P.s. I Still Love You Niall

Chapter 8

Niall slowed the car down to a five mile-an-hour pace, as he pulled into the gravel road with Zayn’s letter clutched in his hand across the steering wheel. He looked around at all the stone-cold headstones growing from the dead brown grass in the peek of winter. Black and gray was all that filled Niall’s vision, once he pulled the car to a stop. It was mid day, and the sun was no where to be found with such gloom in the air. The clouds covered the what-should-have-been a blue sky, but the sky was not blue today. It’s as if the heavens knew where Niall would be, and they thought it to be not-wise to show the colour of happiness on such a day where happiness strayed so far away.

Niall rested his head on the steering, trying to gain confidence to face Zayn’s buried corpse. It’s silly, how these things have such an affect on us. The shell of a body is not even above ground, why was Niall so afraid to face it?

He forced himself out of the car, knowing it was now of never. He had driven three hours to Bradford just to do this, and he refused to back out. Niall slammed the door shut, scattering the crows across the field into a frenzy to the sky. The winter air hit Niall immediately, sending cold shivers through his body, disregarding the nervous trembles he’s been having the whole drive. He dug his hands thoroughly into his pockets, hoping to save them from frost bite. He buried his chin into his neck, and threw the hood of his jacket over his snap-back and continued his way to the rows-and-rows of lost love ones, people would never seen again but in pictures.

Niall didn’t exactly know where Zayn was hiding, considering that he wasn’t here for the burial. So, he did what any lost puppy would do. He wondered. He made his way through headstone-after-headstone, row-after-row. Occasionally he would skim over the names carved into the forgotten stone, and would wonder how long it’s been since they had a visitor, or even if they had anyone left to visit them. Maybe they didn’t need visitors because their visitors came to join them wherever they are.

The thought would make others feel eerie, but not Niall, not anymore. The thought was soothing. What if the person who died was alone in the world they went off to? It’s a terrible feeling to be alone, Niall was an expert. He never wanted anyone to feel alone, dead or alive.

After what seemed like hours, he finally skimmed over a very familiar name that he came to love. Here before him, stands a bright gray headstone with the name “Malik” engraved largely forever until faded. He brushed his fingers on the gravely cold stone, and a sad smile painted itself across his face, but it was painted in water-colour, and we know how water-colour runs off the canvas only to leave traces of it’s true colour.

Niall took notice to the rest of what was written on Zayn’s stone. It wasn’t much, but it just seemed so Zayn.

Zayn J. Malik

January 12, 1993- August 6, 2016

“We do not die young, we move on to something greater”

Niall sighed heavily, resting both of his hands on the stone. “Merry Christmas, Zayn,” Niall whispered, choking back the tears he knew were coming. “I wish you were here. We all do,” Niall suddenly found himself lashing out in anger, like he did often now. He would get angry to hide how he was actually feeling. Sad.

“Why did you leave me?” Niall began, flinging his hands from the stone. “How dare you! You left me alone, and without a warning! That wasn’t fair! Do you really think it’s better off this way? Do you really think I’ll ever be the same after this? Because if that’s what your true intentions were, then you were sorely mistaken, babe,” Niall felt his tears freeze to his cheeks, as a cold gust of wind blew in his direction, pulling his hood off his head.

“What did I ever do to you to deserve this? I gave you everything I could, everything! I’m not better without you, I’m better with you. I thought I made that clear to you,” Niall started up again, with his voice echoing throughout the grave site, hitting every stone with a bounce.