Encore

18. Memories

"Home...sweet...home." Jaebeom thought to himself, his head slowly processing each word.

He still doesn't feel fully comfortable being at home. But he was getting there.

Jackson and his team went to South Korea because he was invited as a singer at his university's festival. Being a proud alumnus, Jackson instantly agreed.

So here they were, in South Korea. The college festival was tomorrow so they had the rest of the day off today.

And today, was his parent's death anniversary.

Jinyoung wanted to accompany him, but he was sick. Jaebeom had to practically gather reinforcements aka Mark to prevent Jinyoung from forcing his way out.

Placing his luggage to one side, Jaebeom went to the wardrobe and took out a simple long sleeve black button-down shirt and dress pants.

He decided to take a cold shower. He had to clear his head. The thoughts were overwhelming.

Walking out of the shower, Jaebeom stared at himself through the misty mirror. His hands were placed on the basin, fingers clenched around the cold marble.

Anxiety. Fear. Nostalgia. Waves of emotions crashed over him.

Wearing his shirt, his hands trembled, fingers fumbling with the buttons.

Jaebeom didn't visit his parents' graves until now. He knows it is unfilial, but he couldn't bear to do it. Seeing their names engraved on the stones just reinforces the reality that they were really gone. That they were no longer here.

And he couldn't bring himself to accept that.

But now, maybe he could.

After changing, Jaebeom drove to a nearby flower shop and got his mother's favourite flowers, lavender. He also stopped by a convenience store and bought KitKat, his father's favourite, as well as a few bottles of soju.

Driving along the empty road, shades of green flashed past him. The clouds seemed to race past him, dotted across the light blue sky.

After an hour, Jaebeom finally arrived at Gangwon-do. He parked the car by the side of the road, his hand gripping the steering wheel. Taking a deep breath, his grip slowly loosening as he exhaled.

Here goes nothing.

Walking down the winding path, he arrived before a field of buckwheat. Pushing past the small wooden gate, Jaebeom gently parted the white flowers, walking towards the lone tree standing amidst the field of buckwheat.

He remembered his parents commenting on how beautiful it was as they passed by during a road trip. So, he bought the piece of land and buried them there.

Under the white cherry blossom tree, two stone slabs stood side by side each other.

Jaebeom placed his bag on the ground, fingers slowly tracing the carvings on the gravestones.

Sitting down, his heart felt heavy. It was as if all the energy was taken out of him.

He placed the bouquet of lavender before his mother's gravestone, and the box of KitKat before his father's gravestone. Taking out the soju and glasses, Jaebeom set a glass in front of each of his parents.

Clear liquid drizzled out of the green bottle. Setting down the bottle, he clinked the glasses before drinking from his glass.

"Mum and dad, I am sorry for not having visited you for the past two years.

I am sorry for being a coward, for running away from the reality that both of you were no longer by my side."

Jaebeom exhaled a shuddering breath, pouring himself another glass of soju before finishing it all.