stomachaches ; lashton

twelve

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luke cautiously looked at the menu as if the calorie counts were gonna jump out and grab him at any moment. everything on the menu looked too scary for him to eat, nothing was safe and he was panicking. he wanted spaghetti but it was too high in calories for his liking.

"hey, my name's annie, ill be your waiter for tonight, can i start you guys off with some drinks?" a tall, blonde and rather gaunt-looking woman suddenly appeared next to them, sporting a kind smile.

"could i have a water please?" the blonde man asked shyly, trying not to make eye contact with ashton as he knew he'd be a little suspicious about his choice.

"sure, and for you?"

"i'll have the same thing, thank you," a radiant smile graced ashton's face as he spoke but it quickly faded after the woman left.

"water? you normally get tea," he stated.

"i just didn't want it this time."

the older man nodded, "so what are you getting to eat?"

luke took a second to think about what to say, there was nothing on the menu that would make him feel happy with himself afterwards. "spaghetti probably." he might as well get something he'll enjoy, he was gonna feel guilty either way.

"me too, i think, i dont know what else to get, nothing sounds as good as i thought it would earlier. it all is kind of making me nauseous just thinking about it."

"oh. do you think you're getting sick?" luke's eyebrows furrowed as he reached across the table and placed a hand on his boyfriend's.

"i don't know, i guess i've got a slight stomachache," ashton lied, biting his lower lip. "but i think i'll make it."

"here are your drinks, are you ready to order or do you need more time?" the blonde woman--annie--asked.

"we're ready," the younger man stated before proceeding to give her their orders.

as the woman walked away, ashton leaned forward and lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper, a heavily upset frown plastered on his face, "that woman looks like you."

"what, are you kidding? i've never looked that thin," he laughed, shaking his head.

"you've been thinner than her, luke."

"she's like, worryingly thin, like she could collapse at any second. if i knew her personally i'd be worried about her health and safety."

"luke, you were worse than her, believe me, i got a front row seat for it all."

"where are you going with this?"

"i guess i'm just really happy you chose recovery, i'm happy that my soulmate is okay and that he's alive and that he's gonna be able to live to see his wedding day, his kids' first days of school, their graduation days.." the older man wiped his shiny eyes carefully, sniffing quietly. "i know you think it was a bad decision and i know you miss how you used to look but if i lost you to that stupid illness i don't know what i would have done, i couldn't live with myself."

"ash, baby, calm down, you're crying like i'm not here anymore, i'm here, love. i'm alive and i'm here to stay," the blonde gently squeezed the man's hand. suddenly recovery was one hundred percent worth it to luke because he knew how much it meant to his significant other.

~~~

luke watched as his boyfriend seemingly struggled to get even halfway finished with his meal. "ash?"

"mhm?"

"you doing okay?" the blonde glanced down at his own clean plate and then back at ashton's. ashton had always finished eating first so it was strange to luke.

"yeah, umm. my stomachache is kind of getting worse though, i think i overate," the man responded, holding his stomach as if he were in pain.

"why don't you go to the bathroom, ash," the other told him, pointing in the direction of where it was. sheer worry painted his face.

ashton stood up quickly, "yeah, ill be right back," he said, running to the bathroom and locking himself in a stall. his plan had come together almost completely by itself, and a little help from luke. and with that, he knelt down, forcing two fingers down his already raw throat and gagging as quietly as he could until he threw up.

"oh my god, i hate myself," he said, almost in disbelief of himself. "what have i done?"

very sorry for the late update. my mental health has been really bad lately and i needed to focus on me. ty!