Broken Promises

Part 17

Lindsey never liked hospitals. He mostly hated the smell, it made his stomach churn. He felt uncomfortable, walking down the hallway to the room, which was currently assigned to his wife. The problems they were currently trying to deal with were put aside as soon as Lindsey lay his eyes on Stevie. She just looked so small, lying in bed. His heart began beating faster, seeing her pale and motionless. If not for the beeping of various machines, he would have thought - no, don't go there, he told himself. Taking her hand in his, Lindsey brought it up to his lips, he then brushed stray hairs out of her face, he pressed a kiss to he forehead.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He whispered, gently kissing her on the lips so he wouldn't wake her.

Pulling up a chair, Lindsey sat down, holding Stevie's hand in his. He suddenly remembered Tom saying, how he wished he had a chance to have an argument with his wife. Stevie wasn't sick, she hadn't been battling any disease for years. He knew, she was going to open her eyes and speak to him again, but what if she didn't? What if their last interaction was a massive fight about something that happened such a long time ago? What if his last words to her were to get the hell out of his sight, when she told him, she loved him? Lindsey swallowed the lump of tears in his throat and rested his forehead on their joined hands.

He didn't know how much time had passed, when Lindsey felt Stevie's hand move in his. He lifted his head up and he had never felt so relieved before seeing her looking back at him.

"You didn't have to come." Stevie's voice sounded hoarse.

"Of course, I did." Lindsey stood up and leaned over her, he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I'm okay." She said, tilting her eyes up to look at him.

"Well, I hope you are now. Last night you weren't." Lindsey took a seat again. "I'm so terribly sorry that I didn't pick up the phone."

"There was nothing you could have done, Lindsey. This wasn't your fault."

"I can't help but feel like it was." He shifted his gaze away from her. "You're stressed out because of me. First, I didn't want to even talk to you, then we had an argument and I yelled at you. You left to return home and again, I haven't reached out to check on you once, too busy drowning my sorrows with a bottle each night. I talked to Adam, he told me you haven't been sleeping well, you're barely eating. Steph, I-" She saw his eyes well up with tears and it hurt her that he was blaming himself. "Did you..." He paused to compose himself. "Did you know, when you came to see me a month ago?"

"I did." Stevie nodded slightly and he closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I wanted us to talk first. I didn't want you to forgive me just because I was pregnant."

"You should have. You should have!" Lindsey raised his voice, frustrated with the both of them. "I would have never been able to forgive myself if... If..."

"No if's." Stevie shook her heard, bringing her hand up to touch his face. She then took his hand and placed it on her belly. "Linds, they're okay, too. You're right, the last couple of months have been stressful and yes, I haven't been taking care of myself, but it's not your fault." She repeated once more. "I'm 45 years old, I knew this was going to be a difficult pregnancy and I couldn't be bothered to take care of myself." A tear rolled down into the pillow. "If anyone's to blame, it's me."

"Don't say that." Lindsey stood up again and cradled her face in his hands, he kissed her. "This won't do anyone any good."

For a moment, she allowed herself to be held by him. She'd missed having him so close and she was going to enjoy every second of it before he realized that they weren't actually speaking to each other right now.

"Are you happy?" Stevie spoke up after some time. 

"I'm a little shocked, to be honest." Lindsey replied, moving over to the other side of the bed to take a bottle of water she had asked for. "I didn't think this was still possible for us."

"Neither did I. I was so conflicted, when I found out." He helped her sit up. "I was so happy. Every time I think of Adam and Ella leaving home soon, it breaks my heart. I know, we're not going to become grandparents any time soon either." Lindsey smiled, sitting down. "So, the good news brought a lot of joy, but..." She cast her eyes down, biting on her bottom lip. "I also understood the risks, the chances of miscarriage... It almost happened already and, uh..." She cocked her head back and took a deep breath. "And I started thinking, whether I'm just being selfish? What if my body is unable  to carry the baby to full-term, what if there are complications, what if our son or daughter is born with-" 

"Hey..." Lindsey interrupted, seeing how emotional Stevie was becoming. "We're going to love our child no matter what."

Getting her emotions under control, Stevie asked, her voice a little shaky. "A-are we... going to do it together?"

Exhaling heavily, Lindsey let go of her hand and hung his head low, avoiding her eyes. "Let's focus on getting you better, okay?"