𝐹𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟 | JINSOO | DRAMA

31. Father

I slightly open my eyes and to my astonishment, a sleeping Jin was on the couch beside me. I take in his appearance, like all the time he was not wearing a suit or properly had his hair done. It almost looked like he is living with me. He was wearing a simple tee, slightly ripped jeans with bed hair. For the first time, I am not observing his action but just simply looking at him. Him being right beside me makes me feel......FULL. Just how this morning Lisa made me feel. But why do I feel something different when I am looking at him? Yesterday I even broke out in front of him, why did I felt relief when I saw him. Why does he being near me make me feel safe? Why his face can take away all of my worries? Am I just too concerned about his safety or this is-

Jisoo you're awake? 

Huh? Yes-

How are you feeling? 

Better. A lot better actually. 

Should I call in the doctor? 

No, I am fine. 

Oh Okay. Um-

I feel the awkward silence getting heavier, enough heavy to make it hard for us to breathe. I should just come clean to him. He should know the whole story, I involved him in this. 

Jin-

Yes. 

You can ask me anything. You deserve to know, you must have a lot of questions about everything together-

Jisoo I would be lying if I tell you I don't want to know. But my curiosity is not bigger than my concern for you. You should take a rest and think it through. If you feel okay to let me know then I am all ears but if it doesn't feel right you don't need to. I will be here even if you tell me or not. 

I-

I stop at my words. He deserves to know and more than what he deserves to know is that I want to tell him.

Take rest Jisoo. You don't need to tell me just because you need to-

He starts to walk out as I hold his hand. 

No, I want to tell you not because I need to but because I want to. 

Jin's Pov: 

I look at her astonishingly. She actually wants to open up-

You must have heard about her. 'Ji-Yoo Kim'.

JI-YOO KIM? That famous actress-

Yes. She is my mother.

Your mother!

Hmm. 

Why is this kept hidden? 

My grandmother didn't want my mother's career to end. When she got to knew that my mother got pregnant at the peak of her career she told her to have an abortion. But both of my parents thought otherwise, my father regretted that decision soon after though. After I was born the one who truly took care of me was my grandmother, she would nurture me and care for me but that lasted until I became a teenager. She suddenly started to call me a murderer and kept insulting me- I- I never knew what I did wrong. Without my father and grandmother, I had no one in my life, to begin with. So although I was pretty sure she hated me I still kept approaching her thinking maybe someday her love for me would come back or whatever mistake I had made she would forgive me. Until realization hit me I am a murderer, to begin with, how can I expect them to love me, to take care of me, I took his wife and her daughter away. It is actually a great deal for them to let me live. 

The man that was now sitting beside her bed had his eyes fixed on her delicate face. In his mind what kind of life is this? He was answering every question that she might have asked herself someday. Why is it her fault? It's not your fault. It never was, you never killed her, why are you calling yourself a murderer when all you ever did was, come to this world. He ultimately started to question god. What did she ever do for her to suffer so much?  Why did she live her life on eggshells? Although he had so much in his head, so many concerning words and emotions that he was afraid would be visible in his eyes in few minutes he still proceeds to ask her, the girl that had no expression held in her face. 

How was your father? Why did he never- 

Why did he never say anything? In my story, the least you will hear about is my father. Do you know why? because he was like my mother, even if he existed he was dead for me. Don't feel pity towards me Kim Seok Jin. I don't blame myself anymore, I used to when I was a kid. Now all I do is cherish myself. No one is more important than me, well Grandma is an exception maybe because she was the only person who showed me something called love. But even when my non-existent father died he said sorry to me and told me to cherish myself the most. The least I can do is obey him. 

You must hate him a lot. 

That sounded like an answer rather than a question Jin but I can't deny it. I hate him the most. Wanna know why? 

Tell me if that is what your heart wants. ( He already knew now in Jisoo's life everybody played a role but her father forever and always kept everything to himself and on his death bed said sorry to her, she must be imagining why did he even say sorry when he didn't even do anything, nothing. How messed up her life is and how tangled the people in her life are.)

Not today then. 

As the drop of tear left his eyes the one he was trying to hold back so much, he quickly looks away breaking the eye contact between them. As he proceeds to leave the room. 

Kim Seok Jin don't cry for me, you're a good person you should not feel sorry for anything. 

There was now a sudden burst of emotion that occurred to him. Was it because it was the first time Jisoo genuinely called him a good person or was that the girl seemed to be stronger than he thought. He looks back and without hesitation goes to her just to hug her and there was the man that looked stubborn on the outside now vented out his emotions that he tried to hide so much. He cried out loud hugging the delicate figure of the girl. Why does it hurt so bad?