Maknae On Top

24.

I sat in bed listening to sad songs, particularly 'Bored, and 'When the party's over' by Billie Eilish.
I hid my face in my pillow, it's been 3 weeks since we stopped contact with each other.
He never said how long it would last-
I said 5 weeks and he just shook his head yes and I walked off shortly after.

I remembered I've got work, so I got in my uniform and hit the street.
I walked to work and was to be greeted by Sooyoung, Sooyoung works with me and she's a cold hearted bitch.
Not to mention I was also on shift with the other bitchy worker Ally.
Both of them were just those type of people who you'd never want to go to for comfort and I wasn't planning on telling them about me and Jeongin.

I walked in as Sooyoung asked "there she is! I heard you slept with Yang Jeongin"
My eyes widened "who told you that?!"
She licked her lips with a bitchy expression "I might or might not be good friends with a guy who knows them, one time he introduced me to them, they are weird boys, so weird are not my type of people so I kissed the fluffball on the cheek and left"
I looked at her confused "fluffball?"
She giggled "the sassy one, the little feisty chicken"
I gave her a stern look "you mean Felix? I "
She nodded "that's the one"

I huffed grabbing her by the wrist tightly "I swear to god if you tell a single soul about me and Jeongin I will fucking murder you, understood?"
She nodded "I guess so? I don't feel like ruining people's days anyways, plus that Jeongin guy is super hot, I wouldn't wanna make him hate me."
I shook my head and scoffed serving a customer.

Alley walked past me quickly whispering in my ear "slut"
I looked at her and back at the customer..
I grabbed Sooyoung and got her to serve the customer instead, she got my sale but my tears didn't seem to be bothered.
I ran out of the shop crying watching people walk past me.
I sat at a bench alone as I got a message from a random number..

Unknown Number...

Unknown Number
Hey its Kang! Wanna hang out?

Chai Latte
I suppose...
I'm at work but I'm sitting alone letting the other two cold hearted workers do it all for me

Kang
Lol okay, I'll be there in a couple of minutes
You work at pandora right?

Chai Latte
Good memory-
Cya soon!

I continued crying my eyes out, not at the fact I was offended but the fact that I'd don't want to be known as a slut, and also the fact I know that Ally is right..
I may have not been in control of myself that night but it was my choice to have a drink and offer it to him, that's where it all branched off.

2 minutes later I attempted to dry my tears as Kang approached me "you okay?"
I shook my head "I'm so done, I wish I never met Jeongin.."
Kang looked at me confused "you what?"
I sniffed "I said I'm done, I fucking love Jeongin more than anything or anyone, he made me feel special, he poured out his heart and soul to make me happy..
I don't want someone as lovely and caring as him to be with a toxic whore like me"

Kang raised his eyebrows defending me "you're not a whore! Jeongin loves you too, he really does!"
I sniffled "I don't want to hurt him more than I already have, I've broken his kind heart multiple times and he doesn't deserve to feel that pain, he deserves someone who doesn't take advantage of his kindness like me"
Kang sighed "what you need is something to ease the pain"
He walked off leaving me with my thoughts.

I wiped away the tears and performed a fake smile as I attended my work again.
Ally gasped "oh seems like the slut returned!"
I inhaled "were you born stupid or did you have to take lessons and classes for it?"
She scoffed "ugh! No in fact I'm going to go very far!"
I giggled "go far, wherever you're going I hope you stay there and never come back"
She stomped and gave me a death stare.

I finished my shift in silence overthinking what Kang said...something to ease the pain...perhaps he meant a therapist, anti depressants, a new friend?
Or...something else-

I called my old friend back from high school, Shinwoon-
We fell out because she went a bit off the rails and did drugs and all that jazz.
She didn't pick up- I just went to the local drug store and asked for a packet of cigarettes..

I opened the packet feeling overwhelmed, I've never touched these in my life, well now I'm about to.
I got home and first thing I got a lighter from my draw and lit the cigarette.
I smoked it coughing a little and soon getting the hang of it.
It felt weird but good at the same time...

I heard the door opened as I hid the cigarette behind my back unsure on who it was.
It was Jeongin.
He walked in awkwardly "hey..."
I gulped "hey"
He looked at me confused "why is there smoke coming from behind your back?"
I groaned "just um..a candle?!"
He tried to look behind my back soon play fighting with me to see what it was.
I screeched "it's a candle I swear!" He giggled "you're to sus!" He picked me up and softly spun around.
He soon looked at me and huffed "cigarettes? Since when we're you a smoker?"

I rested my hand on the kitchen bench "since ten minutes ago"
He shook his head "you're better than that!"
I nodded "I needed something to help" he exhaled deeply "that doesn't help! All it helps is to kill people, you're a classy girl not a smoker"
I took another inhale of the cigarette "what if I want to change from this slutty heartbreaker that I am?"
He extinguished the cigarette and chucked it in the bin.
He swallowed his last breath "you're not a slut, you just like a bit of fun, yes you have hurt me and broken my heart quite a lot but you can't leave me"
I shedded a tear "leave"

He paused and looked at me with a muddled expression "what?"
I repeated louder and angrier "leave! Leave and never come back!"
He shook his head "but Chai I love y-"
I interrupted "I wish things never changed...I wish I continued living a boring ass life and never met you"
He squinted "what?!"
I sniffled "I hurt you, I can't live with myself now, I have to live with the brewing thought in my head that somewhere out there there's this gorgeous, kind hearted boy named Yang Jeongin and he loves me..but I break his heart repeatedly.."

He hugged me tightly "no, I'm not leaving you and you're not leaving me, you're the love of my life, I didn't use all of my time that I spent with you for it to get thrown away and forgotten about, I didn't tell you I loved you every single day of my life even when you weren't around just for you to drop me"
I cried hiding my head on the table, I said for the final time "just leave, before you make me love you even more"
He sighed as he cried a slight bit "I love you..and I always will"

That was the last I heard from him in a while..
A very long time-