The Earth Begins to Sway || Falsettos

A Nice Saturday to Myself

A few days after I was able to get that all out, I'm in the waking-up situation again. My head pounds. I don't want to go to school, or anywhere. Expect maybe the cemetery again, to wallow in the grief and the whole my-life-sucks thing. Fortunately, it's Saturday, so I can do whatever I choose, whether it's to stay home or go back out. 

I stay in for now. Mom and Mendel aren't home, and it's raining, too. I don't want things to get too depressing. It'll be a nice Saturday to myself. 

At around ten in the morning, the phone rings. I answer right away. "Hello?" 

"Jason, hi! I was hoping you'd pick up." It's Rose. 

"Well, I'm the only one home, so you got lucky calling today." 

"Oh, I'm home alone, too. I was wondering, though, if I could come over? I'll probably get back home before my moms do, so they won't know a thing," she suggests. 

Her moms? I'm just not used to thinking of Rose as family. I don't really like it. She's more of a school friend. "Yeah, yeah," I answer finally, "you can come over. I'd like company, I guess." 

A lie. I literally just said I was looking forward to having Saturday to myself. But I want to be nice to Rose, and anyway, I'll probably enjoy her company. 

Meanwhile, I take advantage of the empty house, eventually building a blanket fort out of boredom. Why isn't Rose here yet? 

The doorbell rings after a while. I'm at the door in a flash. "You're here!" I exclaim, swinging it open. 

A mail carrier stands outside. "Just delivering your mail, you know how it is." 

"Oh. Okay." 

It's noon when my friend finally arrives. Damn, I built that fort quickly. It seemed to be finished way closer to our call than to when Rose came. 

"You're here! And the right person!" 

"Yes..." She walks in through the door, resting her umbrella against the wall. I pick it up to put it on one of the hooks we have for that (Jesus, Rose). "Is that a blanket fort?" 

"Um... it is. I was just bored and I had a ton of blankets." 

"Can I go in?" 

"Yes, you can." Oh, my God. See, our conversations are so dry. Regardless, I follow her into the fort. She's someone I really relate to, so I need to keep her. Even if she wasn't my foster god-sister or whatever. 

"It's nice in here!" exclaims Rose. 

I'm honoured. "Really?!" 

"Yeah! It reminds me of the world closing in on me every time something inconvenient happens!" she replies perkily. 

I laugh. "I can relate." 

"Yeah, life is hard on both of us, huh?" 

"Mm-hm. But that's okay. We have each other if we need someone. And you have your foster parents, right? I've said this before, but I'm sorry about the way things happened with your real parents." 

Rose shakes her head. "I don't consider people who didn't raise me my real parents." It only now clicks that she's been in foster care her whole life. 

"Fair enough. Family isn't always blood. Look at me, I have four parents. Two of them are dead, but, like... still." 

What is it about the blanket fort that's making us actually discuss interesting things right now? And joking about trauma? Whatever it is, I'm considering making a blanket fort every time Rose comes over. 

We talk more for quite a while, and I watch her curly hair bounce when she laughs. God, I love curly hair. I have it, too, and I want to grow mine longer. Not as long as Rose's, but something like what Dad had. 

Anyway, dear God. Rose is just charismatic and pretty. I'm so glad we're friends. 

"Wait, what time is it?" she asks much later. 

I crawl out of the fort to check the wall's clock. "Almost four PM. Why?" 

"Oh, shit." It's the first time I've heard her swear. I mean, I did at 14, to be fair. I only really started swearing when I was 13 and more fed up with life than ever. Rose is still talking. "My moms might be home." 

"NO!" I cry. "Okay. Out the door. Come on." I hand her the umbrella frantically. "Run, Rose. Save yourself. There's still a chance." 

She nods bravely, and after we say our goodbyes, she ventures out into the still-pouring rain. 

By myself once again, I relax. I don't, however, dismantle the blanket fort. I think I'll need it for the next time she's here. It really helps. 

I stay home and chill until Mom and Mendel get home, instead of going to the cemetery. Maybe the reason I haven't been able to let go all these years was just that I wasn't seeing the bright side of things. There was no bright side to my family dying specifically, I mean to my life in general. Especially now, almost three years later. 

Maybe I just need to be more optimistic. After all, I had a lot of fun today, talking with Rose about our serious things in a less-serious manner. I just know she's a keeper. 

And with a jolt, I realize what I'm feeling right now. I've felt it many times before, more than I'm willing to admit. There's a reason I don't see Rose as a family member. 

I'm in love with her. 

Okay, maybe love is a strong word, but this is different than friendly or familial feelings. Fuck. I can't have a crush on my godparents' kid! If Mendel and Mom both end up dying, we'd be siblings. Well, if she's still around. But assuming she is! We can't be siblings! 

And I can't justify it. I just told Rose earlier that "family isn't blood", and I stand by that. I now wish I didn't stand by that. 

Oh my God. What am I gonna do? 

Not sleep on it, I presume.