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Part I - L.T.

It's one of those days where everything is just wrong.

I woke up this morning, alone in the bed, and way too early. I poured myself a cup of tea, but of course there was no more milk, so I drank black tea (which is absolutely disgusting). Then, I got a text from Liam, telling me to get to the studio in twenty minutes, so I just grabbed a banana instead of a proper breakfast. And of course, the second I walked out the door, it started raining. Fuck London and its permanently gloomy weather.

* * *

"Louis, focus please," Paul says for the millionth time. "We really need to get some recording done today. Let's take it back to the beginning of that chorus."

He's trying to be patient with me, and I feel bad because I know I've been a bit out of it these past few weeks. I clear my throat and adjust the mic as the music starts.

"Won't you stay till the A.M.?

All my favourite conversations

Always made in the A.M.

'Cause we don't know what we're saying

We're just swimming 'round in our glasses

And talking out of our asses

Like we're all gonna make it

Yeah, yeah"

I can't help but look at Harry when I sing. He catches my eye and looks away. I expected it, of course, but it still hurts.

Separated, I remind myself, But not broken up.

Not yet.

And now he's leaning down to pick up his water bottle, giving me a great view of his bum. His gorgeous curls fall down his shoulders, and I just want to run my fingers through them and kiss him all over his angelic face. I love him so much it hurts, and I know he loves me too, which just makes this "break" even more excruciating.

After wrapping up at the studio, we all head back to our rooms, and a part of me dares to hope that Harry will come to mine.

He doesn't, of course, doesn't even say goodbye, barely looks my way at all. I roll my eyes and collapse onto my bed. I get that he wants space and all, but he doesn't have to act like I don't even fucking exist.

After a few minutes just lying there and staring at the ceiling, I decide that it's been long enough. I gave him three weeks. It's time we talked and figured things out.

I walk up to his room and knock, hoping he won't just slam the door in my face. When he sees me, he looks like he wants to do just that, but he's too nice. Instead, he smiles awkwardly and raises his eyebrows, which clearly means why the fuck are you here?

I decide to get straight to the point. "Are we over, Harry?"

He looks surprised. "What do you mean?"

I sigh. "Can I come in?"

He nods and opens the door wider to let me in. I awkwardly sit down on the edge of his bed and wait for him to get settled.

We sit in silence for a few seconds while I try to figure out where to start.

"Look," I say, finally, "You said you needed space. You said you needed time to figure things out. I didn't understand why, but I still respected your wishes. I gave you three weeks, Harry. For three fucking weeks, I didn't say a thing. I don't know how much longer you want, but those were the three longest weeks of my life. Do you know how much it sucks to be completely ignored, especially by someone you really love? I hate to be that guy and I don't ever want to make you feel like you have to do something, but I can't keep doing this. I'm going to need you to tell me exactly how much longer you plan on ignoring me."

He looks like he's on the verge of tears, and that makes me want to cry, because I love him, and I hate it when he's sad.

"Lou, I..." he seems at a loss for words. "I don't know what to tell you. I have no fucking clue what to do, and you keep saying that it'll be okay, that we'll figure it out together, but I just can't do this. I can't keep up this whole act. I love you too much for that. You know that I would drop everything to be with you if it weren't for the boys. I can't jeopardize their careers for our love. I just...I can't do this, Louis."

I just sit there in shock. "So that's it then? We're done?"

He looks down but I can still see the tears. He just nods and turns away.

I manage to keep it together until I get back to my room, but the second I close the door, the dam breaks. I just lie in bed and sob like a fucking baby for what feels like several hours.

When Liam knocks on my door to tell me that we're going out for dinner, a part of me wants to ignore him and go to sleep. Instead, I mutter, "Come in," and bury myself further under the covers.

"Why are you sleeping in the middle of the day, Lou? Come on, get up and get dressed, we-" He stops talking when he sees my face.

"Louis? Are you okay?"

And that makes me want to cry all over again.

"Do I look like I'm fucking okay?" I snap.

He sits down and wraps his arms around me. "What's wrong, mate?"

I bury my face in his chest and mumble, "Harry dumped me."

He pulls back. "What?!"

"Yeah, he said he couldn't keep this up, that he loved me too much or some shit."

"That's insane! What does that even mean?"

"Dunno, but someone should probably go check on him."

"Tell you what. I'll let Paul know that we're not coming to dinner, and I'll explain the situation to Niall so he can go check on Haz. I'll order pizza and you and me can just watch Grease in bed, yeah?"

I smile through the tears and rest my head on his shoulder. "You're the best, Payno."