require (v.)
to be in need of something or somebody for a purpose; make something necessary; to demand something by law; to insist that somebody do something
"The other day when He came to talk nothing happened or anything, we just figured some things out. We were simply hoping to figure some things out and expect to talk to the other boys sometime soon. Of course, you'll be there and I am hoping you can help me and Him to calm the other boys down if they get upset. The next day when you dropped me off at His house He helped me pack up the few things I brought over here with me. When I was leaving He helped me put the bags into my car and He kissed me. I guess who could say I told him to in a roundabout way, but I'm still not sure why I did." I breathed deeply and braved a quick look up to Liam's face, he didn't look pleased but not completely pissed off yet.
"And today He took me back to the restaurant that was our special place. We had our first date there, became a couple there, and always celebrated special occasions by going there. The owner came up to us today and thought we were still a couple. She was probably more excited to see us two together than I was to actually be there with Him. I couldn't break the poor lady's heart so she still thinks me and Him are a couple. We didn't really talk much, we sat on opposite sides of the booth even. Somehow I ended up crying and that was the only time I sat next time to him at the restaurant, and it was just for long enough to make me stop crying. The only thing that really happened today was Him kissing me goodnight and you saw that. It was just an innocent kiss on the forehead. I'm done, comments, questions?"
"He kissed you? Like really kissed you?" I nodded solemnly, waiting for him to continue. "He wins again." I let my eyes lull shut and exhaled loudly. I didn't want him to know that happened, but I also didn't feel comfortable keeping things from him.
"No one has won anything." I knew what Liam was thinking, there isn't a need to try if the winner was already predetermined. Fortunately for him, the "winner" is going to be undetermined until something big happens. It's going to be a very difficult decision so really, any bad move on either one's part could result in me making my decision.
"That's where you're wrong. For two years He got to hug you, kiss you, love you, and make you feel like a princess. And me, I've never even gotten a real kiss. Of course the hugs and pecks on the cheek and cuddles are great, but I always feel so needy around you. You make me want more and more from you constantly. I always want you close and I always want to get mad when other guys even look at you. I just really want to be able to call you mine. That's all I want. But He is already winning you over. He's already claiming you as His again, but this time I don't want to have to sit back and watch my fate be decided for me." I was shocked, but not nearly as shocked as what happened next.
Liam kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek or forehead, a real kiss. I froze up, but he made a low noise and pushed his lips against mine harder, getting me to kiss back. The kiss softened once I began kissing back. I could feel him smiling into the kiss, which made me realize that this simple gesture made him happy again. Pulling away from the kiss, I rested my forehead on his and left my eyes closed.
"There you go, you got what you wanted." I smirked and opened my eyes to see his closed and a smirk on his face.
"I sure did. Thank you." That kiss was a strategic move on Liam's part but my thoughts were all over the place. I had felt something, a slight warm feeling inside, but when me and Him kissed out by my car I had felt so much more. It was a kiss that made me feel fireworks and it made me melt from the inside out. I had thought that Liam was a sure winner, but that kiss made me take a step back and not just tell him that I would start a relationship with him right then and there.
I dropped down on to my back and sighed, ready to go to bed and stop thinking for tonight. Why did all of this have to be so confusing and difficult? He loved me, Liam just told me today that he loved me, but time isn't always everything I suppose. Sometimes people you've known for a day can have more of an impact on your life than someone you've known your entire life.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Thoughts on the kiss or everything?" I answered his question with one of my own.
"Everything, up to and including the kiss." I nodded and relaxed into the bed, grabbing and yanking on the blankets until they covered me and Liam moved underneath them also.
"I feel like my mind is going every direction at once and I just don't know what I should do or say or anything. I like you and I like Him, but I am worried that if I were to choose one it would go wrong and I wouldn't have a fall back. I couldn't pick you and then when things went bad go to Him or vice versa. I enjoyed our kiss but I didn't exactly dislike the kiss He and I shared earlier. You kissing me made me think I could have a fresh start, but His kiss made me reminisce and it made me think I could have the old comfortable life back. I don't know what I want." I felt the tear slipping down the side of my face and running into my hair, but I didn't try to stop the ones that followed in it's path.
"I'm sorry. I've made everything so difficult for you and now you're crying which I hate. I just want a chance with you and I just thought that maybe I could have that. But I can't ask you to leave the guy you still love for me if that's not what you would choose. If you wanted to go back and be with Him and things don't go quite as well as you'd hoped or something went bad again I'll be here. I'll always be your friend no matter what and if you decided sometime in the future you'd want to try being with me, I'll be here waiting for you. I understand that you may or may not have an idea of who you are going to be with, but I hope I still stand a chance." Liam was sad, I could tell. Every word he said he had meant, but it seemed painful to say. Most likely it was just that it was difficult for him to say that I could go back to Him.
"Could you try and be a little less perfect please? Seriously, no matter what I do you always say you will support me and be there for me. I don't deserve someone like you. You deserve a girl who doesn't have problems and can be the perfect wife someday."
"Don't you understand that I want you to be that perfect wife someday? You deserve more than me but I couldn't possibly find someone who could compare to you. I may just be selfish but I want you for myself. You're the one I envision when I think of my future family." His words placed a smile back onto my face and I nuzzled myself closer to him. Liam had my heart. It wanted someone like this that warmed my insides. But He had my soul, which wants the old me back and the same old love that I'm used to. But sometimes you have to make compromises for the ones you love. Heart over soul or soul over heart?
Was it possible that Liam was winning my heart while Zayn was winning my soul?
