Jealousy

You Should Know

Have you ever had this feeling? Like you're a helium balloon with your string cut. A rotting piece of wood adrift in the vast ocean.

Does saying it like that make me sound too pretentious? Thinking I'm some kind of literary youth. Of course, I'm not. I'm just sad. Sad people tend to be under the impression that they've been possessed by their demons and suddenly know the gruesome secrets of the universe through a few lines of poetry.

Second-year of being at the hotel; my life is great. All the sad things from the past can be thrown to the back of the mind.
So, my life isn't sad...

Until that day came and I still can't bear why it happened to me. So it starts here. My merry-go-round go-round isn't quite done yet...

The library in the hell village;  twenty minutes away from the hotel was my favourite place to ease my senses. The librarian also let me stay after hours. I think she was the only person that understood me for what I was.
As well as treating me like one of her own. I told her about my father... She hugged me and kissed my cheek. Said I was going to be the strongest of my kind. And be who I want to be even if my childhood wasn't the best start to my life.

But why did dad treat me like he did? Why didn't I do anything then think of what he was doing?
Why me...?

Dad didn't think that working at the bar was more important than me – he wasn't that kind of person. It was just that someone needed to be working for the money. I worked with him of course. But I tried to go out as long as I can. The last time I tried to help I had a boot to the head.

October again, but different. My feet bones crunched down the sidewalk where I land my feet on the side of the hotel step. With my exposed face to the piercing frigid air. It filled my lungs like ice water, but I was already cold.

Ever since June; the worst summer of my life. But Charlie had started the redemption process and it kept me busy enough until I finally went to bed and got to dream of times past when all of us would sit in the sand and laugh at the sun and my cold beer would help me stay happy.

I slid the key into the lock but the door opened wide before I could turn it. Nifty grabbed me in her arms, giggling and kissing my hair and rushing me in from the wind outside. I heard the familiar whir of the old washer as she dragged me toward the kitchen, tripping over the still-empty cardboard boxes from unpacking the stuff for the customers.

I tossed my backpack with books in the kitchen corner and ditched my jacket I wore over the top to keep me warm. Sometimes I get cold when flying.

Soon leading my brain to my bedroom. But looking to my right watching Angel and my boss Alastor. Also, workers to the hotel snogging their fat faces together like love cunts. Fucking low life piece of shit.

Soon I close my door and crash to the floor.

Every time I see them tow fucking kissing and whatever... It PISSES ME OFF!!

To everyone who has fallen in love or say the one you thought was going to end up with you... someone once said to me in a dream...

"Don't love someone you know is going to let you go"

But how could you know? All those times all you thought was happiness and real love.

This story goes a long way well for me a guy like me who been through this heartbreak as much as you all have. I didn't wear bright colours, shorts, joggers, always the dark colours that I chose no shorts no joggers just plain jeans and a plain shirt, well I was someone who saved me from all the hell I was going through, I mean we all do but I was the one I was saving myself from. No one else helped me but me.

It was a cold rainy night... I met up with Niss the day after Alastor saved Angel from Valentino. I landed outside the Japanese cafe. Walking down the alley of the incident, he was already standing in the darkness waiting for me.

" greetings pussy cat" he hissed at me " come to me," he says whilst I smell weed in the air.

as soon as I walked toward him in the shadows of the night and the wet humid rain damping my sticky body of fur. He rapidly grabs my hand and led me deeper into the alley. We locked eyes and we both knew what was going to happen that very moment.

" So. Husker, yesterday. Val is dead and Alastor has all that he wants. How do you feel about that" he smirks and lends me over a cigar of weed.

I pathetically began to weep and beg for what I wanted. Smoking it heavily and soon falling again to the ground with what he knows I'm in love with his brother Angel.

Miss sits next to me and hugs me for comfort.
" look. There's only one way to seek what you want and honestly. As it's your boss. A lot Is at stake. A lot of sacrifices and it could kill you one day" Niss confronts

" so why the fuck would you suggest something that is going to kill me you prick!"

I take out a split knife and start to cut myself in the darkness. Niss grabs my knife as the blood dribbles down my arm and heard the tapping of it on the pavement.

"Suicide. It's something I've been thinking about. Not too seriously, but I have been thinking about it"

He snatched the knife from me and then he held my hand tightly I couldn't move. His other hand on my arm with his hand covered in blood. He told me it was because we were best friends and as his eyes got watery... He walked to the opposite side of me and had his head in his hands and said, "I care about you so much... Why is this?"

I start to cry looking into his eyes seeing his pain too. I started to notice I fucked up.

" Why did you try to kill yourself right now!?" Niss hisses angrily.

" you told me to be happy"

" I can't do this anymore... But you do what you want" Niss leaves and I stay stranded in the alley with my demons.

The worst type of crying wasn't the kind everyone could see--the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it.

I'm safe... Up high... Nothing can touch me...

A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like me and Echo, our souls contained more scar tissue than life.

But why don't feel these parties over... No pain inside. You're my protection...

What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you:

'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more'

... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?

But why do I feel this good sober?

Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him:

'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine

So I lie on the concrete floor. Crying in the rain. "We need never be ashamed of our tears." I said crying with no voice inside of me anymore"

THANK YOU FOR READING PRT 2 SOON!!