Pessimistic [Completed]

18

ALRIGHT Y'ALL, MASSIVE FXCKING TRIGGER WARNING FOR SXXCXDE! LIKE FXCKING MASSIVE BRO. Yes, two chapters in one day, I've been feeling particularly productive :) so enjoy? That's not really the right word for it but whatever. This chapters a bit longer.

Fuck.

Summer was finally over, and the air was finally cooling down.

Of course, this didn't do anything to help Pico, other than an excuse to wear longer clothes, if that was even help.

He had to spend his time in the closet, with Nene constantly popping in to check on him.

Consequentially, he'd been giving a lot more time to thought.

I'm just taking up space.

In the grand scheme of things, do I even matter?

Why am I even here?

There's honestly no point, is there?

I'm a horrible person.

I deserve pain. I deserve to die.

An idea struck him like a knife.

The mere thought of it made his legs weak.

He didn't know how though. Unless...

He picked up a shoe and started unthreading the lace.

One wouldn't be long enough, he'd have to tie the other one on.

He learned this knot when he was in boy scouts.

One big loop, then a smaller one, wrap it around, through the loop, and pull.

He held it up and stared at it.

It looked right, as far as he knew.

He loosened it a little bit.

Not yet though.

Soon, but not yet.

He set it down and opened the door, squinting. He'd forgotten he'd opened the window.

He couldn't have the blinds open though.

He closed them, turning on the light instead.

Why was he shaking so much? He was finally doing something good. He'd stop leeching off of his friends.

Nene.

He needed to say goodbye. How hadn't he thought of that?

He went downstairs, his legs jittering. Was he scared? He shouldnt be. He didn't think he was, at least.

His socks led his foot astray, and he tumbled face first down the stairs.

He lay there for a moment, not wanting to get up. Why couldn't that have killed me? He thought.

He got up and went to the living room. Everyone else was talking, and he couldn't help but feel jealous. Of course, it's not like he deserved it, but he still wanted it.

He couldn't get his mouth to work for him. He couldn't say anything.

"Pico, it's nice to see you out of your room for once." Nene gave a worried smile. "You okay?"

He wanted to tell her the truth. The honest truth, which would be no, but he couldn't. "Fell down the stairs, but I'm fine. I'm just... I'm sorry. I've been an asshole. I know sorry doesn't fix anything, but I'm going to fix it." If you could call it fixing.