The Malfoy Twins

Chapter 20

I woke up with Pansy in my arms. She was still asleep. Wait why is Pansy in my ar- nevermind. My head is spinning, but I have this weird feeling that I need to protect her. I somewhat don't even want to know why. She may not want to talk.

I sat with my thoughts while she slept. Eventually she woke up. I don't know what time it is or the day.

  She opened her eyes and looked at me. Trying to understand the situation. She sat up a little bit. That's when the little light that was in her eyes faded into a dark obis. Her face spoke a thousand words.

  I spoke first to break this devastating silence.

My voice was raspy, partly because I was tired and partly because of last night. "I'm not completely sure why you hate me, or what happened last night, or even why it happened, but you clearly need a person. I am willing to be that person, that is if you will let me. We both are going to be going through the same thing in a few years and if you try to go through it alone it is only going to tear you apart piece by piece. So please let me be your friend."

She looked away towards the door and in a quiet voice said, "I don't hate you, I never have. It was just easier to hate you then be your friend." She looked back at me.

  I looked at her in confusion while I stared her in the eyes.

"You are everything I wanted to be," she continues, "I have always wanted people to look at me the way they look at you when you walk down the hall. The way their eyes shimmer but they don't dare say anything. The way everything about you seems perfect. I watch you and the way you carry yourself. Your confidence, I'm jealous of it. Mostly because I hate everything about myself." Looking down at her lap, "I have never had anyone that genuinely loves me. That cares about me. No one waits up for me or checks on me. No one to comfort me when I need it. No one that I could trust enough to feel safe even while vulnerable around them," she took a deep breath, "because no one wants to, honestly who would?"

I saw a tear slowly slide down her face. Everything and every thought hit me like a train. She is jealous? Of me?

"Pansy-"

"I know it's not your fault. So please spare me the apologies. I don't want to hear it. I put you through he'll and back because of my own insecurities and fucked up life. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I told myself I hated you because you were everything I ever wanted. So many times I told myself that if only I was a little bit prettier, a little but nicer, a little bit skinnier, a little bit taller, a little bit more confident, that maybe then I would be happy. Maybe then people would love me and look at me the way they do you." She lifted her head and looked at the ceiling. Wiping under her eyes.

"Do you know what it is like to only be pretty enough to have sex with? Do you know how it feels to be completely and utterly alone no matter how many people were around you? Having fake friends just to seem cool. Hating yourself every second of every day? Having no one to go to and just having to suck it up." She shifted her eyes to mine, "do you know what if feels like to see the person you most want to be hate you. Do you know how I feel when I see you laugh with real friends? When you were with Diggory, I saw the way he looked at you and how you looked at him." She chuckled looking back at the ceiling, "Merlin I fucking hated it. I hated your perfect fucking life. How everything happened to go right for you. How you moved on so easily after his death in a blink of an eye. It baffled me. How can someone possibly be this flawless. I wanted to be that person. It hurts like he'll because i know I will never be like you, not even close."

She stood up and started walking towards the door. Then she stopped at it and stared at the knob. She was slumped over.

"About last night." She sighed, "I told my parents and the dark lord that I didn't want to be one of them. That i wouldn't. So after I left my house he sent a death eater to attack me because I was useless to him. I put up a good fight but just wasn't strong enough, so when my head was under water. I thought to myself what exactly is it that I am fighting for? Well I still don't know but I was about to give up when you saved me." She slightly glanced at me from her place at the door, "I will never understand why you did that. You could have died too and yet you still helped me. After everything I put you through."

She looked back at the door and turned the knob stepping out into the hall. Silently the door clicked shut.

I felt tears fall from eyes, "oh Pansy" I whispered. My heart broke for her because now I

                                 understand.