The Earth Begins to Sway || Falsettos

Birthday Party

For Rosemary's 15th birthday, our families just gathered to have dinner. Nothing too big. The biggest thing we've had in ages was my bar mitzvah in Whizzer's hospital room, and that turned out way smaller than it was supposed to. And I kind of liked that. It wouldn't have been as nice to read in front of as many family members that could fit in the room. But then, you know, my dad's boyfriend died right after, so it wasn't a very good day. 

Anyway, we're at Charlotte and Cordelia's house, and Rose and I are hanging out on the porch. 

"This is a super nice house, isn't it?" I try to make conversation. 

"Heh, yeah," she replies. "You know, I'm so glad that of all people, your godparents are the ones I ended up with." 

"'Ended up'? So it's official?" I'm both excited and sickened at the same time. Like at my bar mitzvah. That's pretty cool. 

"Well, you know. It could change, up till I'm actually of age and able to... oh, fuck. I don't know what I'll do if I don't stay here." There are tears in her eyes. I'm guessing there's something bad about aging out of foster care. "But right now, things are good. They're going well. I don't need to worry." She stares off. "Though my parents do keep saying not to get my hopes up." 

I sigh. That must be painful for her. "That's what my parents tell me, too. But hey, even if you move, we'll still see each other at school, right?" 

Rose glares at me. "Okay, first of all, my troubles are mostly about leaving my parents. Though of course you matter, too. I'm just saying," she informs me. Her look softens as she adds, "Second, it depends where I go." 

"Right." I nod. 

"So we've had the chance to talk about me. What's been going on with you?" 

I think about the fact that we don't even need a blanket fort, and I'm glad. They've been a pain to build. "Well, the other day, I found some stuff of my dad's," I begin. "I just kind of got upset, because his tie made me realize I didn't have him anymore, just his tie." 

"Oh, Jason. You talk about the deaths of your parents all the time. It really ails you, huh?" What? "Look on the bright side! You have memories with them! You have good times stored in here"—she waves a hand to indicate my head—"and stuff. Every single family member I've had, I've lost. And most of the times I remember aren't even good." 

"Look, Rose, I know your childhood wasn't very swell. Wasn't so much as mediocre. But it doesn't give you the right to belittle my situation." 

"Well, some people out there aren't complaining because of parent figures they had for a whole thirteen years of their life." 

That's not even the case, for Whizzer. I sit up. "Do you not understand how fucking death works?!" 

"Sorry, Jason," she sighs. "I'm just a little overwhelmed. I have problems, too, you know." 

"Of course I know! You talk about them all the time!" 

As soon as I've said this, I wish I'd just shut up sooner. I know what struggles are like. I know what depression is like. I don't know what her level of instability is like, but still. 

"Maybe because that's how problems are, dumbass! Jesus, I thought I could open up to you!" Rose shouts. 

"Well, I thought the same, but instead, you're just telling me I should be happy because instead of being passed like a ping-pong ball, I only had to deal with some slight little... MY DADS DYING?! AND I WAS A CHILD! I STILL AM!" 

"A ping-pong ball." She sighs, exasperated. "That's a new one." 

I soften. "Rose. I'm sorry." 

"You can't speak about family instability because your dad left your mom five years ago. You have no idea what I'm going through." 

"I'm not trying to have an idea! I was just sad about something that happened to me. You just asked me to tell you what was going on in my life, and then you shot it down." I'm borderline outraged. The one person I could trust. "What are you, selfish?" 

"I just wanted you to know our experiences don't compare!" 

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY EXPERIENCES?! YOU DON'T KNOW THE KIND OF EMOTIONAL BOND I HAD WITH THEM! AND THEY DIED! THEY WERE TAKEN FROM ME. FOREVER, Rose." This is around where I quiet down. "You'll never understand." 

This hurts her, and I know exactly why. My stomach is sinking. 

"Rose, that was so stupid. I have to stop—"

"I'm gonna go ask my parents when you're leaving," she says coldly, walking past to get in. I slump in my chair. 

Rose doesn't come back for a while, so I eventually give up and step inside. I have a casual conversation with my dad's lesbian neighbours before Mendel tells me it's time for us to leave. Thank God. 

My stepfather catches my eye as we walk to the car. I'm guessing he knows something's up, but I don't want to talk about it, so I turn away. 

"Jason..." he begins. 

I flinch. "Did Rose tell you? Did she... tell you what I said?" 

"As close as we are, no, she didn't. Did you two fight or something?" 

I sigh heavily, swinging open the backseat door. "Yeah, kind of." 'Kind of'? We were full-on screaming at each other. 

"What happened?" Mom interjects. I'd forgotten she was listening. 

"I don't really want to discuss it right now," I say apologetically as she starts the car. 

"That's fine." 

I turn my head to the window, like I've done so many times before, an indication that I don't want to talk anymore. I think everyone should have a window to turn to at all times. Just in case. I know I'd use that a lot.