't answer his text, I just held the phone and curled up with watery eyes. Thinking myself to sleep.