Married to a Moose (a supernatural imagine fanfic)

Chapter 15- Is Hope an Illusion?

You had just finished a day full of your thoughts all to yourself never having to think about what the boys were going to say about them never thinking about whether you were making a big deal about something, just you and your thoughts. You headed to bed, and Sam had just come out of the bathroom, giving you your chance to get ready for bed. You wanted to get one thought off your chest first.

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok? Cause you seem like something is bothering you."

"I'm fine (y/n). Don't worry."

"Sammy. I can tell something is up, and we promised we'd talk about it if anything ever bothered us."

"I know.... Ok. Fine. Originally I agreed with you that he can get through all this stuff with the mark, but after seeing him today, I'm not sure anymore. He could barely pull out of it and it took a lot of shouting to break through to him."

"Have a little faith in Dean. I know it seems really bad right now, and it is, but I believe in him. He is stronger than he seems Sam."

"I know (y/n). I know he's stronger that he seems, but I don't know that this is something he can do. He can't control it. I just don't know how long we can keep him from becoming something none of us want him to become. I feel like its almost hopeless at this point. It's just escalating really fast and I'm scared for both of our lives and I can't see why you're not."

"I suppose you are sort of right. It has escalated really fast, and I don't know that he can get out of this. I was just trying to stay positive. Are we just gonna do nothing, or are we going to try to help him?"

"I don't know, are you?"

At that moment you look over at the door to your room, and Dean is standing there clearly pissed.

"How much did you hear?"
Sam asks

"Just about all of it."

"Look Dean, " Sam starts.

"I don't want to hear it. What happened to helping me through this and doing this together?" You and Sam stay silent.

"Dean," you finally speak up "I'm still going to help you with this."

"You just said you don't have much hope left in me. You both act like I can do something about this. You act like it's my choice. It's not and I can't control it. I am not in control hardly at all when the mark is active. You barely broke through to me when I was with Crowley. I need your help to do this, and if you two are going to be so unsympathetic and unhelpful then just leave me alone." He says before storming out of the room. You start to head after him.

"Stop (y/n). Don't. Just give him time to cool down." Just get ready for bed, and we'll see how he is in the morning. You sensed some guilt in Sam's voice which let you know you weren't the only one who felt bad about what was said. You climbed into bed with Sam. After a while, Sam was out. You managed to sneak out of bed and grab some clothes and go downstairs.

The impala was gone, but you knew where Dean went. You took your car, and went to the one place you knew Dean would go. The bar.

You walk in and the smell of alcohol hung so heavily in the air that you practically felt it hard to breathe. You were never much of a drinker. It didn't take long to find Dean. He was sitting at the bar with a glass of something definitely stronger than beer. You say down next to him, and he noticed.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, not removing his eyes from his drink as he swirled the liquor in his glass.

"Finding you." You reply

"Does Sam know you're here?"

"No." You say "I didn't leave a note, I just snuck out."

"Oh."

"Can we just talk Dean? Please? I just want to talk to you."

"So you came to say more mean things to my face? is that it?"

" No Dean, you know I wouldn't do that. Just listen. Please." He nods.

"I'm sorry Dean." Jeez, you realize you apologize a lot in this family. "I didn't mean all of what I said. I'm just scared. Terrified actually. Every time the mark lights up and you can't control it, I always wonder if this is gonna be the time I can't pull you out of it and you turn on me or Sam. It's getting worse, and I don't know what to do to help you." You say as you fight back the few tears you feel coming.

"You don't think I'm not scared too? I am terrified. It is the worst feeling to sort of know what's going on while the mark is active and not be able to do anything about it. I'm scared I'm gonna kill you or Sam. I thought that was why we were gonna work through it together- we are all scared, but we are scared together."

"I believe there is hope for you Dean, I just don't know how to help you at all."

"I know you don't, and that's ok, just please, don't give up on me. I need you and Sammy."

"I'm not going anywhere Dean. And again Dean, I'm really sorry for what I said about you to Sam. We should have just talked with you about it."

"It's ok (y/n). I forgive you as always, and I'm glad you came and talked to me."

"Come on Dean, I'm driving you home. You are getting pretty drunk. We can take the impala if you don't want to leave it here overnight." You grab his keys and help him walk out to the impala.

You reach the bunker and walk inside where Sam is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for you. He helps you get Dean to his bed before you both head back to the kitchen.

"Sorry I didn't leave a note Sam. I thought you were asleep, and I knew I'd be back."

"I felt you get up, and I assumed you went to find Dean." Sam says with no anger in his voice.

"Why aren't you pissed at me?" You ask, genuinely curious.

"I was going to do the same thing once you fell asleep. Is he ok by the way?"

"Yeah, we talked it out. He is just as scared if not more scared than we are. He knows we don't have the answer to helping him, but he just wants us to not give up on him. He deserves that Sam. We are all he has and we can't leave him to deal with this himself."

"Ok. Then we will do everything in our power to help him." He says. "Don't worry. Now, lets get some sleep. It's really getting late."

"Agreed." You say and give him a big smile as he gives you a slow and steady kiss before you head to bed, and actually fall asleep this time.