Waste It On Me ( BTS Namjoon x Reader)

Part 6 - Chapter 1

April 17th 2021

Namjoon’s key scrapes the lock in the apartment door and you let out a shaky exhale, your face feeling hot from the dry tears.
“hey” he appears at the bedroom door, looking crumpled in his gym t-shirt and sweatpants that he’d worn yesterday.
“hey” you smile weakly, holding a hand out to him, needing to feel his warm arms around you, even under the stifling duvet.

You had dried off after the shower, neither knowing what to say after you’d admitted to Joon you thought you were 2 weeks late in getting your period. He’d gently rubbed you dry with the towel and told you to stop mumbling apologies.
The image of Namjoon’s shocked face has filled your mind since he left your apartment half an hour ago. You’d decided that neither you nor him could go into a shop to buy a pregnancy test, so he’d finally called someone from the management team who’d sworn to secrecy and agreed to meet Namjoon to give him a test.

Looking at Joon now, your eyes swim with tears again – “the comeback…” he’d breathed in a whisper to himself as the shock of your words had hit him in the bathroom. Of course, you have talked about having children together, but you wanted to be married, Joon to have completed his military service, and his life be a little more settled in Seoul. The timing was totally wrong. Thinking about ARMYs reaction makes your stomach knot so tightly you feel sick from pain.

Namjoon crawls onto the bottom of the bed, squeezing your knee through the duvet, in his other hand is a bag, the corners of a small box visible through the plastic.
“it’ll be ok baby” he smiles weakly, reaching up to push a tear from your cheek.
“I don’t know…” you breathe but your voice feels hoarse.
You climb from under the duvet and take the bag into the bathroom, “do you need any help?” the look in his eyes seeming totally unsure.
“I’m ok” you say the words but they feel like a lie.

***

“how long?” Namjoon takes your hand and pulls you gently back into the bed.
“it says to leave it 10 minutes to be sure”
“ok” he breathes, the room goes silent.
“can you please say something” you beg, leaning your forehead onto his shoulder, another tear leaks out onto his t-shirt.
“I…” he starts, pulling his arm around you to hold you closer, “erm…”
“or not…” you manage to bubble out a small nervous laugh.
“I don’t know what to say” his hand makes small circles on your shoulder. You inhale into his t-shirt, his familiar smell enveloping you – you can feel his hard chest muscles are tense under your cheek, “what if…” he starts.
“don’t…” you stop him, “we’ll wait and see”
“ok” you can feel his heart hammering and his breathing feels unsteady. You can almost hear his mind whirring. The wait is killing you. 
“the comeback…” you start, trying to urge him to continue his first thoughts from before.
“its ok…” he says it as if trying to convince himself, “we’ll wait and see…”
The minutes feel like they stretch, Namjoon doesn’t let go, holding you to his chest, letting any stray tears land on his t-shirt.

He leans forward, picking up the stick. Leaning back you look into his deep brown eyes, trying to read all of the different emotions flicking there. Your own heart pounding so hard.
“you look” you urge him and close your eyes.
“negative” he exhales, the feeling is like ripping off a bandage. A moment of pain at what might have been, then the rush of relief. Now isn’t the right time.

*****

April 19th 2021

“Hi” Sujin whispers, leaning to give you a quick hug. The camera director next to her turns and scowls, signaling that you need to be quieter. Over his shoulder you see Joon and the members on the sound stage, their actions perfectly in-time with the music being pumped into the warehouse building.
“it might look cool if you take off your jacket” the director speaks into a mega-phone right next to you. You smile as the members laugh at Namjoon as he takes off part of his outfit – his body is amazing. Joon meets your eye behind the nest of cameras and smirks, you offer him a small smile.
“I have news” Sujin tugs your hand, leading you from the sound stage.
She grabs two coffees in one of the dressing rooms, empty now that the members are filming.
You smile at her weakly – since the pregnancy scare you have been feeling a churn of emotions – you have visited the studio today after an emergency appointment with the doctor where they did another test, confirming what the at home kit had said. You'd called Joon and he'd invited you to come and watch the shoot, needing to hug you.
“I’m moving in with Hobi” she grins.
The news makes your heart squeeze with delight, “oh my god” you grin, standing up to hug her, “finally… when? … where?” the questions tumble out.
“we are looking at apartments in your building actually” her perfect teeth gleaming as she cant stop smiling.
“yes!” you hug her again, “please get one in our building”

***

The members bustle noisily into the dressing room a little while later, Sujin had just passed you a fresh coffee and you have been talking excitedly about her plans.
You smile up at Hoseok as he sits down next to Sujin, his hip as close to her as possible.
“hey” hearing Namjoon's deep voice, you tilt your face up to him.
“you look so handsome” you smile at him as he leans down to kiss you softly, the deep V of his t-shirt giving you a peek of his muscular chest.
“you look happy” his statement sounds like a question, “have you heard the news?” he signals at Sujin and J-Hope.
“yes” you smile, “its really cheered me up”
“good” he leans again, his deep brown eyes boring into yours, his face inches from yours, “you feeling ok?” he whispers.
“fine” you smile with a small nod, pressing your lips forward to close the small gap to kiss him.

*****

April 25th 2021

You press your ear closer to the door of the spare bedroom, trying to hear if Namjoon is still on a call – he isn’t speaking. You knock tentatively, pushing the door open a crack to peer in.
He looks up from the screen, his eyes looking tired.
“you almost done?” you nod towards the computer.
“yep” his face breaks into a smile, “come here” he reaches his hand out as you cross the room at his words.
Pushing back from the desk, he pulls you to stand between his legs, tilting forward to rest his forehead on your stomach. You feel him exhale deeply.
“are you ok?” you massage your fingertips into his hair.
“its been a weird week” his voice sounds like a groan.
“I’m sorry” the words pop out – you know why he feels weird.

Since last week, and finding out you weren’t pregnant you’ve had a brief conversation with Joon, agreeing that the time isn’t right, but something has changed in your routine. You still wake up in his arms, both get ready for work, eat your evening meal together, snuggle, watch movies, talk endlessly – but as you climb into bed Namjoon hasn’t tried to have sex, hasn’t snuggled up behind you with his warm heat covering your back and his erection pressing against your leg.

“don’t be sorry” he mumbles, his face still close to your stomach, breathing deeply as you continue to run your fingers soothingly against his scalp, “its me…”
“its me…” you mirror – your chest already easing from finally acknowledging the little bit of awkwardness of the last week.
“I haven’t known how to… be…” he whispers.
“I know…” you soothe, his warm breathes flowing through the material of your top.
“like… do you want me to touch you?” he tilts his face up to look at you, his hands reaching to rest on your hips. His eyes look full of genuine worry that he is doing something wrong, it makes your heart leap. His mouth open in a small O, his bottom lip pushed out slightly.
“always” you breathe, leaning down to kiss him. At that one word, he unleashes his kisses in full force, drawing your lips between his, using his tongue just as you like, his fingers tightening on your hips.
After only seconds of breathy kisses that make you wet, Namjoon stands from his chair, his hands move round to your ass, lifting you gently to toss you onto your back on the bed.
“I’ve missed this” his voice sounds so horny as he leans down to pull off your leggings, your panties getting caught along the way so that you lay half-naked in front of him.
“me too” you hum, your fingers almost trembling as they unbutton his jeans, yanking them down roughly until he finishes the job, his boxers gone too.
“is this ok?” he whispers against your neck as his thumb reaches between your bodies, exploring how wet you are for him.
“yes…” you gasp, already feeling out of breathe, needing him so badly, “please…”
He leans back to look in your eyes, “are we ok to...” you know he is asking if you’re still using protection.
“yes” you smile, “the doctor said everything’s fine”
“thank fuck” he breathes, his hand guiding his hardness onto your clit. You moan as soon as his tip touches you, “I’ve missed that sound”
“its only been a week” you chuckle, your head tilted back, enjoying the sensation.
“I know!” he groans as he pushes himself into you, so deep you gasp against his neck, “that’s far too long…”