Encore

23.5: Alive

Disclaimer: These songs are not real. Nor are they complete, though Breathe is more complete than the rest of the songs.
The lyrics of these songs are a compilation of:
1) quotes and sayings that I heard which helped me get through life
2) my own writing which I did to fit in the message of the song and story
3) lyrics from parts of different songs (hardly though)

Album: Alive
Songs: Falling, Nights, Memories, Every day, Brave, It's Okay, Breathe

Falling

Falling: moving from a higher to a lower level, typically rapidly and without control.
That is what Siri tells me over the phone.
And I can't help but find it ironic that it fits my situation perfectly.

I walk along the snowy streets, my legs finding stability amidst the ice.
However, my heart is unable to find stability.

My heart dropped when I heard the news.

And that sense of hopelessness seems never-ending,
an endless spiral,
as I continue to fall down the rabbit hole.

Even as I descend down the rabbit hole into wonderland, I lack control.
The news replay in my subconscious state. Becoming more vivid by the second.

Nights

Nights are the time to sleep.
But I can't sleep.

The memories threaten to replay in my subconscious state.
Haunting me even in my dreams.

I sit by the patio.
My only company being a bottle of alcohol and a pack of cigarettes.

Vodka makes me sick so I take shots, hoping they sting more than you.
Cigarette fumes fill the air so I smoke, hoping they cloud my mind from thinking of you.

The night slowly turns to dawn.
I retreat into my bed, curtains drawn.

The blanket feels cold.
The pillow feels damp.

I still think about you.

Memories

Memories, something remembered from the past.

They may contain happy events.

Birthday cakes, blowing out the candles with ease.
Late night drives, with your hand running through the breeze.
Cooking together, making a mess out nothing, being a tease.

However, losing the people who created these events with me,
I feel lost.

I blow out the candles with ease, but no one is by my side clapping.
I run my hand through the breeze, driving alone along the coast.
I cook, settling down at the empty dining table.

As I reenact the scenes,
the memories replay in my mind.

Memories are easily distorted.
The happy feeling fades,
replaced by an inexplicable feeling of pain.

Every day

Like everyone else, I spend my weekdays going to work.

But unlike everyone else, I spend my weekends lying in bed.

The pictures are gone.

Grey curtains are drawn.

Bottles and cigarettes scatter across the room.

Clothes stained with the smell of smoke fumes.

I can't help but feel I've wasted my life away,
spent so much time alone in my room hurting
over something that I should've long let go.

I want to do so much better than I'm doing
but it's hard when getting out of bed takes up all of your energy,

I don't want to feel like a disappointment anymore.

Brave

I think it's brave.

I think it's brave that you get up in the morning when your heart aches and life is messy and you do not feel like being soft for the world.

I think it is brave that you continue to love, and express, and open your soul.

I think it is brave that you keep going,
that you keep believing in something more, something bigger, even when you may not know what you are hoping for.

I think it is brave that you fight,
I think it is brave that you choose,
every single day,
to move forward--
because that is what makes you strong.

That is what makes you strong.

It's Okay

If you're feeling lost right now,
that's okay.

It's okay to be lost or confused.
It's okay to contemplate your life,
and to overthink your future.
It's okay to miss people who no longer have a role in your life.

It's okay.
It's all okay.

You are going to be fine.
You are going to turn out fine.

You're going to shine so bright one day
you'll forget about the days where you didn't have a single ray of light.

You will make it.
Say it with me.
"I will make it."

Breathe

I thought I was good on my own, that I was alright,
But I wasn't, my days no longer bright.
The days pass, drowned in our memories.
Swimming through life, wishing for a place.
A place to breathe.

I walked along the same streets.
I ate at the same restaurants.
I breathed in the same air.

But I couldn't breathe in life.

Until I met them.

When I first met them
They were nothing more than another face.
But six months later
they're the only face I could ever find in a crowded place.

Everyday, my mind filled with thoughts.
Of wanting to hold them tight.
Of wanting to be the reason behind their laughter.
Of wanting everything I ever wished for
to be smiling from the other side of the bed.

I began to care.
I began to laugh.
I began to breathe.

And just like me, one day,
you are going to be breathe.
This pain you feel
is going to pass.

Maybe not this moment
Or today
or tomorrow,
but sometime soon.

The hurt will fade.

Don't give up before things get better.

You maybe wounded,
but you're not broken.
You can and will breathe.

Every day, your mind only filled with thoughts.
Of wanting to hold them tight.
Of wanting to be the reason behind their laughter.
Of wanting everything you ever wished for
to be smiling from the other side of the bed.

And you begin to breathe.