The Future (Supernatural Fanfiction)

I Want To Know What Love Is (M)

1 Week Later

The jealousy began to consume me even more along with a mix of guilt and anger. I had no right to be angry at Sam, but here I was...angry.

I never out loud expressed my feelings for him, so how could he know? If he did, he probably wouldn't have spent the night with Madison, who was feeling him up, touching parts of him that I have been dying to touch....the thought was too painful for me to think about.

That should've been me, but it wasn't. It wasn't just Sam I was angry at. I was angry at Dean for letting him stay with her and I was angry at myself for not pushing harder for Sam to not stay and for being upset over an innocent woman whom we had to kill.

Dean took note of my behavior. I wounded up spending more time with him and avoided Sam as much as possible. I know that Sam was confused by it, but I couldn't tell him how I felt...not after he had to kill Madison. That would be wrong. I didn't care how jealous I felt. Sam was possibly in a lot of pain and wouldn't want to jump at the opportunity to be with someone else. He would probably go on about how we can't be together because it would make us more vulnerable to the demons or something like that.

_____________________

We were at a restaurant after a case in California lead us to a filming for a horror movie. The tension between myself and Sam was too great. I didn't need to feel how he felt to know he was growing more and more frustrated the more I avoided him. I could tell how upset he was every time I walked away from him or didn't talk to him when we had a moment alone. His eyes were full of hurt.

Dean was also getting fed up, but today was his boiling point. He stood up and grabbed me by the arm, telling me we needed to talk privately outside. Sam gave a look of concern for me but before he could say anything, Dean and I were already outside. I pushed out of his grip.

"What the hell, Dean?? What's your problem??" I snapped.

"What's MY problem? I should be asking you what YOUR problem is!" he snapped back, "One moment you and Sam are spending a good amount of time together and now you're avoiding him at all costs! Sleeping on the hardwood floor when we get a motel instead of sharing a bed which you were PERFECTLY fine with at first, insisting that you and I only talk, avoiding being alone with him...goddamnit, Rose, you're acting like a damn teenager with him ever since we left San Francisco!"

Tears began to stream down my face. "I'm....I'm angry, okay??? I'm angry that you set him up with her, I'm angry he got to be with her, I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to get hurt yet again...and I know I shouldn't feel angry for someone who's not with me, but...here we are."

Dean looked at me with pure frustration. "Well then for God sakes, tell him how you feel! I'm tired of watching you hurt yourself and him! Also, you were the one who told me to never tell him how you felt in the first place! I believe the words were, 'Dean, if you told him I will kill you,' am I remembering that right?"

I looked at him, more tears running down my face. "It's not that simple, Dean," I said for probably the hundredth time, my voice getting shakey, "Sam...he's been through too much and if I tell him that I'm in love with him, it'll just end in disaster and ruin everything!"

I stopped myself before I said too much.

I really just admitted it...

I admitted that I was in love with Sam Winchester, to his own brother, who up until this point, probably thought it was a stupid school girl crush.

Dean was taken off guard by my statement but he quickly composed himself. "Look, he at least deserves to know the truth," he said, "You know that. I mean...for God's sake you're REALLY that dense, huh? Sam's had the hots for you since day one, and you really didn't see that?"