KiriBaku | Just Another Camp

Chapter 19

Bakugo

I don't see you like I should

You look so misunderstood

I'm sorry. None of you really understood why I felt this way, and honestly, I'm not quite sure either.

And I wish I could help

But it's hard when I hate myself

Maybe it was because I grew up with parents who thought I could handle the ever-constant emotional abuse.

Pray to God with my arms open

If this is it, then I feel hopeless

Maybe it was because I felt guilty for always bullying people.

And I wish I could help

But it's hard when I hate myself

Maybe it was because I had always hated myself. But whatever the reason, there was no stopping it.

Yeah, late nights are the worst for me

They bring out the worst in me

It started when I was 14, I think. It started with a single scrape.

Mind running, got me feeling like it hurts to think

And then one tiny scrape every month or so began to turn into two scrapes every couple of weeks.

If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me

All the core beliefs

Then two scrapes every few weeks turned to an actual cut every other week.

And every morning I wake up and feel like I ain't my worth 'cause I'm at war with peace

Or go to Hell, welcome to the corpse of me

And before I knew it, I was up to 4 cuts a day. 

Look at the body like you ain't nothing but poor and weak

It's kinda weird

Each cut was a punishment to myself.

Lately I been feeling like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink

That's more deceit, more defeat

One for being mean all the time.

Is this really what I'm born to be?

That's what you get for thinking you're unique

A second one for thinking that I'm better than everyone.

So poor but I'm so wealthy

Need help, but you can't help me

A third for being ugly.

What else can the world sell me?

Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they goin' out of stock

But it's not healthy

...

And a fourth for being happy.

I don't see you like I should

You look so misunderstood

I've never felt like I deserved to be happy. Depression does that to you, sometimes. It makes you feel like being happy isn't good; it makes you feel like being happy is a crime.