The Gift of the Lethe

Knowledge and Panic

Apollo turns back to Pallas, his smile gentle. "Would you like me to explain why your trigger was understandable?"

She nods. "Please."

"A trigger doesn't have to be directly connected to a traumatic event to bring back the memories, it could easily be loosely correlated. If I made a guess, my hair reminded you of the aegis."

After a moment of hesitation, Pallas nods. "I'm sorry."

Apollo frowns. "What are you sorry for? You can't control what triggers you, and you're likely more sensitive today after what happened with my father. You've done nothing wrong, Pallas. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"There's something wrong with me, to be acting like this!"

Apollo looks taken aback by that, but Pallas can't for the life of her figure out why. "Why would you think there is something wrong with you?"

Tears well in Pallas' eyes, a combination of shame, fear, and anger towards herself. "Because what happened, it's over! I should be able to move past it. I'm a warrior, for Styx's sake! Not a child who hasn't experienced the world. So why can't the past leave me alone?!"

Apollo's eyes widen in what she thinks is understanding, but Pallas doesn't know what he has figured out. She certainly doesn't understand what's happening. He moves to sit beside her and leans his head back against the trunk, peering towards the moon that glows through the trees.

"Were you ever told of the medical advancements that have come to pass while you . . . were in the underworld?"

Pallas shakes her head, bewildered in more ways than one. He changed the subject, she thinks. It's the only explanation, as what he is saying now doesn't seem at all connected to what's going on with her.

"You mean with diseases and wounds? Healing those? I was told a bit, but not much. I don't understand where you're going with this though."

Apollo sighs. "Pallas, just as you can need physical healing, so too can a person need mental healing. That's what you need."

She blinks. "When Thene meant healing, she meant it literally?"

"She did."

"How would that even work?"

"There are a variety of different methods, and some work best for different people."

Pallas blinks again, her confusion returning. "How different is it to heal the mind compared to how wounds and illnesses are healed?"

"There are many ways to go about helping heal even one mental illness, and some have more success than others."

"And you think I have one of these . . . mental illnesses?"

"Yes. Something the mortals call PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What you experienced is certainly a traumatic event that could have led to that, and if I would guess, your reactions and flashbacks have been getting worse since you woke up?"

"I- yes. They have been."

"That's common, with this situation. As the events sink into your mind, your understanding, you are more likely to react to things that remind you of them." He pauses. "Your situation with this disorder isn't exactly the same as others, but that's because there has never been an instance of someone remembering the trauma of their own death before."

Pallas shudders, cold sweat beading on her skin. She wraps her arms around herself and whispers, "Don't."

Apollo looks alarmed. "I apologize, I didn't mean to bring it up."

He reaches out to touch Pallas' shoulder, only for her to flinch back, curling around herself. He sighs.

"I think we're done for today, you need to rest and you need a bit of recovery time."

Apollo reaches for Pallas' wrist and she jerks back, uncoiling from her feet and darting for the brook before he can even rise. He gapes at her, blinking hard.

"Yes, I think we're done for now. But as a suggestion, many of my sister's hunters have experienced trauma of their own. Speaking with them on their experiences and healing process may help with your own. I'll suggest it to her, if you and Athena could do the same."

The air around him lightens for a heartbeat as he disappears, leaving Pallas knee-deep in the brook. She drops to her knees, feeling the pebbles of the creekbed beneath her skin, and curls back into a ball. The water around her rises to shield her away, locking her inside a see-through bubble.

But that makes things worse, for looking through the water reminds her of looking through something else, a crystal. That sends fear rising in her chest, a chain reaction that leads to the ground rumbling beneath her feet. Her fear sends the water around her swirling, a flood inside her surging up to drown her.

Pallas shuts her eyes in an attempt to block it out, but nothing she does will help, her chest becoming more and more tight in response to the rising panic. In a last moment of clarity, she squeezes the owl charm beneath numb fingers, wrapping her hand around it and the conch shell charm just beside it.

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Do you think Apollo will be able to help? What will happen if she goes to speak with the hunters like he suggested? What do you think was happening at the end? Tell me your thoughts!

Happy reading and I'll see you next chapter!

~ Goddess of Fate, signing out