washing machine heart

its okay

Spencer ran down the hallway, sobbing until his lungs were about to give out. He had been under an illusion that Derek truly cared about him and possibly would even love him, that he wanted him, that he was proud of him. What had changed overnight? He turned a corner and sat in an empty hallway, pulling his knees up to his chest and let himself cry until his own well ran dry. He let himself let out one last shuddering breath, compiling himself and smoothing his now wrinkled clothes. It wasn't the best he had looked- not that he cared in this moment, all he wanted was to run and have Derek hold him, reassure him that everything was going to be okay but it wasn't. He felt his heart physically broken inside his chest. What happened now? Did he just let himself forget? Would they speak again?

He sighed softly, making his way back to his dorm room. He had barely been there as of lately, and it was going to be strange. He unlocked the door slowly, gently shutting the door behind him as he slipped his shoes off, letting them fall to the floor with a small thump. He stared down at his shaky hands as he climbed into his own bed, absorbing the smell around him. He tilted his head up slightly, instantly observing the brunette also residing in her bed. She was in a deep sleep, her mouth slightly gaping open. She was wrapped up in a heavy red sweatshirt, he knew it was her comfort sweatshirt. Of course she would be upset after what happened, he hadn't even thought about it. However, he assumed she would have JJ help comfort her.

Cocking his head, he rose from his bed, rubbing his eyes. He slowly slipped over to her bed, gently shaking her shoulder. It was already later in the day than they usually awoke from- and although it may be Christmas break, he knew they needed to stay on a schedule. He also needed to talk. "Em. Em, Emily." He said softly, nudging her a bit harder. The brunette's eyes slowly peeled open, making contact with Spencer's.

"Spence." She said softly, rolling up to sit up next to him. "You're... here? Everything okay? Did you... talk to JJ?" She said quietly, rubbing her eyes as she turned to look down at her own hands.

The boy leaned his head against her shoulder. 'I need to talk about Derek. Did something happen with JJ?"

The brunette raised her hand up to gently play with his hair, appreciating the affection. It had been a long walk home and by the time she had gotten back to her dorm, she was freezing. All she wanted was a hug, but no one was there. And that was on her. "Well, I- no, wait. What happened with Derek?" She asked curiously, knowing her dilemma could wait. It wouldn't be resolved any time soon.

Spencer smiled slightly, realizing that she was asking about him first, for once. He nuzzled slightly into her, biting his lip as he tried not to cry again. He explained what had happened- their conversation in the car, them... hooking up, and then what happened when Derek's friends had cme and visited. Emily tried not to get angry, but it was difficult, seeing how truly hurt Spencer was. Instead of shouting about it, she took her arm and wrapped it around him, pulling him into a hug. It was what they both needed.

"Well, he's kind of an ass, huh?" Spencer chuckled softly at her remark and nodded, pulling his face away. "I just don't understand, why would he say that after you guys... whatever you did. Maybe he got scared?"

The boy shrugged, the smiling fading from his face. "I wish I could understand. His friends obviously were not very intelligent or open minded, but I wish... I wish, he didn't have to be so me-" his voice broke, tears developing in his eyes. "Sorry," he laughed softly. "I wish he wasn't so mean about it."

Emily nodded, looking at him with a slight, reassuring smile. "Are you going to talk about it and forgive him, or are you just going to... move on?"

Spencer shrugged, collapsing his hands together in his lap. He had also pondered the same thing, unsure of the right answer. He didn't want to hurt Derek, but he wasn't so sure how easily he could forgive him. It was difficult, because Derek knew what he had dealt with in his youth and his fears, and he had used it against him- whether it was intentional or not. Clearing his throat, Spencer looked at the wall. "So, what happened with JJ?"