The downworld - Malec Fanfiction AU

Chapter VII- Bits and pieces of memories

Author's note: I felt bad because I think I broke a few hearts last Sunday...
So yeah. An extra long chapter (1400 words) for you now. I planned this for Sunday, but you seemed all so sad... sorry! I hope this can soothe your souls a bit?

I wish I knew the artist of this drawing, but sadly I don't know so yeah...whoever did this, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Moonlightgrey

"Mr. Lightwood, I have some good news for you. You've behaved well enough that we can allow you to go for a small walk in our park outside" the man with the white lab tells me. I believe he's told me his name before, but I can't remember it. He's nice though.

"Mr. Lightwood, did you understand me?" He asks gently but I see his eyes watching me carefully though my dulled senses. I remember they were sharper before but I can't really remember if I needed them so much or if I just was sharp minded because I'm a control freak.

"Mmmh. Outside sounds nice." I hear my voice and I think it's airy. But it all feels like some kind of dream after all.

"Mr. Bane has asked if he could come by, would you like for him to accompany you?" Magnus?

"Does he like me? I think I might have changed in here...does he still like me?" I ask the doctor who blushes for a second. Then his face goes back to professional.

"Mr. Bane likes you very much, Alec. He asks about you at least twice a day" I feel a smile grow on my lips. Magnus asks about me... somehow it feels warm and comfortable to think about it.

"I like him very much too" I say. The man nods.

"Would you like to elaborate? We still have a little time" he says. I frown, trying to remember what I know about him. I feel like there's a lot but I can't put my finger on it.

"I trust him. I don't know why, but I do. You said he's asking about me often...this place is for sick people...is he okay? Does he need help too?" The man frowns.

"Alec, can you try to remember why you trust him?" A blurry situation flashes in front of my eyes. His eyes are staring at me but I can't see the details. I feel his throat beneath my hands.

'You won't kill me'

His voice is almost fully silent...I'm choking him against a car. I'M CHOKING HIM! And he trusted me! I'm a monster! I'm such a monster! I choked him! Oh god, please! That can't be! It can't be!

"I need to apologize! Please! Let me apologize!" I cry as the doctor is holding my writs and I hear steps behind me. I fight them. I NEED TO APOLOGIZE! WHY DONT THEY GET IT!

"MR. LIGHTWOOD!" The man yells. I look at him as my heart burns in my chest.

"If you calm down and stop ripping your hair out, I will let you call whoever you want to apologize to. Okay?" He tells me, staring sternly. I nod and try to get air into my lungs.

"Magnus, please let me say sorry to Magnus...I need to. I please..." I whisper.

"Whatever you remembered, my love, I have already forgiven you" a smooth voice says behind me. The nurses let me turn around and I see Magnus. He's smiling at me, but there's pain in his eyes as he looks me over.

Magnus

Alexander's face is covered in tears as the nurses keep him from hurting himself furthermore. He looks at me as if I'm the holy grail. His cheeks are hollow. His weakened body is hidden by the clothes he's wearing. They have told me that the more Alexander remembers the less he has eaten. That they've had to force feed him some of the days.

"I-I choked you! How could you trust me?!" He asks, weeping. With a glance at the doctor, I step forwards, enough for me to pull his head to my shoulder. I notice the bandana in the front pocket of his shirt. Alexander lets me, pressing against my neck.

"I trusted you because I knew that you have a heart. I still trust you, my love." The nurses let him go and immediately he holds onto me, bony arms and thin fingers from finding their way around me. How could I ever send a man who loved this much away in tears in the middle of the night? How stupid.

"Come on, baby. Let's go grab you some vitamin D. The park is beautiful." Alexander nods against my neck.

"We need to put you in a straightjacket again, darling, shhhh" I immediately shush him as he tenses up. 

"It's okay, we'll take it off again, I promise. It'll be okay. It's just so that you aren't endangering yourself. Can you let the nurses put it on?" I ask him. Alexander shakes his head and tries to hold me closer. But his attempts are so weak that I actually notice how much muscle he's lost.

"You" he whispers. So during the next five minutes, the nurses coach me as I put my love into this thing which you usually only see in movies. I hurts me to see him like this. Then, we sit him down in a wheelchair where they fasten some kind of belt around his hips so he remains seated.

"Ready, my love?" Alexander gives me a boyish smile, innocence shining in theses blue eyes, lighting them up for the first time in so long.

"Will you stay with me?" He asks carefully.

"Always"  as I push him outside of the huge building, the beauty of the gardens is only dulled by the razor wire ontop of the fence. But Alexander doesn't seem to notice as he looks around, curious. We see other patients walking around with nurses who watch them closely. I know that Nurse Patrickson follows us a few feet away, ready to step in but giving us as much privacy as possible.

"It's beautiful" Alexander says awing at a white butterfly that flies from a flower right on top of his left knee, where it flaps its wings very slowly.

"Did you know they have four wings?" He says, watching the small animal which he can't touch with his restrained arms.

"No, I didn't, love. I just knew their wings are very fragile and should not be touched" Alexander hums absently. He's slipping away a bit. The meds make him drowsy from what the doctors have told me, but until he's stable they can't lower the dose. I push his chair towards a bench, while he keeps watching the butterfly until it flies away.

"Bye!" He says, cheerfully. Then he turns and looks over his shoulder to me.

"Can I sit on the bench with you? I've always wanted to sit on a park with a bench with somebody who cares about me" he says. I can't help but smile. I don't need sex or kisses to be happy. This, his words, are enough.

"Of course, my love. Stay put, okay? We wouldn't want Nurses Patrickson to be mad at us, wouldn't we?" I tell him seriously but Alexander only giggles and shakes his head.

"Can I sit with Magnus, Mr. Patrickson?" He asks with a small pout, reminding me of a school boy who wants to sit with his best friend in class.

"Yes you can, but you have to tell me if you don't feel well, alright?" Nurse Patrickson replies.

So within two minutes, Alexander sits in my lap, his head leaning against my shoulder as he watches the green grass, the flowers and the bees flying around. The innocence of under meds Alexander is surprising me. I hope he'll keep some of it when we slowly stop them again. That he keeps this happiness.

"Magnus?" Alexander asks shyly.

"Hmm?"

"I think I love you" he whispers into my ear, then leans back and looks at me with a fierce blush. I can't stop my smile.

"Well that's good news, because I love you too. Very much so" I reply and he leans back against my shoulders.

"Mmmh" he mumbles. A few minutes later, I hear soft little snores. Nurse Patrickson who stands a few feet away, looks at us and smiles. Carefully I hand him my phone and he takes a picture of us.

"If I see this on social media I'll find you, Mr. Bane" he says warningly. I shake my head and smile. This picture will only stay on my bedside table until I go home. With my Alexander.