Maknae On Top

23.

Hyunjin chugged some water and turned to me "I need to sit down-"
I nodded "okay- sit here"
I said pointing to the bed as he lied down and daydreamed.
I felt bored so I walked out to the kitchen and got a bottle of gin and drank it straight.
It was very unhealthy but I was in need for a feeling, a shock.

I drank it as my eyes widened and I coughed and continued drinking more.
Seconds after I already felt drunk-
I swayed as I walked back to Hyunjin to check on him.
I gave him the bottle "this will wash it down"
He took a swig "it'll make it worse?"
He rested his head on his arms as he stared at the roof, I went to grab the bottle from the side table I placed it on afterwards I lost my balance and felt on Hyunjin.
I groaned "sorry" I said struggling to get up.
I was very very drunk but...

Hyunjin seemed wasted already as well..I don't know how this happened- how'd we get here? Me lying on top of him about to pass out, I was dizzy and felt like I wasn't in control of myself.

Every thought escaped my mind as Hyunjin entered my mind...
I felt desperate..I felt the need to touch Hyunjin-
I felt so unconscious and out of control. I tried to centre myself but it was like someone else took over me-

I unbuckled his jeans as he looked at me confused..
I put my pointing fingers on his lips "shhhhh"
He stifled a giggle as he continued daydreaming.
I felt so- awkward and odd..
This wasn't me..I wasn't in control of myself- there's no way this was me, I'm better than this.
I did the deed with Hyunjin...

When we finished I lied in the bed buckling my jeans up again.
He buckled up his as well, it was like we were both just out of control- we weren't ourselves.
Time flew fast, before I knew it Minho, Jisung and Jeongin were back-

I huffed as Jeongin walked in "hey lazy asses, wake up!"
I was awake but I was also drifting off to sleep.
He picked up the bottle of Gin and looked at us "you two drank this by itself?"
I nodded "we sure did!"
He gasped "are you kidding? This stuff sends people crazy!"
I shook my head "we're completely fine!" I said shaking my hand.
Jisung and Minho looked at each other like they knew what happened with me and Hyunjin.
Jeongin huffed "I'll go get you some water"

Jisung sat next to me "what happened here?"
I nervously laughed "nothing we just spoke and stuff" Jisung looked at Minho and back at me "then explain why your shirt is buttoned up like a 3 year old did it"
I raised my eyebrows "because umm- I had to unbutton it to clean it properly because I spilt drink on it!"
He nodded "okay?"
I suddenly fell straight to sleep, I could hear the others trying to wake me up but I couldn't, I needed to rest.

I woke up looking at Hyunjin and out the window, it's night already?
I didn't remember what happened once again..
I tapped Hyunjin's shoulder "hyun what happened?"
He groaned "I can't rememb-" he had a realisation moment and cupped his hands over his mouth gasping.
He shedded a single tear and sniffled "why the fuck did I do that-?"
I looked at him confused "what?"
He shook his head "we slept together.."

I felt my brain go splat..
I buried my head in my arms "no!"
I apologised "I wasn't controlling myself!"
He sighed upset "me too.."
Jeongin walked in and saw Hyunjin slightly crying and me holding in my tears.
He asked "what's wrong with you two?"
Hyunjin got out of the bed and ran for it, he must have felt so guilty, not as guilty as me, I was supposed to be Jeongin's girlfriend!

I didn't know what to do, Jeongin hugged me "is everything okay?"
I shook my head "I'm so sorry, we need to break up"
Jeongin's rhythmic breath stopped as he released from the hug and held my chin "why?! What made your feelings escalate so quickly?!"
I shook my head "I don't want to hurt you anymore"
His eyes welled up and his voice went husky "no! Please this can't be the end! What'd you do?!"

I got up and yelled "I got that drunk that I lost control and slept with Hyunjin!"
Jeongin's expression grew dead..he seemed angry and upset and heartbroken all at once.
He said looking away from me and pointing at the door "get out"
I stormed off as he yelled as I exited "I'm done!"

As I walked down the hall out of the dorm I went to get in the elevator as I saw Chan and Felix get out of the other elevator.
Felix ran up to me and hugged me "hey what's up?!"
I hugged him back "me and Jeongin are over..and it's all my fault"
Chan looked at me concerned "what happened?"
I inhaled "me and Hyun got super drunk off straight gin and.."

Felix gasped "and what?"
I bursted out crying again "me and Hyunjin did it- and I fucking hate myself and poor Hyunjin felt guilty too! I was the one who offered the drink to him!"
Chan and Felix hugged me "it's okay" they released from the hug as I finished with "it's not! The one person who has ever loved me is now gone all because of my stupidity and the fact that I'm a low life, dropkick! And now thanks to my stupid actions I took the one good thing I had in my life had and fucked it all up!"
I got in the elevator and soon to find myself running, I don't know where I was running to, I just ran and ran until my feet couldn't run anymore.
I ran to the pier..

I sat there and cried my eyes out watching my feet dangle over the wood as I stared at the ocean below my feet.
I felt like I wanted to jump, and end all the pain, the pain of hurting Jeongin who I fell in love with the second I saw him, the pain of tearing Hyunjin and Jeongin away from eachother, the pain of making Felix think he was the one who should feel guilty, the pain of backstabbing the love of my life-
I wanted to end it all...all of it to be flushed away.

I hid my face in my hands knowing that if I jumped I'd be left in the water to drown..
I slowly slide myself off the side of the pier as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I instantly slid back onto the pier.
I looked behind me..Jeongin-
He shook his head "don't.."
I looked at him with fake confusion "what?"
He inhaled "don't leave me..don't jump"
I looked ahead of me "I though you were done.."
He licked his lips "I am done..but there's something that keeps telling me to stay with you"
He gulped "it's like we're two magnets, every time we're drifted apart I get pulled back to you..it's like I'm permanently stuck with you"

I cried heavily "please don't make me feel even more guilty, you're to sweet and now I can't stop feeling even more bad for what I did, all I want is for you to forgive Hyunjin, just so I know that the fire I started is extinguished"
He inhaled "I know it wasn't his fault, you offered him the drink, I've been in a situation similar, I ruined a friendship because I got that drunk I wasn't in control of myself, but I think what needs to happen is..we need some time away from eachother"

I nodded "but last time you left me you forgot about me"
He shook his head "I didn't forget about you, the truth is..I got her to replace you, being away from you made me feel empty, it took me then to realise..you can't be replaced"
I huffed "well..if we're doing that then..our time away from each other starts now"
I said walking away from him, I felt like I left him with more to say..but I just wanted to fix the massive mess I made.