context: argument between gn!reader x aaron hotchner
You had been mustering up the courage to have this talk all week. It's not that you were afraid of Aaron, you were afraid of losing him for good. Aaron was an all or nothing person, it was shown in the way he he'd courted you and then again in the way he prioritized his work over your relationship. You couldn't be mad at him when you've told him over and over again that it's okay but you could be mad at him for believing you. He was a profiler and never picked up on the way your jaw clenched, your voice softened in sadness, the tears that pricked your eyes whenever he was called away.
You loved him but you were tired. Uprooting your life for him had been as easy as falling in love with him. It was the days and nights alone with little to know communication that was hard. When things were good they were so good, but the good was getting more scarce. Almost nonexistent.
When the door slams to your apartment you almost lose your nerve, but you knew that it was now or never. Separation; that's all you're thinking it'll come to. You would tell him you needed space and time and then the two of you would miss each other. Your relationship in turn would get better, he would see what he was missing and get his shit together. At least, that's what you keep telling yourself when you round the corner and see him.
"Hi, honey." His voice is tired and groggy as he shuffles over to you and gives you a kiss on the head. His fingers grip your hips softly, pulling you flush against him.
You relish the contact, knowing that soon everything would be different. "Hi. Tired?"
"Beat." He murmurs before placing another kiss on your head. You would never grow tired of his warmth against you. Your heart was already breaking at the idea of not feeling it for the undetermined amount of time looming in front of you.
When he pulls away to start down the hall you speak up, not letting go of his hand. "Could we talk for a minute before you sleep?"
"Can it wait?" He turns to look at you and your stomach drops.
"I don't...think it can." You look down at your feet, the feeling of his stare gluing you in place.
"Is everything okay?"
"No, its not."
His eyes widen with alarm, his head whipping around to look at that apartment. "Is Jack-"
"Jack's fine, this is about...us."
"What about us?"
The silence is heavy in the air, and if you had a knife you could cut through the tension. You hand drops his and you take a step back as you brace yourself for what's to come.
"I think we should spend some time apart. Temporarily." You're so quiet you can barely hear yourself.
"What?"
Assuming that he didn't hear you, you start again" "I think we-"
"I heard you the first time. What are you talking about? Time apart?"
"Clearly, we need to value our time together more and-"
"I do value our time together." His eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"Not enough to want to increase it or put me first." You say accusingly and the resigned sigh that leaves him tells you this will not end well.
"I thought you understood."
"I do understand, you know that I understand."
"Then what is this? Because it feels like bullshit to me, Y/n."
"I'm just tired of the lack of effort."
"The lack of effort." He snorts, throwing his hands up in the air.
"Yes." You cross your arms, your voice thick with the tears that are threatening to pour.
"Do you know how tiring this?" He demands, running his hands through his hair. You gather that this is a rhetorical question when he continues to talk. "You think I wanted to start over again? I didn't want to have to do this all over again. I didn't want to put in all the work and rebuild with someone else. I had who I wanted!"
"Aaron." You say sharply, partially in scolding and partially in disbelief that he could ever say something like that to you.
He could be negligent in his time for you but he had never been anything other than sweet and respectful. Never mean. This side of him was new to you, maybe it was one he reserved for the sickos and pervs he caught day in and day out.
By all his previous accounts he was in love with you and he wanted this as much as you did. In fact, he had been the one to tell you how much he wanted this, and that it didn't matter if you had to move across the country to be with him. Now that all seemed to be a lie. Was he serious?
He covers his mouth then, taking in the gravity of the words he's just said. "Y/n, I didn't mean-"
You cut him off, shaking your head. "No, I think you did mean it."
"I'm stressed, I'm tired, I didn't mean it."
You legs start to move before the thought to walk makes it to your brain. It feels like you're watching yourself from outside of your body as you pull out a large suitcase and start packing things into it. You can hear a hum, incessant and annoying buzzing in your ears. You don't realize once until you're packed and turning to leave the bedroom that it's Aaron talking to you. You continue to ignore him as you make your way back into the living room. The engagement ring that's on your finger feels like its on fire as you look down at it.
"No, don't, please don't." He begs as you slip the ring off of your finger.
"Its a good thing the wedding date was pushed back." You whisper in a melancholy tone. You're so sad that your body is going numb as you hold it out for him to take.
"Let's think rationally about this." He makes no move to grab the ring from your hand and you simply drop it. The clang of the metal hitting the floor rings throughout the apartment.
"My mind is clear, there's nothing to think about. I'm leaving, and its not going to be temporary, not after what you just said to me."
"Y/n, please, we can do the separation, we can do whatever you want but it can't end like this, I won't let it."
"You had your chance, Aaron."
"Then give me another one." He begs desperately, tears spilling from his eyes. He reaches for you and you step out of reach.
"I can't wait around for you to choose to be the man I deserve."
"You won't have to wait, I'll do it right now. Please. Y/n. Please."
"Let me know when you're called away again, and I'll come get my stuff. I'll update Jess on the...break up." A shudder passes through you as you say the last two words.
"Don't walk away from this." It's his last attempt to keep you from leaving but at this point in time you can't think of anything to keep you here.
"Its too late, Aaron." You say firmly before you walk out of the front door, forcing yourself not to look back.
You genuinely don't know how this happened, it feels like it was all a blur. You hardly remember whats been said outside of his rant about effort and you decision to leave for good. But, what you do know is that all along it shouldn't have been you that was afraid to lose him. It was him that should've been afraid of losing you. Because he had.
