Chrysanthemum Garden [Dazai x Reader] ✓

28. Born from sin

'You... you actually shot Dazai...'

I pushed myself up from Dazai's lifeless body and adjusted my eye-patch to my face, heaving out a breath as my trembling hands pushed the cartridge of the revolver out to confirm the deed:

The bullet is gone.

You actually shot him, [Y/N]. You're demented...

The fabric of my shirt was forced back and my body was threateningly pulled closer to meet with the face of an enraged Atsushi; his fists possessed large white claws, these that began digging deep into my skin under the clothes, and his untamed breath purred against my face exasperatedly.

'How could you!?' he roared at me, his eyes predominantly glistening in a vivid yellow as black lines framed his cheeks and the skin grew paler. 'Dazai did everything for you –'

'Get a grip, Atsushi –'

'Get a grip?! Get a grip?!' he repeated sceptically, raising his voice with every new syllable. 'No, no, no! This has to be a joke!' – He let my collar free and took a few steps back, holding his great paws to his head. 'This is all a mirage, isn't it? It's – Come out, Tanizaki!' he yelled to the silence, darting his eyes around the room as though encouraging a shy pet to reveal itself. 'Tanizaki, this is enough! The show's over! I know you're somewhere out there! This isn't funny anymore!'

Atsushi paced anxiously up and down the room, lifting every piece of furniture in his search for "Tanizaki".

You br̸̋̚o̷͒̓k̵͗̀ė̴̇ him, [Y/N]... You've even managed to surprise m̷͖̯̂̿̊̈͐͌ẻ̸̈̋̍͘...

Mother watched the desperate albino and pursed her lips disapprovingly, turning to look back at me as the boy continued rummaging under the furniture and through empty cupboards for "Tanizaki".

I caught Atsushi by the back of his collar when he dashed for a shelf behind me and set him down to look him in the eyes; they shone a melancholic violet, tears forming but failing to descend his cheeks.

I'm so sorry, Atsushi...

'Listen to me very carefully,' I began, watching a reluctant trail of tears run from the corners of his eyes while I kneeled to his height. 'I want you to take Dazai back to the Agency, can you do that?' – He didn't reply. 'It's going to hurt for a little bit, but you'll get over it, okay?'

That's how grief works... Mourning stems from the acceptance of someone's death, but one will never be free from this endless cycle of torture unless we neglect our denial.

Let it go, Atsushi. Please... it's for your own good...

'Remember how you told me Dazai saved you?' – He nodded and wiped his tears away with the fur on his wrists. 'Now it's your turn to save him.'

'You can't save a dead man! That's not how it works! You – Dazai is –'

I placed my hand over the back of his neck and brought his head to my shoulder in a sympathetic embrace, sensing him relaxing and sob against my shoulder quietly while I took him in my arms. 'Dazai's still worth saving, dead or alive,' I whispered into his ear softly, massaging the fur on his nape away. 'Besides, you can always save corpses from fires, can't you?'

'Don't –'

I pushed Atsushi back and urged him to leave as soon as possible, requesting that he left behind the blood-stained beige coat the brunet had resting limply on his lap.

He threw the older male's arms over his shoulders and carried him on his back out of the room, giving me one last glance before Mother shut the door behind him with a single thump.