Love in the Time of Beans (Among Us Logic)

Land of the Flea (Hunter x Happy platonic)

Feelings came and went on the Skeld, but one thing remained constant: Hunter hated bugs! It wasn't because of the creepy crawly factor or that he didn't like the taste of them in a freshly baked scuttlebug cookie. No, he didn't like them because as he knew from his time in the jungle, one bite from an infected flea could infect a Bean with any number of scary-sounding and deadly diseases.

At first, it wasn't a problem. The Skeld got checked for stowaway critters (but not for impostors...) before each flight, MIRA HQ's hallways were regularly doused in insecticide, and Polus was too cold for bugs. Hunter enjoyed missions free of flies, fleas, ticks, itchy mites, and their ilk.

And then along came Happy.

Right away the green-furred gremlin made a bad impression on Hunter. Happy couldn't even remember the last time he decontaminated. His fur was so dirty and smelly that, at first, Hunter had thought he was a tan Bean instead of his proper green. He had an annoying, shrill laugh and constantly tried to show Hunter some old meme he found on his tablet. But that wasn't the worst part. Happy had fleas.

Hunter couldn't even understand it. Beans were a smart, albeit snack-sized, species with a mind for exploration and science. Surely it would be degrading to have an infestation of garden-variety pests, like some maltreated animal. Not to mention painful -- how could he be okay with the itching, biting sensation of those bugs making a home in his fur? The green Bean had warned the others about his condition with a cheeky "Oh yeah, and I have fleas. Tee-hee! Hey, it means no-one can steal my bunk!" He then proceeded to do absolutely nothing about his fleas -- he didn't get meds for it, he didn't brush them out...he didn't even take a bath in decontamination.

Captain tried to be subtle. He assigned Happy to the Airship barrack closest to decontamination. He mentioned something about how he wanted to make it easier for Happy to do tasks in that area, like showering. It didn't work. Happy did all his tasks there except for the one damn thing Captain wanted him to do. He'd fix the shower, all right, but he never used it.

Mother used her trademark passive-aggression. She gave him a bottle of special MIRA Brand Tick-B-Gone™ Shampoo as a housewarming (shipwarming?) present. No dice. It gathered dust in Happy's foot locker.

Gnome tried guilt tripping. She made up a story about how her sister came down with a case of fleas once and how painful it was to have those pests biting her skin and laying eggs in her fur. She couldn't bear the idea of someone else going through that! Another failure. Happy just said "Oh yeah, that does sound bad," and went on his merry, stinky way.

Mr. Cheese woke up and chose violence. The other Beans were roused one morning to the cacophony of Mr. Cheese yelling in rage and Happy blubbering. Those who stuck their heads out the door were treated to the sight of the orange Bean grabbing Happy by the neckscruff and dragging him into the showers room, ranting about how he wasn't about to catch fleas from his gross Crewmate. He managed to force Happy into the shower stall and get the water turned on. This resulted in Happy biting Mr. Cheese on the paw. While the Gentleman escorted a bleeding, teary Mr. Cheese to medbay, Happy got away scot- and shower-free.

Following the Incident, Hunter tried to figure out what was going on in Happy's head. He subtly followed the green Bean around as he did tasks. He wondered if it was because Happy was an Impostor, but no. Engineer stupidly killed Bro in front of two witnesses and then accidentally outed Mr. Egg as his co-conspirator. The purple Bean's lack of skill as an Impostor ended up clearing Happy of suspicion. If only it could have cleared him of fleas, too. Hunter decided to take matters into his own paws.

He knocked on Happy's door late one night, trying to think of what to say. The door opened with a creak. Happy peeked out.

"Oh hi Hunter," he said. "What's up?"