As the Galaxy Cries

Monophobia

Monophobia

-(n.) The fear of being alone

"I am merely a sentence in your life

Yet I have filled

Libraries with

Thoughts of you"

-o.l.

Atsumu never thought that he would be in a position like this. Never thought that he would eventually crack under the weight of feeling so helpless that he would turn to someone for help. He never thought that he would be sitting across from the table from Kita, eyes puffy and skin a bit pale. Had he really fallen that much? Did he feel so hopeless that he couldn't bear the weight of this alone anymore?
Why did he have to rely on someone else to give him comfort? Has he really gotten this weak and brittle? Since when did Atsumu Miya become so fragile? He could say it was almost revolting.

Was that even possible?

When he first reached out he was half drunk out of his mind, voice shaking as he left his prior captain a drunk voicemail, sobbing on the phone about how life was playing a cruel joke on him. All he can remember was the way his chest hurt from crying, his voice scratchy and eyes itchy. When Atusmu eventually woke up the next morning, he had about ten messages from Kita asking when was the next time they could meet and if he was okay. He didn't want to know what it was that he said the night before.

Which is how they ended up at a small cafe, just outside of his home town, hot cup of coffee in his hands as he looked down, eyes focused on the steam from the cup than the person in front of him. "Hey Kita...do you ever think you can love someone so completely that it takes up your ability to ever love anyone else?"

He waits a few minutes before he looks up, and Kita's face makes his stomach turn and he knows that Kita can relate. So Atsumu's hunch was right. Kita loved Samu too. What an unlucky deck of cards he was dealt with.

A dry laugh falls from his lips as he turns to look out the window, eyes focusing on the movement of people outside than the way he felt himself slip into grasps of desperation.

"What's even the point of calling me a twin at this point," He muttered quietly, and he could have sworn he saw Kita flinch and look down at his own cup of coffee.

"There's no point when you're replaced wherever you go."

Coffee left a bitter taste in his mouth from that day forward.

Kita kept in contact, and maybe it was Atsumu's desperation to feel just as needed that led him to keeping in contact. And once again, he found himself comforting someone who just wanted his brother's affection.

Atsumu knows no greater pain.

Sehnsucht

-(n.) An intense yearning for something far-off and indefinable

"I can't even hold your hand

But i love you

With a love

That no one will understand"

-i.c.

Your smile is bright and welcoming. It warms every part of my body and soul. But the smile isn't for me, and it leaves a cold ache in my chest.
He should have seen it coming from a mile away. If he did, would he have been able to better prepare himself? If he did, would the pain still feel this bad?