love (n.)
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
I was in love with Him. That much I knew. I wanted every aspect of my life to revolve around Him; there simply was no me if I didn't have Him. I couldn't have possibly survived without Him around me. There would be no reason for me to live; He is my everything, my entire world. No matter what He did I would never leave. He would get mad and yell at me, but I just listened and did as He asked, hoping to soothe His anger. But something was different tonight, something was off.
"Why are you lying to me? I know you cheated on me! You've loved him since the day you met him; you love him. Just tell me you do! Say it!" Deep voice booming as He yelled, but I barely noticed, I had grown immune to this side of Him.
"Baby, why would I cheat? I only want and need you! I need you! You have no idea what would happen if I didn't have you, I wouldn't last a week." I slowly reached my hand forward to try and grab His, an attempt to calm Him. His hand was yanked out of my reach and raised high above me into the air. At His raised arm I flinched, pushing my body back into the wall, eyes wide with fear. After I felt the harsh blow to my cheek I cowered away from Him, shaking and feeling the tears slowly start.
He took a few steps back and looked scared. He lowered His hand back to His side and I closed my eyes and turned away, still terrified and unsure. I hear the soft thud of His knees into the carpet as He knelt before me, reaching up to run His fingers across my sore, reddened cheek. I opened my eyes but flinched away from His touch, making His hand drop from my face.
"No, please no, oh god, no. Baby, I'm so sorry! I swear I would never intentionally hurt you and I don't know what came over me but it was an accident. I was just mad and I don't know what happened. Please baby, are you okay?!" His accent always got stronger when He was drunk or when He was speaking with emotion, and I knew this was the ladder. His eyes were watery and a couple of tears fell down His face. The face that I once saw as beautiful and perfect, but that now looked terrifying and had me cowering in a corner in an attempt to get away.
"Please. Just give me some time and space." I had no idea how to react. I slowly stood, pausing for Him to back away from me, before quietly walking to the guest bedroom and locking myself in. The tears fell as I slid down the door and sat on the floor. I could hear Him sniffling in the other room, letting me know He was not okay with His actions either.
Two days later, with check-ins from Him, His friend, Liam, came over. Hearing his voice enter the deathly silent house warmed my heart a bit. I had become friends with Liam the day He and I met; He had introduced me and Liam. There was just an immediate click between us, we just got each other.
"Stevie? Can I come in, love?" The soft, gentle accent making my heart lift as I slowly pulled myself from the bed, unlocking the door before cracking it open to see his face. I was greeted with eyes that were sad but he wore a small smile. I looked to the floor as I pulled the door open and shut it behind him. Liam's warm embrace snapped me out of my daze as I quickly wrapped my arms around his middle, pulling him close and breathing in the scent that was Liam. My tears that had stopped began again, shaking my body as they streamed down my face. I was embarrassed to be crying in front of him but I knew he wouldn't judge me.
"Sweetheart...what are you thinking?" Liam spoke slowly. My head rested on his chest, making his voice sound deeper.
"I'm thinking I wish you would have come sooner." I admitted, my voice sounding strange and slightly hoarse from not being used. I looked down when he backed up and held my shoulders at arm's length. I know he wanted me to look up at him but I kept my eyes trained on the floor.
"You know I would have been here sooner if I would've known...but I just found out. Anyway, you and I both know that's not what I was asking about. Stevie, what do you think about all of this?" I knew that was what he was asking, but I really wanted to avoid his question.
"Can we lie down? I'm kind of tired still." After getting a nod from him, I walked over, getting under the blankets and moving to the back of the bed by the wall so he could get in. Once he did lie down in front of me, facing me, he placed his hand in front of me so I could play with his fingers, a habit Liam knew well.
"I don't really know how to explain how I feel. You know me; I'm not very good at telling my feelings." I continued messing with his hand as he moved his fingers around in my hand, tapping them against my palm.
"It's just me. Stevie, we agreed that we trust each other with our lives, right?" I nodded. "You have to let it out, it's just like all the other times you've told me things. Just trust me. If you don't want me to I don't even have to tell Him." I smiled over at him and took a deep breath before starting.
"I'm assuming you know what happened?" I asked, needing to know how much I had to tell.
"No, not really. He just called and told me that you guys were fighting again and something happened that was his fault and that you'd locked yourself in here for the past couple of days. He asked me to come as soon as I possibly could." Looking at me intently, Liam waited for my response.
"We were fighting again but something was off about Him. I couldn't place my finger on it and maybe once I tell you everything you can figure it out, but it was weird. He wasn't Himself, He was angrier and really...uhm aggressive." I cleared my throat and tore my eyes away from his gaze, instead looking at our hands.
"What do you mean aggressive?" His words came out sharp and measured. He was mad, but when I looked into his eyes they softened slightly. "He didn't."
I frowned, but kept eye contact. I knew he had figured it out, he knew what happened but he didn't want to believe it. I nodded, confirming his fears. Liam was breathing heavily with anger and was getting out of the bed. I tightened my grip on his hand, not letting him out of my reach. Liam drug my body partway across the bed as I resisted his movements.
"Where are you going?" I asked, confused and worried.
"I'm going to talk with Him."
"No. I know you're going to either beat Him up or yell and scream then beat Him up. Just don't. Please don't." Liam stopped pulling against me and sat on the edge of the bed, next to where I had shifted my body to be. I laid my head in his lap and he played with my hair.
"You know me too well." We smiled at each other before going solemn again. "What do you want me to do?"
"Should I just leave? Do I just leave Him and try to move on? Does He deserve another chance?" I looked up, hoping for these hard questions to just be answered for me, by the person who I currently trusted most.
"Those are your questions to answer. But, I know you want answers so I'm going to tell you something and I want you to figure out what you want, okay?" I nodded and he continued. "Since He...did that to you He could easily do it again. It also could've been a onetime accidental thing. You have to decide if you want to stick around and find out. Do you want to take that chance?"
