As the Galaxy Cries

Atelophobia

-(n.) The fear of imperfections or not being good enough; an extreme fear of failing to achieve perfection in any of one's actions, ideas, or beliefs.

"We fall too fast

And crash too hard

Like shooting stars

In a galaxy

Of broken hearts."

-r.m. broderick

Atsumu often wondered why people choose to fall in love. Didn't they know the pain that came with it? The hollowness that you would feel if that love was unrequited? Falling in love was like setting yourself up for disaster.
The text wakes him up in the middle of the night, the silent buzz stirring him from his sleep.

But when he reads it he wonders if he's still asleep, if this was a nightmare that he could hopefully wake up from. If it was, he hoped that he would be jolted awake by his own fear, gripping his sheets as he reminded himself that it was only a dream.

He had no such luck.

[2:30am]
[From: Omi Omi<3]
Let's stop this. SK

[2:35am]
[From: Omi Omi<3]
I'm actually going to confess my feelings to someone. SK
Thanks for putting up with me till now. SK

[2:50am]
[From: Sakusa]
You've been a good friend, Miya. SK

Even in the middle of July, Atsumu is cold. It's not because of the air conditioner he has on full blast, or because he decided to sleep without covers. It's a bitter cold that makes his bones ache because he knew that there would never be a time again where he would feel Omi's fingers against his skin.

And if love was a choice, he'd choose to hate, because with hate there is no fear of pain.

Litost

-(n.) Regret and remorse and repentance; a state of agony and torment; or sorrow.

"He learned my secrets

Scars

Bruises

Flaws

And then he left"

-a.t

And who would want to fall in love, when the only feeling left is the emptiness of never being good enough?
Atsumu felt like throwing up. His stomach turned, trying to purge itself out from his throat. He knew that it would happen sooner or later, the warning signs were there. As much as he tried to ignore them, it never would have prepared him for the burning ache in his chest, the burning tears in his eyes, and the overwhelming feeling of simply not wanting to exist. Atsumu swore to himself that he would never fall in love again. If this was the feeling of getting your heart broken, he rather not feel at all.

Feeling was a curse, and Sakusa was it's caster.

He doesn't respond; doesn't feel the need to. They never put a label to their relationship because there was never one to begin with. He was simply filling the empty space in Omi's bed until he either got bored or found the courage to confess to Samu.

Why wasn't he enough?

It wasn't as if he hadn't asked himself this question a hundred times before. Where he would find himself awake in the middle of the night, trying to come up with reasons as to why Samu seemed to always be the first choice. Was it because he was always so loud? He knew that his ego sometimes got the better of him, but he had promised his teammates and friends that he was really trying to change.

Was trying just not good enough?

Atsumu lies awake for the rest of the night, wiping tears from his eyes and trying to convince himself that no matter what the outcome was he would be happy for them and support his brother because at the end of the day he loved him.

It wasn't till the sun started to come up that he eventually fell asleep, and when he walked into practice the next day the only excuse he could come up with when his teammates asked what was wrong was he got food poisoning from a new restaurant.

Sakusa threw him a half disgusted look at being sick, and Atsumu refused to acknowledge it.

Setsunai

-(n.) A complicated sadness that painfully creeps through the heart

"It's late and I'm lonely,

It's late and im crying

It's late and i'm breaking

It's late and i give up"

-a.l

It almost made Atsumu laugh; the way that his world seemed to be crumbling all around him, laughing and poking fun at his own misery.
Was this some kind of punchline to a bad joke?

Later on Atusmu came to the conclusion that his mom wasn't supposed to have twins to begin with.

[4:50pm]
[From: Samu >:P]
Hey...can we talk? SM

[4:53pm]
[From: Samu >:P]
I just got a text from Sakusa. SM

[4:57pm]
[From: Samu >:P]
It's not a joke, right? SM
Please don't tell me you put him up to this. SM

[4:59pm]
[To: Samu >:P]
No, it's not a joke. AM
Good luck, Samu. AM

[5:25pm]
[From: The Better Twin]
Thanks, Atsu. SM
Kiyoomi makes me happy. SM

There are no other ways to describe heartache than feeling someone rip your heart from your chest. It's like a terminal disease that drains you of all your energy and leaves you on the floor in the middle of the night, sobbing and pleading for the pain to stop.

Atsumu doesn't think he can do this.