Once in a Lifetime

Two.

In early October, Zayn found himself trudging through the leaves on the way back to the house. He had just been to a 9am lecture and couldn't wait to block out the world around him. He looked up at the bare trees, their orange, brown and red leaves littering the pavement, crunching softly under his feet. He thought about his parents back at home and how they were probably both at work, oblivious to the pain their son was in. His body slumped as he walked, and before he knew it, he was making his way up the steps, opening the front door to the house. He was greeted with Niall's soft guitar strumming throughout the living room, Liam's cooking wafting through the air from the kitchen, and Louis' constant complaining coming from his bedroom. This was a normal scene for the boys, and one that Zayn walked into pretty much every week when he had an early lecture. When he shut the door, he walked upstairs to Louis' room, raising his eyebrow as Louis sat cross-legged on his bed, tapping his pen against his lip as he stared intently at the textbook in his lap.

"God, I hate exams," Louis mumbled, looking up to see Zayn in his doorway. "Hey, how was your thing?" Louis asked, closing his textbook and pushing it away from him. Zayn shrugged, sitting on the bed next to Louis and opening his arms, inviting him in for a hug.

"It was alright, can't exactly remember what was said but I don't really care. Is Lou-Lou stressing?" Zayn smirked, their bodies attaching as Louis rested his chin on Zayn's shoulder.

"You said you wouldn't call me that anymore," he pouted, elbowing Zayn's side in retaliation. "But yeah, I have my exam this afternoon and I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about today." Zayn pulled back slightly, placing his finger under Louis' chin to make him lift his head and look at him.

"You know you're going to smash it. You're Louis Tomlinson, you've got this," Zayn said, forcing a smile to form on his lips. "You've been working so hard for this, I know you can do it, I believe in you." Louis smiled, nodding his head just as Liam called the boys for lunch. They walked to the kitchen together, Zayn not once removing his arm from around Louis' shoulders. They sat at the small table in the corner, the smell of Liam's chicken pasta filling their noses.

"Li, is it your practical today?" Niall asked, shovelling the pasta into his mouth, not caring that he looked silly. Louis couldn't help but laugh at the blonde in front of him.

"Yes, Ni, as I've told you every day for about a week," Liam answered, rolling his eyes towards Niall.

"Alright, keep your hair on," Niall smiled, ruffling Liam's hair in the process. "Louis, stop laughing at me, you idiot!"

"Stop being so stupid then, you literally look like you haven't eaten in days!" Louis said, pointing towards Niall's full mouth as evidence.

"Don't pretend you don't love it," Niall laughed, poking his tongue out once he had swallowed. Louis rolled his eyes, blowing Niall a little kiss and continuing to eat. They talked about his upcoming exam, where Niall's next gig was, and what Liam was doing that afternoon. Zayn found himself listening to what they were saying, but not having it in him to join in. He was picking at his food, not really bothering to eat it. He just wanted the constant thoughts in his head to stop. He knew he didn't have to eat. He knew eating wouldn't make any difference. He knew what was going to happen that afternoon, after all. Because of that, he decided to pull himself together and actually talk to his friends.

"So, Liam, are you looking forward to this afternoon?" he asked, his voice wavering as Liam smiled over at him, passion evident in his expression.

"Yeah, definitely, I'm making the honey garlic salmon dish I tried on the boys a few weeks ago but I don't think you were here for it, actually. Maybe I could make it for you sometime?" He sounded so genuine that Zayn had to take a breath before he replied.

"Sounds great, mate, but you really don't have to do that. Good luck this afternoon, yeah? What time is it?" He tried to ignore the slight frown on Liam's face. He had been turning down his cooking quite a lot recently, and he could only imagine how disappointed he was in him.

"Oh, alright, well we'll see, okay? Thanks, I have to be there by 1pm and should be back by 4pm." Zayn forced out a smile and turned his attention to Niall.

"I take it you have rehearsals?" Niall nodded, scraping his cutlery against his almost empty plate.

"Yeah, I have a gig on Friday, and I have my exam next week so I have to get in all the practice I can," he answered, "are you coming this week?" Zayn felt a lump form in his throat as Niall asked that question. He had avoided Niall's gigs for a while now, and if he did turn up it would only be for one or two songs then he'd make an excuse to leave. He just hated being surrounded by so many people, and he couldn't pretend to be happy and relaxed for the duration of his performance.

"Uh, maybe, I don't know yet, depends on a few things," he answered, looking down at the salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the table. "I'm sure you'll be amazing though," he continued, looking up to force another smile in Niall's direction. Once they'd all finished eating, they each retreated back into their rooms to get ready for the afternoon. Zayn laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he allowed the destructive thoughts to flood his mind. Twenty minutes later, Louis popped his head in, looking curiously over at his best friend.

"Can I just ask, are you alright? Your mum called me this morning to ask about you as they haven't heard from you in a while... Apparently, you're ignoring their calls or something? She sounded concerned, Z, maybe give her a ring?" Zayn nodded, brushing it off as not having enough time and stood up to follow Louis downstairs where Niall and Liam were bickering about something pointless. For the first time in weeks, a genuine smile crept onto his face when Louis flicked them both around the head and told them to get in the car before they were late. Seeing his friends happy made him question his decision, but only for a split second. He knew what he had to do. He hugged Niall and Liam, telling them he loved them before they left, and watched as they ran towards Louis' car, fighting about who was going to sit in the front. "Sometimes it's like having children," Louis laughed, still standing next to Zayn in the doorway.

"I hope your children end up nothing like those idiots," Zayn replied, leaning against the frame.

"Uncle Zayn would make sure they ended up just like them," Louis added, nudging Zayn with his hip. Zayn didn't know what to say. Instead, he just faked a smile and turned his body to face Louis.

"Anyway, good luck with your exam, you've got this. I love you," he whispered, pulling Louis in for the tightest hug of his life.

"Don't get sappy on me, Malik, but I love you too," he replied, pulling away and smiling as he walked towards his car that was currently rocking as Liam and Niall tried to hit each other inside. Zayn watched as they all wound their windows down, screaming a 'we love you Zayn, see you later!' in unison. He felt a tear fall down his cheek as he walked back into the empty house, the silence sending shivers down his spine. He sat on the sofa, tapping on his mum's name, and waiting for her to pick up.

"Zayn, darling, how are you?" she asked as soon as she answered, her voice making Zayn's head spin.

"Yeah, fine, sorry. I just wanted to tell you I love you and I'm grateful for everything," he said, closing his eyes to stop the tears.

"I'm your mum, I'll always do everything I can for you, what's brought this on?" she questioned, concern lacing every word.

"No, nothing, just wanted to make sure youknew." They had a short conversation before she had to get back to work, andthey hung up as if nothing were wrong. It was the same with his dad, and Zaynfound himself crying in his room when he thought about what this would do tohis parents. But he knew he couldn't back down now. This was his only way out.His only escape. The only way he could ever truly be happy again. He took onelast look around the house, his tears filling his eyes as he wrote little notesfor the boys, using the magnets to stick them to the cluttered fridge door. Hemade his way back to his room, saying a prayer and doing what needed to be doneso that he could close his eyes one final time.