The Dead Live (Book 3)

Chapter 40: Another Day (Christians POV)

Another day, that's what it was for me at least. I felt almost like a robot at this point, as I hardly felt any sort of emotion for any thing. When I got out of bed, such as I was trying to do at this very moment, which felt kind of hard as well, and that was a bit strange to me too, as I was used to not getting all that much sleep.
I knew that was what the problem was, as I had not gotten the best sleep over the last few months. There was not much for me in my sleep it felt, as it was always over run by nightmares. I had lost so much, and I knew it. I had lost it all... How was I even alive at this point, what was the point in all of this in the first place.
It felt like God damned me to this place, as I should have ended up like my wife and my young child, and gone up to heaven with them. Did I really deserve it though? I was a bad person before all of this, and at times, I still felt like I was a bad person after all it, as I did not seem to show hardly any emotion, nor did it seem like I cared about any one.
I cared about Lilly... I was not in love with her, such as she was for me, but I went to her house to always make sure that she was okay. She was the one person that I actually enjoyed spending any sort of time around, and now, just like every one else that I had in my life at one point, she was gone too.
Well... I suppose that her death was a little bit different than the death of my wife and child. I felt like telling this story to my self, every so often, as it was a memory of what I used to have. I knew it was never good to dwell on the past, and the bad memories that you tended to have.
But this memory, it always came up for me when I was in pain, and I was in a lot of struggle. It did not help me at all, and I some times wish that I could talk to some one about this, and just get it off of my chest, as it always seemed to bother me, as it always came back to me for one thing, and the other was that I had never told any one about it either.
People usually thought of me as a loner, and they thought that was how I wanted it to be, but the truth was, before the world had gone to shit, I felt like I always needed some one by my side. Perhaps that was my mistake, and that is why I still felt the pain and the hurt that I felt to this very day. Maybe I should be the person that people thought I was.
I should have opened up to the kid... I had done it for his father, or rather step father as he was, but that man was gone, just like every one else that I had ever cared about as well. I was worried that if I got any sort of close to the kid, the same thing would happen to him, that seemed to happen to every single other person that I cared about.
I felt cursed, even though a lot of people told me that things such as that were not real. I had felt that way since I was a young kid, as it felt like only bad things seemed to come my way. My father told me it just felt like that, because I had a negative out look on my life.
Shortly after he had told me that how ever, he soon passed away in a car accident just a few days after telling me so. I knew that I could not get too close to the kid. He was a good kid, and he had been raised well by my best friend, and his wife. I just was worried if I felt any sort of emotion for him, that some thing bad would happen.
I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I shook my head at the same time as well, as I did my best to shake off all of those thoughts. I turned my head over to the side of the bed that I was laying on, as I then looked over at my alarm clock that was sitting right beside me on the cabinet next to my bed side.
It was 2:30 in the morning... I knew that I needed to get some sleep, and luckily enough for me it was the winter, so at the very least as well, the sun would not get up until later in the morning. It seemed that my brain had programmed it in to me, that I was going to wake up as soon as the sun rose in to the horizon no matter what at this point.
I had not got any sleep at all at this point, as my brain seemed to be stuck on the same thoughts that it always seemed to be stuck on. Which was of course, the night that it had all happened to me in the first place. The night that I had lost my every thing, and all that had ever mattered to me in my entire life time.
I felt sick, as I turned my head over, to get away from the alarm clock, and try to shake off the reason that I had not fallen asleep just yet. I tried my best, but it all was coming back to me so fast at the same time as well, such as it always seemed to do, as I squinted my eyes quite a bit hard, as a single tear dropped from my left eye at the exact same time too.
I had to hold in the tears... I had to be strong... I was better than all of that, and I knew it... There was too many people that were looking up to me, and people that needed me for help. I could not help it how ever, as the memory of that night went back in to my head in just a flash.