Lifeless

Chapter 28 - La Douleur Exquise

(Tw!) This chapter contains fighting and self hating thoughts. If you are sensative to any of these topics, I can provide a recap : ) This chapter is a little short, but its the first thing i've been able to write in a while, so I'm just taking it as is lol.

la douleur exquise - (French) Directly translated, the French phrase means "exquisite pain," but that doesn't convey the full force of the sentiment. It specifically refers to that pain you feel for wanting someone you can't have.

__________________

Izuku watched as the Lov's henchmen entered his room. He held Miso tightly to his chest, the cat not protesting, noticing Izuku panicked state.

It had almost been a month, almost long enough for Izuku to forget why he had gotten Miso in the first place. Almost long enough to forget that the League planned to use the cat to manipulate Izuku's emotions and actions. Izuku had known exactly what their plan was, but fell into the trap anyway. Miso was worth it, giving the cat the best life he could was worth it. Otherwise, Miso would've starved in the cell across from Izuku, a deliberate form of torture from his captors.

The people slowly walked closer and closer. Their stance and aura made it clear to Izuku that there was no doubt that they were here to threaten him. No one talked, and Izuku let them. He let them stew in their forced silence, letting them know through his own hardened gaze that he intended to protect his cat with his life.

The group spread around the room slowly, keeping up their intimidating stances and unwavering silence. It almost irked Izuku, how they were planning to take away the one last thing he cared about, but didn't give him the honor of a single word. It was a twisted thing to wish for considering his circumstances, but it further solidified his absolute hate for this dreaded place. Izuku knew he was awarded absolutely no respect. He wasn't seen as human. He was seen as a thing, some object to manipulate and abuse.

Izuku sat Miso in the nearest corner, placing his hand over the cat's back when it started to move. Izuku knew Miso would stay there. Izuku's defensive behavior paired with the unknown humans in the room, meant Miso would stay out of the way.

Izuku took a stance in front of his cat, spreading his feet apart to better his balance and bringing his hands up in a position that he thought would convey his readiness to his enemy. They wanted this. Izuku knew that. They wanted Izuku to fight them, but Izuku couldn't think of a single way that would stop them, that he could escape this with Miso safe and violence never used.

It was impossible.

Izuku would fight. He would fight with everything he could. He didn't know the abilities of his enemy, nor how to properly fight, but he would use everything he possibly could.

The group moved slowly at first, heading closer and closer to Izuku, but as if a switch had been flipped, they all charged him at once. There were about eight people, all in the same identical clothing, all moving at the same pace.

One aimed their fist at Izuku's face, another aimed their foot at Izuku's knee. Izuku twisted his neck while taking a step back, causing both people to over extend their limbs. Izuku grabbed the next punch sent his way, pushing the person back harshly.

With a flurry of attacks, Izuku spots a hand reaching behind him for Miso. Izuku quickly brought his foot down on it, not hearing the crack of bones over the new ringing in his ears from a punch that had made contact with the side of his head. Izuku continued on anyway, not giving them a chance to grab his cat.

With his limbs moving on their own to defend him, Izuku could feel his energy slowly depleting. His arms slowed and it felt as if his legs became heavier. There was a point that he wouldn't be able to move, that his body would give out from underneath him and he would be unable to save Miso. He had to do something, he knew that he would be forced to get rid of the people attacking him, that it would be the only way he would have his desired outcome.

Tears escaped Izuku's eyes as he brought one attacker's face down onto his knee. Why him? Why was it him stuck in hell? What did he ever do to deserve living such a horrid life?

Izuku went through the group, slowly incapacitating each one with random hits and kicks. Izuku didn't want to know if they were dead or if he had simply knocked them unconscious. The possibilities weighed heavily on his mind, causing more tears to fall.

Had he really been forced to hurt them? Was violence really the only thing that would solve this? Were these people forced to fight him too? Too many thoughts flew around in Izuku's mind, no logical answers coming to mind in favor of a crazed, guilty voice that told him it's his fault. It was his fault.

Everything.

It told him that every single thing that had happened to him was his own fault, that it could've been prevented. It was a cycle of never ending hate. He was forced to do something, he did it, but then doubts arise. Did he really have to do it? Was that really the only option?

Fur brushed against Izuku's leg, surprising him in the midst of his downward spiral. He looked down to see Miso, the cat meowing loudly and pushing his body against Izuku.

Izuku let out a watery laugh at the cat's motion, appreciating the knowing distraction. Miso grabbed hold of Izuku's tattered pant leg with his teeth, pulling the boy with him towards the other side of their shared cell and curling up once at his desired place.

Izuku sobbed as he sat down next to Miso, gently petting the cat.