As the Galaxy Cries

Gachis

-(n.) Realizing that once upon a time, you had the chance to achieve happiness, but you let it slip away.

"It rained for days,

After you left me,

As if the sky itself

Shared my grief."

-John Mark Green

He never knew that acceptance would be such a painful thing. He never knew that it would feel like his heart had been cut from his chest and ripped apart in front of him. If pain felt like this, Atsumu would much rather carve into his own chest and rip his heart out himself.
Atsumu wondered what being good enough felt like.

Was it warm? Did it feel just like the way the sun did when it hit your skin in the early hours of the morning? Did it feel like comfort; like wrapping yourself up in a blanket on a chilly day? Was acceptance everlasting? It wasn't as if he'd find out, and knowing that hurt more than the pain itself.

He would have sold his soul for just a day in Omi's arms again.

The days seemed to blur together at first, his phone tucked away in the depths of his sheets as he refused to get out of bed. The excuse of food poisoning is the only way to get some time to himself; time to ache and grieve.

During those days it rained, clouds blocking the sky as he tossed and turned, trying to convince himself that by next week he would be the supportive brother and teammate; smiles thrown to them and a happy 'congratulations.' Samu never needed to know about what happened, and Omi would never get a confession.

But for now the clouds grieved with him, the rain wept for him, and Atsumu himself started to heal.

Pleurer

-(n.) To cry.

"I am taking this in

Slowly

Taking it into my body

This grief

How slowly the body is

To realize

You are never coming back"

-Donna Masini

Sometimes Atusmu would wake up in a tired haze, hand outreached as he felt for a body next to him, yet succumbed to the fact that Omi wasn't there. It had been weeks now, yet his dreams were right there reminding him of the memories he wanted to forget.
But Samu was happy. His smile was something that Astumu loved to see, knowing that as his twin it was almost like his duty to make sure he was happy. And that? That's all that mattered.

He wore his mask well.

Well enough that know one knew that he was always one step closer to the edge. One more push towards despair that not even he could crawl out of.

Atsumu would picture Samu telling him to not be so dramatic, that he had to have a clear head on his shoulders for their upcoming game. How could the overly confident, egotistical brute be this upset over a man who never gave him the time of day unless it was in bed?

Atsumu would have told Samu he didn't know much about love then.

But didn't he?

Atsmu could see it every time that they were together. The look on Samu's face when Omi's looked at him.

It was the same way Atsumu felt when Omi touched him.

"You don't call him Omi anymore, did the nickname finally get old?"

Atsumu had looked up from where he was sitting on the bench, his eyes meeting bright ones as Hinata looked at him with a tilt of his head. No matter what anyone else said about the shrimp, his awareness of others emotions was better than most.

A fake smile, a quick laugh; Atsumu shrugged and stated that it was about time that he started to mature.

Hinata only bursted out laughing, suggesting that he go get his head checked and quickly ran back to practicing on the court.

Seemed like Atsumu was getting at pretending everything was okay.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to him when months later Atsumu received a text from Samu freaking out because Omi finally told him he loved him.

And of course, Samu responded with 'I love you too.'

Absquatulate

-(n.) To leave without saying goodbye

"Death is not the greatest loss in life.

The greatest loss

Is what dies

Inside

While you're still

Alive"

-Norman Cousins

Whoever stated that love was eternal was a monster.
Whoever said time would heal was a fool.

Atumu would have liked to meet the person who said that time healed a broken heart. He was sure that he'd probably punch them in the face.

And he's tried it all. He's tried hating Sakusa, tried hating even his own brother. He tried to be bitter about it, and tried to get revenge, but how could he break apart something that made his brother so happy? He wondered if he was only created in order for Samu to achieve happiness. It seemed likely; the twin who only made the other shine brighter. Highlighting all the reasons why Samu was indeed, the better twin.

He should have prepared himself for the pain that came with it.

Grief was an understatement, mourning underplayed how he felt. Anguish seemed more befitting.

Atsumu asked himself how he could feel like this when Omi was never his from the start. Maybe it hurt so much because he imagined everything he could have had. It was a love that was doomed from the start, a fleeting memory of a happiness that died before it have a chance to bloom.