Wings

Before 'The Fall'

        Life was kind of a blur before 'The Fall'; my family was happy, I was something along the lines of happy, everything was as it should be. At least thats how it appeared. Deep inside the 'belly of the beast' a storm was brewing, and it was coming to wipe our existance.

        At least it was supposed to. Sometimes I wonder if I really do exist, if God is real, if life is real. The only thing I know is real is death, but where we go after that, and what we do before that, I dont know; and im afraid of what I dont know.

         I dont know how, but I dont feel much... And as an angel, its my duty to feel, to know how to handle things; but I dont feel that way about anyone, or anything, not anymore. 'The Fall' seems to be the most real thing I've ever felt. I hate to think its because I lost everything I took for granted, my life, my family, my home; all gone.

        Can I feel you touch my arm? Yeah, or course. Im just numb inside, and that scares me. Im what a mortal psycologist would call a psycopath I think. Im really good at faking feelings, and I mean really good. Did I love my family? Yes. Did I love Austin? Yes. And yes, I did feel. I cant exactly explain it, maybe if you experience the same feeling you'll have an 'ah ha' moment, or whatever its called.

        But I dont expect most people to understand me at all; especially when I dont even understand myself. That may be why I hate people in general, so much; because they cant help me. I shouldnt think that way, cause as I said before, I dont even know how to help myself; but I do.

        So maybe I do feel some things... But the things I feel, leave me with more questions then answers; and thats just not fair.

        Why do I feel so empty? Why do I hate people? Why do I hate myself? Is life really just one massive fuck you? Will I ever understand the answers to any of my questions?

I dont know, maybe we'll all find out one day; or then again, maybe not.