washing machine heart

feelings

JJ made her way down the sidewalk to the parking lot, looking up towards her car as she approached it, quickly unlocking the doors and getting inside. She sat still for a moment, embracing the cold surrounding her. It wasn't quite freezing yet, but the temperatures had been dropping over the last few days and she hated it- she wasn't one for the cold. That meant the soccer season was ending, she would have to wear warmer clothes, she hated it. Her mother tried to convince her to go to school on the coast, but she knew that would be too hot. She liked fall a little bit too much to do that, she enjoyed watching the leaves fall from the trees as they changed colors.

That's how she ended up at Quantico University, a not-so prestigious school, but good enough for her achieve the education she wanted while being surrounding by a good environment. She never expected for college to be a time of such discovery.

In her freshman year, she fell for Will as he was in her Intro to Connection and Media class, a lazy boy who sat in the back of the room, barely paying attention to anyone except the blonde. He was constantly staring at her, sneding a wink in her direction whenever they made eye contact. He was the first person who actually spoke to her except for her first and second year roommate, Ashley Seaver. She hadn't seen her since she moved out. He was sweet at first, asking her out on dates, respecting her space. As they bonded, she learned more things about him that should have been red flags, but she ignored them per usual.

She finally said yes one night and they went out to dinner where he was a genuine sweetheart, opening doors and paying for their meals. He held her hand on the table, not afraid to show his affection for her. They discussed their future and what they wanted to- careers, where they wanted to live, their shared love for Denver. She learned where he came from- New Orleans which caused his alluring accent. (It certainly didn't stay alluring.)

After a few weeks of dating, another side came out. He drank infront of her for the first time, revealing that he was an angry drunk. She left his dorm that night with bruises covering her arms, her back, her thighs. She hid it well from everyone, although there wasn't many to hide it from. She didn't have friends. On the field, she opted for long sleeves under her jersey and the her shorts were long enough to cover anything. She decided to continue being with him, assuming it was a one-time thing. He was so sweet whenever he wasn't drunk- even if sometimes he made her feel guilty enough to hook up with him, even when she said no.

Nobody knew about her situation for years and she let it continue to get worse- it became a nightly thing, but he became better at hitting her in hidden places. Then, last year, she met Elle who quickly realized what was going on and the two of them opted to move off campus. It ehlped just slightly as JJ had less time to see him. It didn't stop it completely though, and there was a couple times that JJ would come home with bleeding arms that Elle would help wrap up.

The night of the party was finally JJ's breaking point. Seeing that someone genuinely cared enough to stop Will from doing what he was caused JJ to meltdown. It was such a simple gesture and yet, it was unrecognizable. She wanted to run out after Emily and pull her into a hug, telling her immediately that they had to be friends and she was so sorry for any drama in the past- but then she heard Emily essentialyl calling her a victim, and quickly grew angry. She went home that night and vented to Elle, who reprimanded her behavior. In a way, JJ did feel guilty. She didn't mean to hit Emily, and meant to apologize, but being called a victim brought out another side in her.

Going to college was meant to bring her away from her childhood, and in a way, hearing someone say that about her brought it back. Her sister, Roslyn, had killed herself when she was really young. Her entire teen years were consumed by teachers pitying the girl, taking it easier on her, and she hated it. She obviously loved her sister, but didn't want to be affected by it everywhere in her life. Highschool was supposed to be a time where she learned about herself, met her highschool sweetheart, but she was unable to when everyone was constantly giving her looks and making sure she was OK.