As the Galaxy Cries

Sorrow

-(n.) a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.

"Give yourself time

To let him go

It will happen slowly,

Then all at once"

-Michaela Angeneer

It was like a candle struggling to keep a flame.
This love was a forest fire and the moment Atsumu started to put it out he saw the destruction that lay in its wake.

Slowly, eventually, the flame will die and with that Atsumu's pain would ease.

At least that's how it was supposed to go.

It's almost funny how much loving someone could hurt, and if Astumu wasn't constantly trying to grasp for a lifeline he would have laughed. He would laugh at the fact that no one seemed to notice how easy it was for him to hide his pain away and pretend that everything was okay. But he had to remind himself that he promised to get no one involved; it was a pain that he knew he had to deal with on his own.

He'd only be a bother.

It would be a waste of everyone else's time.

The only option left for him was to let go.

"You..seem a bit down lately, is everything okay?"

Atsumu's eyes snapped up from where he was tying his shoes in the locker room, thanking whatever gods there were that practice ended a bit early today. He felt drained, both mentally and physically.

Hinata's eyes were wide and bright again, something Atsumu could never understand. He envied the shrimps ability to always have hope; having a smile that never faded even when everything seemed to be falling apart. It's what made him such an important part of their team.

Atsumu wonders what he brings to the team.

Annoyance? Irritation? Probably both.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I've just been practicing on my own a lot." Lie. "Don't worry about me, I'm totally fine!" Tell him you feel like you're drowning. "How's Kageyama? I hear you guys are coming up on your two year anniversary." I'm so jealous, I want to kick and scream. "I'm so happy for you guys." I feel so alone.

But Hinata can't tell, the moment of flickering worry over with almost as soon as he showed it. Orange hair bounced up and down as Hinata finished getting dressed, rambling about how Kageyama actually planned a nice dinner for them at the end of the week.

Atsumu wished he could be happy for him, he really did. He was an important teammate, a good friend. He deserved to be happy and loved because Hinata was an overall amazing person.

Envy is an ugly feeling.

"I hear Kiyoomi and Samu are celebrating their one year soon. I can't believe that Kiyoomi actually found someone so important to him."

Ah, there it was.

That sinking feeling that Atsumu couldn't escape from. Like he was swimming in the middle of the ocean, gasping and begging for help before being dragged under the sharp waves, lungs filling with water and encompassing him with the cold feeling of heartache.

He wished he didn't feel a damn thing.

But he smiles, jersey in his hand before he shoves it into his bag, refusing to look at his teammates in fear that his feelings could be seen on his face.