When no one believes, believe in yourself.

Chap 18

Yzy was crying when suddenly they heard a scream "HUAN-GE!!!" they all run inside and lxc hugs wanyin soothing him and telling him he's here. And he's safe. Wanyin gets his sense back slowly and sees his mother standing near the door crying.

Ywy: *gasp* a-niang? Is that you?

Yzy: *moves toward immediately* yes my baby boy it's me.

Lxc frees wanyin from his embrace and empties the space on wanyin's bed for Yzy. Yzy sits and Ywy throws himself in his mother's arms and starts crying.

Ywy: mama are you really here? You won't go when I wake up right?

Yzy: *aching heart* no my son. I won't go anywhere. Look you are awake. *pinches ywy's cheek lovingly*

Ywy: *giggles* OK. Please don't go. I'm scared. I don't want to be alone again.

Yzy: yes my son I'm here. I won't leave you alone.

Ywy: bu-but a-die? He said I'm not welcomed he'll take you away from me again. I don't want to see him or wwx. He'll hand me over to wwx again. I-i don't want him to touch me please a-niang I Don't want him near me.

Yzy: *stills, holds Ywy from his shoulders, looking in his eyes* what do you mean, he'll hand you over to wwx? What did they both do?

Ywy: *whimpers, lxc comes and hugs him*

Yzy: a-yin baby I'm not mad at you. Tell me what you were trying to say. Hmm?

Ywy: *sobbing* he-wwx used to touch me and he used to climb in my bed at night. He used to hump me when I was sleeping and pinch me or touch me inappropriately. I asked dad to separate our rooms a few times but wwx didn't let him. I- I - that night, when-I was sleeping when wwx climbed into my bed again. He removed my trousers and tried to-tried to r-rape me. I screamed. You were not at home. And dad came but wwx told him I jumped him. So he kicked me out of the house saying he doesn't want a rapist in his house. *full on crying*. Mama I'm not *hiccup* I'm not a rapist, a-niang. I'm a victim of the crime. Maybe I should have let wwx do that to me, and pretend to be asleep, then maybe it didn't happen to me. Mama you know, I was- I was *crying*

Yzy: shh my son I'm here now. You did good. You did a great job. You are not a rapist. I know. I'll kill both of them if they accuse you of anything ever again.
Ywy: a-niang I was a victim of that crime.
Yzy: You don't have to talk about it my son. Your boyfriend told me enough.
Ywy: *crying* but he doesn't know it fully. And I'm - I want-I'm tired of carrying this burden alone. Mama I want to share with you. Both of you.

Lqr: *clears his throat* I'll go prepare something for you to eat.

Ywy: uncle. You can stay. I- I consider you my uncle too. You are like a father to huan-ge. And me too.

Lqr: ok, if you want me here a-yin, then I'll stay. I just didn't want to make you feel pressurized.

Ywy: no uncle. You are family too.

Lxc: *happy* kisses ywy's head.

Yzy: Tell me son, where were you all this time? Why didn't you contact me?

Ywy: *sigh* It's a long story.
Yzy: I have all the time in the world for my son.

Ywy: *tears running down his face* a-niang! When jfm threw me out of the house I spent the night in front of the gates. I kept knocking but no one opened the door. Next morning he didn't let me in and told me to never return and pushed me out of the house again.

Yzy: that fucker-
Ywy: a-niang let me finish or I won't find the courage again.

Yzy: ok son continue.

Ywy: then I kept walking. I didn't know where to go. I didn't have any money or phone. I tried to call you and A-jie from someone else's phone but no one picked up. So I thought I'll go to Lanling, to a-jie's hostel. But to go there I needed money. When I was walking it turned to night and I was near a church which was giving free food, I was very hungry so I took the food. From there I found out about a construction site, they needed labor. So I went there and worked there overtime for a few weeks to save enough money to reach lanling and have money to stay somewhere safe for a few days if I don't find a-jie. It was my last day at the site, I used to sleep at the park nearby, I was hungry so I decided to go to the convenience store two blocks away. When I was going there 4 guys stopped my path and when I tried to run they caught me. I gave them money too but they were not satisfied, when I tried to run away again they hit my head on the road. Then they took me somewhere, *hiccuping* I was there for 2 days and 3 nights I guess. I don't remember it fully. They tortured me and had s-sex *breath hitching* with me. All of them. I blacked out again and again and whenever I woke up  every time they were there. They didn't stop. I begged them. But they wouldn't listen. When I resist they beat me up again. And do it harder. I don't-I don't know when I last lost consciousness, when I woke up I was near a dumpster, then I don't know how, someone found me and took me to the hospital. When I woke up I called dad but he did not listen to me and said I was dead for him. For all of you. So, I really died. I was already dead so I didn't contact any of you. And I didn't want to live. I tried to take my own life many times but the couple who saved me didn't let me die. Then I took admission in a local high school and got my HS diploma. I applied to different universities for scholarships but before I got admission, the couple died in a car accident and their son who didn't like me and thought I wanted to take over their restaurant kicked me out. I got a call from Gusu University so I packed my things and came here. My ptsd and insomnia was getting worse with time, but somehow lxc found me and didn't leave me alone as I wanted. My mental issues were hindering my job in the Cafe and studies at uni so I seeked a psychiatrist, which huan-ge found out. And I remembered him from when I met him at a party you took me with, he was always kind to me, so I think that's why I trusted him a little bit from the start and he never gave me any reason to doubt him. So when he asked me out I somehow said yes. I still don't know why.

Lxc: *snort* you rejected me at first.

Ywy: but I said yes in the end.

Lxc: that you did. *smile*

Ywy: it's been almost 2 years now that we are together. Mom, you are not mad at me right?

Yzy: why would I be mad at my son?

Ywy: that-that I'm gay.

Yzy: no son. I won't begrudge you your happiness. If you are happy with lxc then I'll accept your relationship. And I can see how much he loves you. As long as he doesn't hurt you, I'll let him live.

Lxc: *gasp* Is that a threat or blessing for our relationship?

Yzy: both.
Ywy: *giggles* a-niang don't threaten him, please. He is very nice to me. *hugging his mother*

Yzy: *smiling and nodding slightly at lxc* as you wish my son.

Lqr: a-yin, son you can come to me if xichen ever annoys you, I'll pull his ears for you. And you don't have to worry about anything jfm or wwx can't come near you. I won't let them near you. You are a strong kid and I am glad you both are together and xichen can help you. But don't think it's only him who is helping you. You are also helping him by loving him. I can see him more free and more himself. He was always trying, always hiding his desires and wishes, I never saw him happy and content with his life but now I can see how much change you brought in him. He is more happy. And I like this change.

Ywy: thank you uncle.
Lqr: ok i’ll go and prepare dinner. Xichen come, help me.