Married to a Moose (a supernatural imagine fanfic)

Chapter 26- The Sorrowful Goodbye

You wake up in the middle of the night, and you lay there just running the things you were thinking about earlier through your mind over and over. The boys, this life, love, happiness, death. You make a hasty decision and get up.

You grab a pad of paper and write Dean and Sam two separate notes.

Dean,

I'm writing you this with extreme difficulty. I owe you a thank you before I tell you what you don't want to hear. I want to thank you for praying to Cas to bring me back and heal me. I was not ready to die. You stayed by my side the whole time (which I'm not saying makes Sam a bad person) which I appreciated. I love you so much and I'm so happy and grateful you've been here for me. Now the bad part: I'm leaving. I don't know where or how long, but I'm leaving. It has nothing to do with you specifically, but I just don't think I'm cut out for this life. I can't take the death, the pain, or the sorrow anymore right now. I need to get away. You still have my phone number, so call me any time. I'm not losing touch with you boys. This doesn't mean I'm mad at you, or that I don't love you, but I just need to leave. I can't take it anymore.

Goodbye Dean.

- (y/n)

You leave a similar one for Sam.

Sam,

I promise you I'm not mad about anything. I'm not mad about you not staying with me when I was about to die, and I'm not mad about anything with our relationship. I do however, need to tell you this:
I'm leaving, Sam. I'm not leaving you as in I'm not leaving our marriage. I told you that the other day. I love you so much and I don't want to hurt you, but I can't stay any longer. I can't handle the sorrow, the pain, or the death anymore. It's eating me up inside. I'm not cut out for this life. I just need to get away. You still have my phone number, and you can call me anytime. I don't know where I'm going, or when and if I'll be back. I'm sorry Sammy.

I really hope you know I still love you, and I'm not leaving because of anything you or Dean did. All I can say is, I'm sorry.

Love you,
(y/n)

You place a quick kiss on Sam's lips. Not hard enough to wake him up, but enough to give him your goodbye. You put your note on his chest. You grab your packed duffle bag, and all the money you could find quickly, while making sure you had your blade in your coat pocket.

You walk over to Dean's bed in the other room, and place his on the table next to his bed. You give him a quick kiss as well. Not one that means anything, but one for goodbye, and walk out the door.