Chrysanthemum Garden [Dazai x Reader] ✓

36. Tower of pebbles

'What happens when we die?'

Dazai approached the railing beside me and looked down at the traffic below us; his exposed palms pressed against the cold metal before his slender fingers curled around it.

He looked towards me as I shivered under the bitter wind's touch, and took it upon himself to wrap his arm around me to bring me into the warmth of his coat, draping the beige sleeve over my shoulder while caging me in his embrace.

'What sort of knowledge can a suicidal man provide you with regarding that topic, [Y/N]?'

'Anything will do, Osamu,' I replied quietly, loosening my muscle tension as my ear picked up his pulsing heart and my palms sat comfortably over his hips.

'Very well,' he sighed after a slight pause, leaning down to peck the skin of my forehead before resting his hand on the back of my head to hold me closer to his chest;

It's believed that the souls of the deceased must cross the Sanzu River, Dazai said, to be granted entry into the afterlife; traditionally so, there are three ways in which they are allowed to enter it:

Good people will meet a bridge in their journey. They are loved for they have loved, and have seldom lied (if they did, they did it with good intention – like a birthday surprise perhaps), and certainly, they have never hurt others nor sought revenge.

It's impossible to be good in this world of survival. Survival of the fittest labels good people as weaklings worth getting rid of.

A shallow path accompanies the river, where those who have led "ordinary lives" are granted the opportunity to avoid the wicked waters of the Sanzu River. Ordinary people have lived in harmony with their daily tasks and submitted themselves to the expectations of class society, losing their identities in the process while sometimes (regretfully so) seeking emotional discharge in those seen as "inferior".

Being ordinary is a norm in this meritocratic world. Ordinary people are those who successfully survive in this game we call living.

Conscious sinners – bad people – must cross the waters of the river by foot, where Datsue-ba awaits them; in the presence of her guests, this underworld hag displays a crooked grin and forces them to strip naked entirely. Assisted by her male partner Keneō, these garments are weighed at the riverbanks and determine the severity of punishment they ought to receive based on the mass of their sins.

'If you arrive without any clothes on – say, if you die naked – they'd skin you instead... it sounds pretty grotesque, doesn't it, [Y/N]?' Dazai added softly, hovering his hand over my hair as I looked up at his arms. 'I reckon I'd be fine with the bandages; they've become one with my skin, after all.'

'You consider yourself a bad person?' I noted quickly, looking up at him to meet his dark chocolate irises.

He gave me no answer – none that was verbal, anyway; his eyes failed to speak for themselves too, neither seeming to agree nor differ from the statement I'd queried on.

'I don't think you're a bad person, Osamu.'

He hummed monotonously, in acknowledgement, and returned his gaze to the railing before us, inching our bodies closer to the edge to lean his side against the metal while silently obliging me to do the same.

'Children are also stripped from their clothes when they reach the Sanzu River,' he continued, heaving out a breath as he looked down at the speeding traffic several floors below.

Dying young means you failed to learn about life's various experiences, and children most certainly never learnt the basics such as climbing steep bridges to cross rivers; due to such, they must meet Datsue-ba after death – regardless of whether they've been good or not.