❝Just Like Heaven❞ [English]

❝Yesterdays Mist❞

Sad girl

October 29, 1960

Peter:

My dear love, your distance has had me anxious, but I know that you will soon arrive home.

And I must tell you, I finally know the reason for my discomforts...
We are going to have a baby, we are going to be parents!
You don't know how happy I am right now, and I hope the news excites you as much as it does me.
I already look forward to your return.

Always yours,
Linda.

I folded the pieces of paper as they were, some have already been painted a yellowish colour, I left them in a small wooden box on my father's bed, I sat thinking about the pile of letters.

This morning his mood had not been very good, it was worse than other times, he was so cold, he did not even have breakfast with me, it had never been so grotesque. But, I was used to his rejection, to him coming back so late, and we only said goodnight before sleeping, we are like two strangers sharing the house.

He gave me the money I needed, he did not put any restrictions on what I wanted to do, but he could never grant me a "father-daughter" conversation, except that time in middle school, my green plaid skirt was dyed crimson red, I was panicking thinking it was an artery.

I curled up by the window of his room, tears at the edge of my eyes, I felt pressure on my chest.

He hates me because I killed her.

I sobbed hiding my face between my knees, it was my fault, he would be happy if I wasn't born. He didn't want me around. He didn't want me with him.

I couldn't explain the pressure on my chest, my hands were shaking, I couldn't breathe and my head soon started to hurt. I felt like I was suffocating.

(...)

Angry boy
Robert come down for breakfast.

Robert remove your elbows from the table.

Robert, thank God.

He fell into bed fed up, on those sheets that smelled new but lying on them, it felt like staying in a hotel, where you know that many people have already slept right there and used the blankets, it was a bit uncomfortable. He did not get a good rest.

The lightning and branches falling from the storm did not help much either, now all that was observed through the window was a greyish plane with white clouds descending more and more, wanting to touch the ground. He had intended to go out and explore, but his parents forbade it.

What if he fell into a puddle? He didn't believe that in a town - with apparently nothing around - there could be any dangers. What if he got lost? Much better than staying in that room.

He would take his guitar, and start improvising some chords, but the truck had been delayed by bad weather, nothing would arrive until tomorrow. How eager he had to listen to gregorian choirs, to put his mind in order, and make his headache disappear for once. The aspirin hadn't worked for him for a long time, they just need to relax, but he couldn't.

He took a small notebook and scribbled, he had no inspiration, he only drew random spirals of different sizes and contours, without much encouragement, until he realized that they looked like eyes, he added a small nose guided by an improvised circle in the middle, he made a mouth without any gesture, just staying neutral, he added a fringe and looked at his abstract work.

He imagined that some mythical creature lived among the trees with that aspect, half-human perhaps. He made a small smile at that thought, at his fictional character.

"Robert, I brought you chocolate"

He was startled by the voice of his mother, he got up in a hurry and snapped the booklet closed. The woman gave a pained smile.

"I thought you wanted something hot," she said, putting the cup on the desk, Robert sat up, stretching lazily like a cat. "It's freezing up here, don't you want to go down next to the fire?"

He took a few seconds to answer her, rather than understand her voice, not only did she come to leave him chocolate, there was a double intention and Robert knew it. He looked at her curiously.

"Uh, no" he whispered cautiously, he looked at the cup and then at her.

"You fell asleep last night, and you didn't come down to dinner" He wished it had been that, he couldn't close his eye for just two hours in a row. He tapped his foot impatiently, his mother crossing her arms. "Your father and I think you are upset with us, I know you didn't want to spend the holidays here, but it is a fantastic place, and surely Mar..."

"It's not that" he assured, biting his lip, he didn't know what was going on. Until now, everything was bothering him for no apparent reason "I don't know" he said finally releasing all the air from his lungs.

She approached slowly, combed some strands with her fingers and smiled sweetly at him.

"When will you stop worrying about everything?" she whispered more to herself

"Tomorrow will be better weather, Mr Wallace will show us the way to town, we will buy something there, we'll have fun.

"She took a few seconds thinking about who the hell Mr Wallace was until he remembered the man in the rain boots. He just shrugged and let his mother hug him and kissed him on the forehead and went back to the door.

"The world is not against you darling" she added before leaving.

Robert closed his eyes.

I wish I could feel that way.