Secret Alliance - Johanna Mason x fem reader

Chapter 5 - Panic

"Plutarch Heavensbee? What are you doing here?", I questioned warily. "I understand that you must be quite confused under current circumstances", he began, but I interrupted him. "Current circumstances?!" "I was the one getting Katniss, Finnick and Beetee out of the arena. Things didn't go according to plan, but I am on the side of rebellion." Anger boiled up inside of me: "I'm not just confused! My mind is pretty clear right now. You want to present yourself as the savior now? Maybe you got those three out of the arena, but you left Peeta and Johanna behind! You put all of them in the arena to begin with and made them suffer in that hell hole again! And I'm pretty sure you didn't even try to get to Annie and me before the Capitol got us! Oh, and you didn't bother for I don't even know how long to get us out of there! Peeta believes that Katniss, the person he actually loves, is a mutation! Johanna is on death's door! And I guess you didn't bother to get my family out of district 7, did you?" "I see why you're angry and you have every right to be. If you're willing to listen to me I would like to explain everything to you", he offered. It would not hurt to get an overview of the current situation. So I agreed. He recounted everything that had happened during the past months and why he had acted like he had. "As you can hopefully see now. If I had acted differently, things probably would have gotten out of hand even more. That doesn't justify anything that happened to all of you, but sacrifices have to be made to win a war", he finished. I nodded absentmindedly. Somehow I could understand and respect his actions out of his point of view. "What about my family?" "I'm sorry, but I don't know. District 7 has already had several uprisings and many people died. It would have been too dangerous to go there and still is." Silence erupted. "Why did you come to visit me? I'm sure you didn't do it to help me process the situation." "Actually I was wondering if you know anything of use", he admitted. Suddenly I jolted upwards making my broken rib hurt even more: "Katniss! Did she meet Peeta?" "Unfortunately yes. So you know about his state." "He said that Katniss was a mutation. I didn't see what they did to him though. What did Peeta do when he saw Katniss?" "He tried to strangle her to death, which luckily didn't work out." "What about Johanna? Do you know anything about her state?" "She will join you soon", he assured me. That made me at least calm down a bit. I let myself sink down onto my pillow again.

When Heavensbee left I was feeling strange. The only time I had really been alone in the past years had been on my way to meet Johanna inside the forest. The exhaustion got a firm grip on me, but I was afraid to sleep. For the last weeks there had only been consciousness and unconsciousness. Sleep had the high possibility of dreaming, which I was not looking forward to at all. Soon another unfamiliar person in a gray uniform entered the room and brought me food. I poked around my food not attempting to eat it. "Don't worry. The food isn't poisoned our anything", she tried encouraging me fruitlessly. Actually her choice of words made my breathing fasten as memories flooded my mind. "Hey! Are you alright?" I forced myself to take deep breaths to calm down before nodding and shoving the food into my mouth. Simple fact. Without eating I would die. If I died I could not marry Johanna. So I ate reluctantly. The nurse appeared to be relieved and took my empty plate with her. After that I drifted off to sleep only to wake up from a nightmare over and over. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. Memories of my torture, my family participating in the rebellion, Johanna dying due to her injuries. I got out of my bed and looked at the clock. It was six pm. They had rescued us at night. Without any sense of orientation I wandered through the floors. To my surprise nobody noticed my disappearance. Honestly I was frightened walking around alone dressed in a hospital gown in a foreign area without any weapon to defend myself. But the thought of reliving everything of my capture in my nightmares was more unsettling right now. After about fifteen minutes of aimlessly walking around I had to sit down. Exhaustion, sleep, nightmare, awake. "Here you are! You can't just walk off on your own!", the nurse from earlier scolded me and attempted to help me up. But I slapped her hand away whispering: "Don't touch me." She was doubtful not knowing how to act. When I did not make any attempt to move, she sat down beside me. "It's cold here, isn't it?" "I've gotten used to the coldness underground. My cell was underground as well", I mumbled emotionlessly. "You look exhausted. Why don't you go back and rest", she suggested making me shake my head vigorously. She sighed: "I don't want to take you back by force. So could you please just follow me?", she almost pleaded overwhelmed with the situation. Her desperate state made me comply. Back in the room she asked me if I could not sleep, which I answered honestly. "We could give you a sedative", she offered, which I declined. I did not want them to give me anything. After all I could never be sure what it was before it reached my blood. So the nurse left me alone. The next hours were filled with fighting to stay awake, falling asleep and waking up due to a nightmare. This vicious circle repeated uncountable times until it was finally morning. Impatiently I waited for Johanna's arrival. When they finally rolled her inside the room on her bed, she was asleep and a fluid was flowing into her arm through a small tube. Panic rose inside of me at the sight. Abruptly I jumped out of my bed and stormed toward Johanna. But a man stopped me. Apparently he had noticed my panicked state. I struggled with all my power to break free, which was not a lot. "Let go! Don't touch me! What are you doing to her? What are you pumping into her?", I screamed. "Please, calm down. It's a strong pain killer called morphling", the man holding me explained. Two other people entered the room, probably because they had heard my outburst. My struggles grew weaker: "Please let go." He did and I sank onto my knees next to Johanna holding her hand in mine.