The downworld - Malec Fanfiction AU

Chapter IX- Remembrance

Magnus

"Magnus, you need to eat" Catarina pushes the food towards me, but I don't have the stomach for it.

"I'm not hungry" I sigh as a forkful of whatever that is halts in front of my face. Catarina looks at me with worry that she barely hides.

"They called me last night" I tell her. Catarina nods.

"He was still screaming as they got me on the phone" his screams still hall in my ears and make me shudder with coldness.

"What did the doctor say?" I know that the actual questions is 'can you see him soon?' so I just shake my head.

"I just want to see him" the lump in my throat that has been there since Alexander has been brought to the psychiatric ward seems to grow until I can't keep my tears away.

***

Alec

"Mr. Lightwood...Mr. Lightwood, are you with us?" I blankly look at the man with the white blouse in front of me.

"Mr. Lightwood, can you tell me where we are?" I look around without moving my head. The walls are white. The door is white. The small window has bars in front of it.

"Where's Magnus?" The man looks at me with a distorted face. I can't identify the emotion. I can't identify any emotion anymore.

"Mr. Lightwood, can you tell me where we are ?" The man asks again.

"Not at Magnus'?"

"Mr. Lightwood, you're in a place to help your mental state. Do you remember what happened?" The man says. Mental state? What mental state. Where's Magnus?

The man looks at me as if I'm supposed to say something. Did he ask something? My mind feels so slow and I can't even really think properly.

"I have nightmares. I don't sleep. Is that the problem?" I ask him.

"You're almost there, Mr. Lightwood. Keep trying to remember. Can you tell me something about what happened lately?"

"Where's Magnus?" I ask him. He wears a white blouse. He must know something?

"Mr. Bane is not here, Mr. Lightwood." The man says.

"Why?" The man's face distorts again.

"You're not well enough to see him" I am sick?

"Mr. Lightwood, you had an emotional breakdown. Can you tell me something about it?"

Emotional breakdown?

"Let's try something else. How are you feeling, Mr. Lightwood?"

"I...I don't know" what am I supposed to say?

"Can you try to describe it?" He says.

"I don't feel anything. All is slow" The man nods.

"Do you know who I am?" He asks. I shrug.

"A nice man who asks a lot of questions?" The man holds back a small chuckle. It's barely there, but I see it.

"Yes, that's kind of fitting. I'm your therapist, Mr. Lightwood"

"I have a therapist...you said something about a breakdown?" My therapist (?) nods.

"Yes, Mr. Lightwood. You had an emotional breakdown. A bad one I might say"

"What happened?" I ask him. Some blurry images flash infront of my eyes.

"We don't know exactly, your boyfriend-"

"Magnus? Where is he?" I interrupt looking around. More flashed images appear in front of my eyes, a little less blurry.

"Your boyfriend reported that you suddenly went all tense when he called you as he entered the kitchen where you were staring out of the window. That you suddenly...lost nerve" My air supply is almost cut off as I see myself holding a large kitchen knife pointing at Magnus. He holds his hands up and there's a woman behind him. He looks scared. I need to protect him, place myself infront of whatever scares Magnus. It takes a second for me to realise that Magnus is staring at me like this. That I am scaring him.

"I attacked Magnus" I whisper. I should die. I attacked Magnus.

I see myself approaching Magnus with the knife. I hear screaming. So much screaming. Vile words. My voice. Oh no...

"Magnus! I attacked my Magnus!" I pull my hair.

"Mr. Lightwood calm down"

"Magnus! NO MAGNUS! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" Men enter the room as the man in the blouse gets a some kind of needled container out.

"I NEED TO SEE HIM. I NEED TO SAY SORRY! MAGNUS! MAGNUS!"

Nurse Patrickson

Mr. Lightwood's eyes roll in their sockets as he screams almost as loud as he did last night. I quickly grab his arms and force him down to be pinned. He's already ripped out a lot of his hair.

"MAGNUS! MAGNUS! LET ME SAY SORRY TO HIM!" He shouts desperately as tears fall down his eyes while he fights my grip. The doctor quickly gives him the meds, pushing the plunger way too fast for it to be comfortable. The effect is almost immediate. Mr Lightwood weakens, fights much less strong.

"Let me say sorry to him. Please...let me say sorry to Magnus. Let me say that I'm sorry..." his sobs ebb away as his eyes roll to the back of his skull, loosing conscience. The others prepare everything for his sleep while I take a looks at the doctor who wipes blood from his nose. Often patients don't even realise they hurt us while thrashing around.

"You okay, sir?"

"Yeah. He's just a bit stronger than the usual ones" the doc mutters.

"Are you sure that holding him away from his boyfriend is a good Idea?"

"He almost killed him last time. As long as I'm not 100% sure that the man is safe, he won't come."

"And if we pin Mr. Lightwood down?" I ask.

"I'll think about it" with that, doc leaves, letting us to take care of patients n° 667.