When no one believes, believe in yourself.

Chap 14

Next few months went by without any major incidents and problems, due to his, his therapist and lxc’s constant support and efforts.
Wanyin had some setbacks in his recovery, a few panic attacks here and there, nightmares were still there but whenever he slept with xichen, he got peaceful sleep, his nightmares at bay. So they decided to sleep together. Wanyin didn't collapse again due to the lack of sleep. But he was still afraid of people coming too close to him.

It’s been 3 months since summer break ended and their next semester is coming to an end in a month. Lxc decided to let his friends meet ywy during the semester break, upon their insistence. As when lxc first told them he’s already in a relationship they didn’t believe him and were still skeptical even after 3 months. so,they decided to test his boyfriend upon meeting him, if he’s genuine or lxc just asked someone to be his date for a day so his friends don't bug him to date someone. 

After finals, lxc’s friends nie mingjue and his partner jin guangyao invited their friends for dinner and movies. Lxc brought ywy with him as he promised his friends. Lwj was also invited because he was nhs’s friend. Also their friends Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen were present.

During the dinner everything was fine, nmj liked lxc’s boyfriend. When they were moving to the lounge, nhs ws setting up the movie, ywy who was near lxc the entire time earlier was a few steps behind him. Nmj placed a hand on ywy’s shoulder to talk to him, so he could know him more,as he knew lxc was too kind and he wanted to know if this kid deserved his friend or not. But he didn’t consider ywy’s reaction could be this. 

Ywy was a few steps behind his huan-ge, when he suddenly felt someone grabbing him from his shoulder, he froze in his place mid step and suddenly a body bumped into him. He couldn't understand what was going on, the only thing he knew was that he had to get away, so he did. He bit the hand of the person and pushed whoever bumped into him and ran looking for a safe place, a door, he saw a door, opened it, a bathroom, great it has only one door, no one can come inside, he locked the door behind him and sat down beside it.

Outside everyone was shocked by the scream they heard from ywy, nmj was on the floor. Lxc ran after ywy, he heard loud noises from inside, lwj asked nmj to bring the keys and lxc tried to coax ywy so he’ll open the door.

Lxc: “wanyin, open the door.” please wanyin. “It's me lan xichen.” “Wanyin, my love please open the door. huan ge is here. You are safe.” “I'm here wanyin please, open the door, you are safe, i’ll keep you safe. Please, love, open the door.”

But lxc only heard cries from inside. ywy was deep in his panic, he was scratching his hands and his body, he wanted to clean himself, he felt so dirty, his cries got louder and louder.

When lxc opened the door, everyone was horrified upon seeing ywy sitting in a corner, wailing and scratching his already bleeding chest. He scratched his wounds until they bled.
Lxc told everyone to stay outside, held his hands up showing his palms, and told him “wanyin, look at me please, look, i’m here, you are safe. Wanyin , huan-ge is coming towards you, ok? Don't be scared. Huan-ge will protect you.” After coaxing and slowly approaching ywy lxc hugged ywy, who resisted him first but upon smelling a familiar scent of lxc he came out of his head a little bit. He buried himself into lxc’s embrace and fainted promptly.

Lxc picked him up and immediately took him to the hospital, so his therapist can check on him and bandage his wounds. Ywy was on sedatives when lxc took ywy home upon dr’s permission because waking up in an unfamiliar place can trigger wanyin’s attack again. Lxc got a call from lwj asking about his whereabouts which he told. When lwj came he also brought all the friends which were present in the party. As they insisted. 

When they all entered they saw the door of lxc’s room open. Ywy was sleeping in lxc’s room, who was sitting by him, holding his hand.

Lxc upon seeing his friends sighed, kissed wanyin’s head and left the room, closing the door behind him. He knew his friends were probably confused, and an explanation is what they deserve.

jgy: how is he?

Lxc: *smiling slightly* He's fine now. Just sleeping.

Nmj: *frowning confused* xichen what was that about? 

Lxc: it's nothing da-ge. He was just scared.

Nmj: what do you mean? Why was he scared? I didn’t do anything to him. I just wanted to talk.

Lxc: *wince* It's not like that da-ge.

Nmj: tell us the truth xichen. What happened and why? Because no matter how I think, I don't understand.

Lxc: *sigh* ok i’ll tell you, let me bring some tea, because i need it.

After getting tea ready for everyone and grabbing some snacks, made by wanyin, lxc sat on the couch with wangji, who squeezed his shoulder in show of his support. 

Lxc: da-ge you must have touched wanyin, that’s why he reacted like that.

Nmj: what the fuck? Why-

Lxc: da-ge please. Let me finish.

Nmj gave him a scowl and nodded, clearly wanting to say more, but understanding his friend must have something more important to tell. Lxc gave a small smile.

Lxc: wanyin- a-yin’s past is painful. He doesn’t do good with people he doesn’t know. He was assaulted *gasps were heard* and due to that he have ptsd, he is having therapy, and much better but it’s still a long way to go, and that was the reason i didn’t wanted him to meet you all, as i thought he’ll be scared but he told me he can handle and he really was, i’m so proud of him, but physical contact with anyone is not something he can handle. Even he was afraid of wangji in the start, but now they are friends somehow, they maintain a distance between them, as long as wanyin feels safe, he doesn’t get panic attacks. In fact, it’s the first major one I saw. 

Nmj: what? But I saw you both touching, I thought he was a touchy person. 

Lxc: he trusts me somehow, i don’t know how i got so lucky, but he does. And he was seeking comfort, of knowing that I was present with him.

Sl: but he’s so young. How? 

Lxc: he was 15. He was too young and vulnerable to protect himself. 

Everyone was silently thinking what it all entails. And feeling rage and hurt for wanyin’s sake.

Xxc: and how is he now? 

Jgy: will this affect his recovery?

Lxc: a few of his wounds were opened, which should be all healed in all those years, but i think this is what he meant when he said his nightmares can get messy. A-yao, ptsd is not curable. He was on the way to recovery, it’s a setback but believe me when I say that he’s the strongest person I have ever met, and he’ll never give up. He’ll try again, and I'll help him. All I want is for him to live his best life, his therapist and I will make sure of it. 

Nmj: we will help too.

Jgy: yes er-ge. We’ll try to help however we can. You are our friend and he’s your boyfriend so he’s our friend too.

Xxc: and friends help and care for each other.

Sl: they are right.

Lwj: mn, brother.

Lxc: *smile* Thank you all of you. He’ll warm up to you, he just needs time.

Jgy: Which he’ll get.