Can I love you?

First Break

The next day I get to school, meeting Emma in front of the door. She smiled at me as she saw me and I smiled back at her. "Hey how are you" I ask and pulled she into a hug.  "Good and you" she ask and hugs me back. "I'm sorry y/n but I have to ask you what" she say and fumbling around on her fingers. She look a bit nervous and I take her hands in mine, making she look back at me. "What is, why are you so nervous?" I ask and smiled soft at her. 

She open her mouth to say something but get interrupt at the clock from the school, who ring that our lesson start in 5 minutes. "What?" I ask again. "I- II say it later. C'mon we have to go now" she act a bit weird today. Not really wanting to say me what is. We both go inside of the building and walking to our lessons. On my ways, I look at the plan and see tat my first lesson changed and I now have Billie there. What a coincidence I think and rolled my eyes a bit, not wanting really to see she now. It's so difficult between us. I know it can be easy to not see she when she is one of my teacher but it always remember me at everything that happen. I make my way to my room, sitting down in the last row, not looking at her as I get inside. I felt her eyes on me as I made my way toward my place, unpacking my things from my bag and lay them on my desk. I didn't really give the lesson attention, writing some stuff on my paper. Sometimes I looked up at the blackboard and see she looking at me, but then I quickly looking away, back on my paper with some drawings on it. The bell ring for the break and I pack my things back in ma bag and looked at my phone with a message from Emma that she is waiting for me outside of the room. I smiled slight at the message and packing my things together, wanting to leave the room, before Billie called me toward her. I sign as she said that she short want to speak with me but it don't help, I have to do it. I grab my bag and stand in front of her, wanting to know what she want. "Are you fine" she ask me, and look at me. "You ask me if I'm fine, are you serious ?", "I just want to know how you are". "I said you what I think. What do you think now? that it can be so like before?" I whisper/ yell at her. "I'm just worried" she say and grip my arm soft, making me looking into her brown eyes. We stand there in silence, looking at each other for a moment before a familiar voice broke us away. "Hey y/n are you coming?" Emma ask and enter the room. Billies hand get away from my arm and she cleared her throat. "Yes" I say. "Good bye Miss Howard" I harsh say and walk toward Emma, laying my arm around her waist, bringing she closer toward me, walking out of her room. I turn my head a bit to the side, seeing Billie looking at us both as we walk out. We both walk a while before we stopped in the empty hall. "What do you want to say now?", "I wanted to ask you what we are, you know that all are a bit confusing for me and yes" she stutter and fumbling again on her fingers. I froze a bit at her question, asking me the same. It was not clear what we are, like it was not clear what Billie and I was. I liked she but I know she wouldn't like me the same way I do. And I know it and that broke me my heart more and more. And that she try to find a way back to me, knowing what I think about it make it more hurtful for me. She can't change it and me also. It is to difficult for the both of us and why should she care about me now. It is to late and she know it. I saw Billie walking down the hallway toward us. I don't know if she noticed us standing there or not. "You know, I like you and-" I cup her cheeks and kissed she. First she froze but after some seconds she kissed me back and placed her hand on my neck, bringing me closer. Her tongue slide over my bottom lip for entranced and I let she in. Our tongues moved together and she pressed me against the wall behind me. Suddenly we hear someone clearing her throat next to us, breaking apart from each other. We both turn our head to the side and see Miss Howard standing there, looking at us. I wipe the saliva away from the back of my hand, still looking at her. "You both know that in the break you have to go out, and now is break" she say harsh at us. "We are sorry Miss Howard" Emma say and take my hand and we both go out of the building out to the court. I turn my head to her, seeing she standing there, looking at me with something in her eyes. I don't know if it pain or so but I didn't care right now. As we both was outside, I drag she to a corner and kissed she again. 

"Okay I didn't expect that" a other voice breaking us apart, but this time it was Lisa. "Fuck Lisa you scared me" I say and look at her. "And you don't tell me everything" she say looking at us both. "I was not sure", "you know you can always talk to me. Is she the reason you broke up with Nick?".  "No not so I meet she later", "someone other I don't know?","you don't know she, but it was nothing serious" . I can't say her that it was our English teacher and that it was nothing serious is not a liar. "Mhm no matter but next time tell me", "I was afraid, I guess", "what that I hate you?" she laugh and add:"listen I am not homophobic, so keep going or what ever, but don't forgot that we still have school" she say and walk away, still laughing. "I'm sorry" I say between laughs and wipe my hair out of my face. 

"So do you have time after school" , "no I don't. I'm sorry I  have to pick up my half sister and my mother need my help", "don't be sorry, It's okay, but we see us in the other break?", "of course" I say and give her a kiss as we hear the bell ring for the next lesson.